Hallucinations?

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I don't remember when it started, but sure I have it since childhood. Sometimes I can't differentiate between what I am thinking and what I am really seeing.

To illustrate it, if I think I am discussing with someone (or if I remember a discussion I had with someone), if I concentrate too much on what I think, in a few moments I begin grumbling alone and shaking my hand and finger in the air.

I don't understand this characteristic of mine, and I don't know if there's a solution for it, or if I should simply accept and try to live with it. Is it an hallucination? Sure it's a source of huge embarrassments to me, because it can happen anytime, anywhere, inclusive at the street and this is the reason I don't drive cars - I am too afraid of causing an accident.

Also, does it have anything to do with eventually being Asperger? This is something I am still too reluctant to accept.

Please tell me what's your opinion about it.

Please help me on this issue.

Can't really help you beyond telling you this isn't related to Autism. You should probably see a doctor.

I have mild schizophrenia.
From what I understand it is sort of cupped with my autism.
Not sure if what you are describing is schizophrenic behavior though.

Actually these "hallucinations" (I am not sure how to call it) can happen to me anytime, anywhere. Anything I am thinking, both good and bad memories, can trigger this situation.

Sometimes I "wake up" and realize I was smiling alone on the street, with no apparent reason for outsiders, or I suddenly feel myself in a bad mood because of something that happened decades ago and I am able to recall it as if it just happened - I know there's no reason for me to keep recalling it, but how can I explain it to others who, with good intentions, tell me things like "forget about it", "get over it". I am also afraid of taking any kind of medicine because 1) I don't want to get addicted, 2) I am afraid this can affect my job because there's a good side of it: I feel creative and productive while working.

It's also embarassing to tell to others and almost no one is aware of it. I want to have a normal life, but in my daily life I am used to be rejected with no apparent reason, or under strange explanations, and this applies to job, daily life, relationships... If I keep silent, somehow people notice it with comments like "he is a strange guy", but I wonder which scary reactions await for me if I open my mouth. Trying to have a normal life is difficult under these conditions, and I always become a very lonely man in the end.

It's hard, very hard.

This sounds like a really good thing to work out with a qualified therapist. I also have a VERY vivid imagination. But it doesn't scare me. It comforts me. There was a point, in high school, where I decided that my talking to myself might mean that I'm crazy, so I stopped it. But I was so lonely without my imaginary world that I brought it back. And I'm very glad I did because its a very important part of how I cope in the world.

Its really impossible to tell what's going on with you from what you post. Schizophrenia does happen to autistic people. Our brains are already wired a little tight. If that's what's going on with you, it would be so wonderful to have help and get it under control before it really hurts you.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like schizophrenia. It really sounds a lot like me - a very vivid imagination paired with some PTSD symptoms. In addition to my happy place, I also get what I call "freezes." I get stuck in an old memory or a strong thought associated with something that I am thinking about saying to someone else. I can literally stop on the sidewalk with my emotional freezes. They do have something in common with dissociation, but its not really a full blown dissociative disorder. I bring myself back pretty quickly. As I get older, I have more skills and more ability to manage these things. With me, I see it as part of my neurodiversity. I don't really see my brain as sick or needing medication, just very tightly wired and needing a lot of preventative care.

Do you just act like it's actually happening, or do you perceive it that way too?

Because hallucinations are a perceptual thing. If you aren't perceiving the thing but just getting so wrapped up in imagination that you start acting it out, that's not a hallucination.

I talk to myself when I'm deep in thought, and I'll also act things out sometimes, but I don't perceive anything that isn't there. I also have PTSD and I have flashbacks where I feel emotionally like the trauma is happening now, but I don't actually perceive it as a real sensation, just a very vivid yet disjointed memory.