How many people on WP are married.
I'm engaged (got engaged on my 26th birthday), so obviously I want to get married. I would love a wedding ceremony, but it can be a bit expensive. My colleagues at work seem interested in me having a wedding, but because of so much rejection I've had in my life, I've become conditioned to believe that people don't really like me enough to give up their weekend to attend an event that is about me, I can't see them actually showing up to my wedding and I assume they are just being polite.
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Female
Well, how about economic aspect of it... At least in United States you'd pay less in taxes if you're married, and once I started making decent money I quickly discovered that I don't want to give Uncle Sam anything more than I absolutely have to...
Believe it or not, sometimes you do meet a person to whom you'd like to give half your life. I did, though she said "I don't want it." Bummer.
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Enjoy the silence.
Differing attitudes about the shared household budget can indeed destroy a marriage, and "money arguments" is one of the top reasons among the reasons stated for people in why they are divorcing.
So it's not "money" that's important as in "are you rich?" "Money" matters as in "Do we have the same beliefs about the handling of our money?"
Because when you marry someone YOU DO MARRY THEIR DEBTS, their financial problems and their ability to wipe out both of your ableness to pay the rent that month.
One of the reasons for the demise of my last marriage was "financial infidelity" on my wife's part. She seemed to think I was a cash-cow, and ran up big debts without my consent, sometimes without my knowledge.........
...........In the UK you're not legally liable for your spouse's debts, and I wisely refused to have joint accounts etc. with her, but her creditors were often about to slap penalty fees and court charges onto her situation, and I couldn't just stand by and do nothing, so I'd grudgingly bail her out. Eventually I started insisting that she paid some of it off herself, and began to taper down the bail-out money, and it was only then that she learned to be a little more responsible. So I agree that a relationship is often about money. It doesn't have to be, there's no reason why a couple can't operate completely separate finances, but I don't see how that can work if you live together and share resources to any extent at all. Personally I much prefer apply the socialist principle of each paying in according to their ability and taking according to their needs, which is a principle based on love, but if the couple have a widely different attitudes to frugality, borrowing, fiscal responsibility and turnover, it makes a mockery of that principle.
EXCUSE THE SPLIT POST, THE CAPCHA MONSTER IS AT IT AGAIN.
BirdInFlight
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Age: 62
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Posts: 4,501
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Yes, there has to be a loving agreement about putting in and taking out according to ability. But there are very basic ways that can ruin things in a shared household even if you keep separate accounts in everything. If Jack and Jill have separate accounts but Jack (or Jill) is constantly overspending his own money, and failing to put an agreed amount toward crucial outgoings such as the rent, Jill is left covering his deficit come rent time, or even not having enough to cover it and boom, rent is in arrears.
Very simple catastrophes like that can happen and only needs one partner to spend all their money leaving not enough, or the other partner does not have the extra means to make it up.
This is why two people need to be sure of how exactly the other person handles their money, because the way someone else handles their own personal money will affect your shared life together together too, if you have any shared payments, like rent and bills. If one person cannot carry the entire can on those, and it's agreed that both contribute, either partner failing to contribute due to blowing their cash, can destroy that marriage eventually.
Example. My husband and I had very little money. He was a student and had a part-time job. I had a full time job but minimum wage. Together technically we made enough to just cover rent and bills. With some left over for fun spending. But only some. We had separate account and wrote two checks for rent and bills. Neither of us alone could afford the entire rent or the entire bills.
My husband and I were not making much, and living hand to mouth, and he would regularly spend money on, say, a $50 book on design history just before rent time, when we had rent of 400 and only 420 in the bank between us. That 420 between our two accounts needed to be untouched by both of us until those rent checks were signed and sent. He could not ever fundamentally understand that.
That's the kind of thing that will destroy a marriage over time.
...........I think marriage often is very much about sex (among other things, usually). I see nothing wrong with a mutually-agreed asexual marriage, but I think most people see sex as an important part of the deal. Legally, non-consummation is still grounds for divorce for heterosexual marriages in England and Wales, though it's been argued that it shouldn't be. Some folks feel very strongly that marriage should be kept in its "traditional" form, i.e. for the monogamous procreation of children, for heterosexuals only, etc. Once again, it's probably wise to check out any potential partner's attitudes in advance.
EXCUSE SPLIT POST AGAIN, CAPCHA IS GOING BERSERK TODAY.
BirdInFlight
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Age: 62
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What I meant was, having inferred that the other poster meant marriage shouldn't be ONLY about seeking convenience as in regular sex or seeking someone with money. Nobody should get married just because they are looking for sex or money in and of themselves. I was agreeing with that poster. Because some people do just get married ONLY because they are looking to solve a deficit in those two areas.
The decision to get married should be not just about getting to have regular sex, and should definitely not be about getting someone with more money into your life. That's where that comment was coming from, and my own agreement.
marriage should be other things in addition not just those things.
lostonearth35
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Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,896
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?
Well, how about economic aspect of it... At least in United States you'd pay less in taxes if you're married, and once I started making decent money I quickly discovered that I don't want to give Uncle Sam anything more than I absolutely have to...
Believe it or not, sometimes you do meet a person to whom you'd like to give half your life. I did, though she said "I don't want it." Bummer.
Deja vu.
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Enjoy the silence.
Engaged, with eventual plans to marry. When we can afford to!
We're not planning anything grandiose. Something small, but intimate, and we only plan on getting married once.
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"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."
"And I've embraced the calamity, with a detachment and a passive disinterest."
"I hear voices...But I ignore them and just carry on killing."
At its core, marriage is a financial contract.
You can dress it up however you want, and love the person or not.
That's well and good.
If you get divorced, it all comes down to paperwork, acquisitions, capital gains, division of equity, and taxes.
Divorce uses the word "sever" pertaining to contributions.
You might as well purchase shares you like and ride the stock market.
I'm not against love, but I'll never be in another relationship where I'd need a lawyer to end it.
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And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
Beautifully said. Nice prespective.
Last edited by Cornflake on 19 Jan 2023, 6:44 am, edited 1 time in total.: Fixed broken quote tags
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