People not believing you when you are telling the truth

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EveyHammond
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02 Jul 2016, 9:28 am

This always seems to happen whenever I associate with someone who lies to get attention so they can manipulate others. Why will go so far as to lie about other people. Being who I am I often like to let the other party know that this person is has been talking smack about them. They always seem to communicate with the person who lies and then seem to dump me after that.

I also had a traumatic experience when I was 5 years ago with another little boy who touched me in my private parts. My mother didn't believe me but regretted it later. It was "I should have told his father that." I asked "Why didn't you?" "Well I don't always believe you."



Last edited by EveyHammond on 02 Jul 2016, 12:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

XenoMind
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02 Jul 2016, 12:08 pm

SilverProteus wrote:
Good liars don't. ;) But most people are not good liars, and often give out signs that they aren't telling the truth.

Well... I often see people liying. Much less when their lies are called out.



BirdInFlight
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03 Jul 2016, 8:49 am

This has happened to me on and off all my life, yes, and for huge things that were huge truths you'd be a total psycho to lie about and fabricate down to even physical objects you can show people for "proof."

For one example, I must seem to people who meet me like some kind of moron who could never do the things I've done and so MUST be lying. I've lived in another country and there were people there through the years who didn't believe I was actually from my country of origin. One person who saw a framed picture I had of my father in his World War 2 naval uniform even said suspiciously "But that's OUR uniform." (Meaning his country, not my country of origin). No, it was MY country's uniform. Because my dad was from MY country not yours....This person kept suspecting that I was making it all up even when he saw my dad in the photo.

Then of all pigging ironies, when I moved back to my own country, people HERE were not believing I lived THERE. I showed someone my driving licence from THERE and he even said "But this doesn't look like you."

LMAO. First of all, is there anyone who likes their drivers licence, ID or passport picture and thinks it looks like them? Everybody looks weird in those pictures, because of the nasty fluorescents lights, the false smile or not, etc.

Plus the picture was from ten years previous. I happen to think I hadn't in fact changed that much, as I still get mistaken for ten years younger anyway, but still ten years ago, different clothing style, but I even had the same hair style. :roll:

The moves across the globe were the biggest things I'd ever done in my life yet I had people on both sides of the world strongly disbelieving that any of it wasn't made up. Which makes me really angry because it really is the biggest thing in my life and I'm even proud of having handled these huge moves and life in another country, which isn't n easy adjustment. I feel invalidated when people don't believe me about something so huge I'm not lying about. It's been weird and probably always will be because if I meet new people I'm still getting the suspicious eye if this comes up on conversation. The same with something I pursued for most of my life in a semi-professional career -- they flat out don't believe I would have the talent. People have disbelieved I was capable of something I'm actually gifted enough at that relevant people were blown away (the ones who believed me). I just come across to them as this silly person who wouldn't have had that life, I think.

And that always frustrates me really deeply. I'm basically not believed about 90% of my real life story and what I've done and what I've forced myself to be capable of -- and it really was hard work to do what I've done. It's profoundly invalidating for nobody new in my life to know this was all real. I live with this bull sh!t every day.


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On the other hand, friends will never need an explanation, and enemies bent on disliking me will never accept one.

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Fnord
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03 Jul 2016, 10:39 am

I usually wait for the right moment to say "I told you so" in public. It never fails to make the other people look stupid.

Hey, when someone humiliates me in public for trying to warn them that their facts are invalid or that their reasoning is flawed, it seems only fair that their humiliation should be in public, too.

This has made most people who know me re-check their conclusions whenever I express doubt about them. The rest seem to rely on humiliation, insinuation, and intimidation to get their way, and then they blame others when their plans fail.



XenoMind
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05 Jul 2016, 11:04 am

Fnord wrote:
I usually wait for the right moment to say "I told you so" in public.

Never worked for me. Usually they just evade. Or say me that I shouldn't be so vindictive.



EveyHammond
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07 Jul 2016, 8:09 am

I have learned to confront these persecutors directly without acting irrational. You can do this by asking them things like

1. What makes you think that?
2. What proof do you have that I am doing these things?
3. Where are you getting your facts from?



XenoMind
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10 Jul 2016, 9:20 am

EveyHammond wrote:
I have learned to confront these persecutors directly without acting irrational. You can do this by asking them things like

1. What makes you think that?
2. What proof do you have that I am doing these things?
3. Where are you getting your facts from?


