Body Language and Gestures

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Hi,

I have HFA. I was watching a few videos today on YouTube about body language and gestures. From watching the last one I have a question...

Do you think it would be helpful to learn to do gestures as an autistic person or would the chances of using them innappropriately, or in the wrong context, be so high that it would be more effective to continue not to do them?

If you are autistic or have Aspergers, do you use gestures? Are you able to use them effectively? Do you sometimes get them wrong?

Here's the specific video I watched about gestures...

I think the latter, if there's a high chance you might get it wrong then it's probably better to abstain from using gestures altogether. It would only confuse your listener.

I really enjoyed that video!

I don't think I use gestures. I've never really thought about it. When they mentioned the 'show' gesture, which can be whatever you want it to be in order to illustrate your point, my initial thought was "how am I going to simultaneously think about my point AND work out how to show it with a physical movement?".

But primarily, what I got from that is how useless I am at standing. I can never work out how to stand without feeling incredibly uncomfortable, so I'm forever shuffling and it feels awkward. Primarily I put my hands into my pockets to limit the amount I have to think about (I have no clue where to put my hands otherwise), but they said that was a bad idea. When they recommended for everyone to stand up and then find what I think they called their 'base pose', I automatically shuffled so that one leg was bent at the knee and I was leaning on it. That's what I always seem to do, and then it feels awkward so I swap over to bend the other leg, and then I have to swap legs again, and all the while my hands have no clue where to be.

I've read tons of books on that subject. I didn't use gestures or postures or even talked as socially appropriate before.
Nowadays, IN THEORY, I can choose the idea that I want people to have of me according to the way I stand, talk and gesture. IT DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK.

I frequently offend people (sometimes badly) or end up embarrassed. But at least I have a good percentage of control over the situations in wich I consciously use those body language cues. It's way better than before, but, yeah, I don't have a specific behaviour for all possible situations, so sometimes I just assume "alpha male" patterns and that can offend easily some people or make them see you as a threat thus disliking you instantly.

I think it's good to know them. You can tell if someone's enjoying a conversation without asking them (as said, not always). What do you think?

Yes, I think that's how I feel too. I would estimate my chances of getting it right at less that 50% so on balance it would better of I stick to what I know. Thanks!




I know exactly what you mean. When I was young (up to 11years old) I would just stand exactly however I liked. I never gave it a thought. But in adolescence I was told I stood 'wrong' so I then tried to stand 'right' without knowing what 'right' was. After than I didn't know what to do with myself.





Thanks for your insight. I think what I've got from this is that I probably won't try to learn to do gestures because I think it will actually hamper my communication ability more than help it. But like you say, it's good to know them. It would be fab to know if someone is enjoying a conversation or not. Most of the time I can't tell but learning this stuff, even one gesture at a time will help me to be better.

If you need material on these topics, excellent books, online courses (free ones), playlists, these kinds of things, just give me a heads up, I have PLENTY of them. And it's not at all overwhelming with most of them. It's usually one gesture/posture and variations of it per chapter, it's really in depth as I enjoy having scientific based data to work with.

Good luck.

I know I use them like pointing and nodding and shaking my head and I fold my arms when I am walking to keep warm or when I am waiting or reading on the computer, etc. I never think about if I am using them wrong.

I think everyone does. It does say about autism lack of or inappropriate use of gestures but I still have to see someone with autism not use any gestures at all. But that is maybe more on the severe end of the spectrum.



I have no idea. As a kid non verbal communication was something I had to work on. I didn't even know there were different gestures people used until I was an adult such as hand moving. I thought it was a self stimulation people did while they spoke and how the man used hand gestures for telling his audience to get up and go to the other side of the room and using three different gestures, none of them had affect on me. I only see the pointing and that's all I understand.



How would one know unless someone makes a comment about it? My ex boyfriend didn't like me holding my finger up while talking to him but he was a weird guy anyway and had lot of problems so I don't know if he would count. Plus my mom has made comments about how I was sitting and she has tried correcting my standing as a kid and my body posture has been corrected when I would sit. I don't know if that counts as a body gesture. But no one has made any comments about my gestures in a real long time.

I would love to read a really good book or do an online course on this, especially if it has pictures or video of the gestures involved. Can you recommend something like that?

Thanks!! !

I read three books on Body Language before the one I'm going to recommend. The thing is, this one's so detailed and complete, that the other three I read became obsolete in comparison to this one regarding content. So why read three when you can read one that has it all?

The title is 'The Definitive Book of Body Language' by Allan and Barbara Pease. It has illustration, pictures and examples of each and every gesture and posture they talk about and the science behind it. They explain why, how and when people do them.

If there is anything you want to know about body language that you can't find in this book, let me know.
Anything you need on communications skills in general that I can help with, I'll be happy to do it.

Peacefully,
Dante.

I'm autistic and I use gestures....they can be very useful when words come to mind too slowly or not at all (they are easier for me).

I think my gesturing is mostly effective/understood by others.

I think there are occasions where I use bizarre/confusing/unique-to-animalcrackers gestures because people have occasionally mimicked my gesturing while expressing confusion or amusement (or both)....but that is the exception rather than the rule, I think.