Terminated Pregnancies

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I thought I had stepped back in time when I saw Aylissa post!

deja vu all over again!

Merle

hey...um, if you wanna fix that wind chime I know an easy way to do it
I can't imagine how you must have felt

I can't believe how irresponsible this was.

I agree, Pandora.
I have always thought that the decision to have an abortion must be a painful and carefully-considered one. I guess for some people, though, it's a joke.

Bazza, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you and your wife were brave enough to try again, and that you have two children as a result.

I think it took me a very long time to really take in , really understand, really GET, that what i did with guys i was in love/crush/awe/attachment with, because that is what they wanted to do, or what i thought they wanted to do, and they certainly seemed happy enough doing ! ! ( until had sex with father of my son, i don't think i ever actually wanted to have penetrative sex with anyone) actually might do anything as "biological" as fertilise an ovum in some fallopian tube somewhere below my head.
The two things were in different dimensions. To my "mind" one could not possibly lead to the other.

As a result i had an abortion aged 19, took morning-after pills on 3 occasions, and bashed my stomach, drank heavily, and danced violently deliberately to bring another pregnancy to a halt as soon as noticed tell tale nausea.
I tried every kind of contraception except IUD.

I think one can joke about it, have to. It's so sad.

I started to feel sadness for first time about 10 years ago. I would have a 23 year old daughter/son if had not had an abortion.
I admire, without knowing where she got it from, the courage/strength/whatever of some one who had been to same college as me; when she got pregnant at about same age as me, she had the baby. She dared to, perhaps had the support to. But out of the dozen or so women that i have been closest to in the last 25 years 9 have had abortions, and more than once in a couple of cases.

The abortion for me was driven by sheer total overwhelming panic, which i experienced all over again within days of birth of my son, total unreasoning terror, at a creature so dependent on ME, on ME, who can barely manage her own body.

But we mustn't make jokes about it ! ! Just sink into self hate, guilt, gloom, and self-reproach, for having been such a "feeble" irresponsible creature. I believed the books, the posters, the films, the stories, i believed that what you did with someone of the opposite sex who liked you was have sex, and at same time that babies only happened in families, to married people, not people like me. It's totally incomprehensible to me, after my mother had told me all about it when i was 9, and i'd read the book she gave me, and i was doing biology A-level, and went to university to STUDY biology and psych, that i should have so utterly failed to understand that sex makes babies.
But Autism /aspergers explains this sort of blindspot/difference of understanding, between the theoretical and the practical, between the mind and the body, and in our society it worked seriously to my disadvantage.

Last edited by ouinon on 15 Jan 2008, 4:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

This thread makes me very sad for a number of reasons, which I don't really feel up to discussing at the moment.
But to everyone who has lost a baby, for whatever reason, you have my sympathy, you really do.

Thank you.

I get the impression that some people think women who have abortions don't care. Of the women i knew who had had abortions ALL of them experienced some kind of upheaval/turbulence/pain/distress/horror/deep grief but were too driven by something to do otherwise. I was in pure panic. I HAD to have one; that's what it felt like.
Sometimes is years before aware of what it had meant, what it had done. But not one of the women i knew took it lightly. In my case i experienced it as an important badge of, ironically, womanhood, which in a sense it was for me, because pregnancy had made it clear that i really was one, but it led me to behave even more stupidly, thinking that i was really "one of the group" at last, belonged.

All the women in the recovery room at the clinic were unhappy; not one was insouciant, or uncaring.

Maybe there are women who don't care. I suppose it looked as if i didn't back then.


Don't mean to hijack thread but on careful reading it had seemed that could share about deliberate terminations and resulting sadness too on here. And I got riled by comments suggesting that abortion might be a joke for some.

Bazza,
I don't have any windchimes as reminders.

get some if you want-or something that you think is nice...
wind chimes are just pretty, guess why they're popular

Ouinon,
My comment was specifically in reaction to other posts in this thread.
You have gotten the wrong impression.

What would be the right impression then? Because i reread your post and it still gives me that impression.

The right impression would be that I think the great majority of women who have had abortions are thoughtful, caring people who made a very difficult decision.
The "joke" comment referred to a particular poster, whose attitude toward her multiple abortions seemed to suggest that she does not fall into this category.