Congrats, you've beaten the Level 1.
The really hard part starts when you behave rationally and other people don't.



EveyHammond
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10 Jul 2016, 10:49 am

Yeah because it means that they trying to make you squirm.



XenoMind
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10 Jul 2016, 11:30 am

EveyHammond wrote:
Yeah because it means that they trying to make you squirm.

I think they just lie too much, including lying to themselves.



AspieGuy4210
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19 Jul 2016, 11:02 pm

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you in the past, I had similar situations as well, and while I partially blame myself for it, it is due to the fact that sometimes I lie to avoid getting punishment, especially during my elementary and middle school years. However, the difference is that people either don't take me seriously or listen to what I have to say before casting judgment/conclusions. Since high school and even in present day, I became an honest person, but even then I still face similar problems especially with people not taking me seriously or listening to me, however, things have improved so I guess I have some hope in others.



stevens2010
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23 Jul 2016, 7:55 pm

It's the way we Aspies talk, and the sh**ty impression we can make on neurotypical people without intending to. Until I got to about 50 years of age, I was treated with suspicion by many people. I am sure i talked more like a professor than a criminal, but the difference was lost on a lot of people. This once cost me a lot of money, when my child's school teacher decided I looked like a creep and called the authorities.

After about 50, people started treating me a little more normally. It's one thing a lot of us could look forward to. As much of a downer as getting older can be in a lot of ways, this is one way that it's wonderful.



vincent_ellicott
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24 Jul 2016, 4:32 pm

I think people project their motives and abilities on others. If you tell someone that you are in pain, but you are not acting the way they would if they were in pain they react with skepticism. If you tell someone that you have done something and they think that they would not be able to do it, they react with skepticism. I think NTs (new term for me) often mistake attempts at helping as attempts to embarrass. I love to be corrected. If I have made a mistake and you tell me, I thank you. However, it has been my experience that nearly everyone just wants to be right. I have had to learn to not correct people unless it is really necessary.



stevens2010
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24 Jul 2016, 8:26 pm

BirdInFlight wrote:
...Then of all pigging ironies, when I moved back to my own country, people HERE were not believing I lived THERE. I showed someone my driving licence from THERE and he even said "But this doesn't look like you."


I'm sure it will come as no surprise to anyone here on WP (Aspie irony...) that I found frustration, when groups that i was in over the years had a negative impression of accomplishments of mine, that they raved about when other group members accomplished the same thing.

This led to me becoming a secretive adult, not wanting to tell anyone about my likes, accomplishments, or things that I am proud of, because it seemed to me that these things tended to be used against me. I believe the technical term for this is "persecution complex." :nerdy:

Two days stand out as the better days in my life. One was the day I walked out of high school for the last time. The second was the day I retired from my regular job.



aloevera
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27 Jul 2016, 2:21 pm

It happened to me for my whole life, and despite my effort on trying to make myself a more convincible person by learning and applying body language techniques, it never got better. I still face the same kind of suspicious that I had to face during my years as a teenager. Or the people don't believe what I am saying, or they don't take me seriously, or they don't even let me finnish what I am saying, they just go and interrupt me for the way.
I still have faith in humanity, so I like to think that it is something related to the tone of my voice. I can be way too monochordic many times, with little or unexisting inflexions, and make a lot of breaks during speach. Other times I think I maybe sound a bit insecure about what I say, even if I'm not insecure at all, and that leads people to doubt me. Still makes me angry though, like when someone is making fun about something I did and I want them to know the logic behind my behavior so they can understand that there is nothing to be laughed about, and they say things like 'yeah, yeah, right', or interrupt me all the time, or start speaking with someone else about a different thing (while I am trying to explain). It's just an example.

stevens2010 wrote:
This led to me becoming a secretive adult, not wanting to tell anyone about my likes, accomplishments, or things that I am proud of, because it seemed to me that these things tended to be used against me.


I relate to this so well.

I also developed the ability of relevating this kind of events. I know that the way I speak and all my body language can lead people to this. I also know that most of the people don't actually care for what the others have to say, as long as they can stick to the movies and realities they create in their own minds. But still, I can not relevate all of the times, and many times it still pisses me off, especially when it is an important matter that is on the table.


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yourkiddingme3
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08 Oct 2016, 9:08 pm

XenoMind and vincent_ellicot, ditto.



Last bumped by XenoMind on 08 Oct 2016, 9:08 pm.