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Dreadful Dante
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28 Jun 2016, 4:26 pm

There were people in my life who bullied me and picked on me for being different.

Nowadays I believe I'm able to understand the unchoosable path of being born with different neurobiological pathways to learn the same things.

I often hear "You're gonna get over it", "Everyone has struggles" or "There are more important things to worry about". Of course everyone has struggles and important things!

People seem so reluctant and defensive to let go of their tiny worlds of perfect and imaginary stereotypes. They use superficial and useless labels ALL THE TIME, but when it comes to actually using a useful one, they say "You just want attention!".

People around me seem so skeptical of my struggles that they say I'm overreacting when I'm absolutely calm and centered.

They say I must be wrong when I present them with tons of proof and data.

They ask me why I want to have a disorder. When what I'm actually thinking of is of getting diagnosed and properly dealing with it with the help of someone who doesn't think I'm going mad.

They say "It's temporary", "I was shy like that too", "Everyone goes through embarrassments throughout their lives." or "You just haven't found the right person" <- (This one I heard today, hilarious, isn't?).

Am I losing my mind?
I miserably tried to fit for 19 years, went through self-harm, depression, exhaustion on a daily basis, constant meltdowns, traumas, emotional abuse, a life time of loneliness and now that I found out why I'm different, what I hear is "stop saying that, you just haven't found the right person"?

Again... They make me question my own sanity. Am I the wrong one? They don't seem to understand me, NO ONE seems to understand ANYTHING I say. NO ONE has enough time to wait for me to think and answer their questions. NO ONE seems to be even listening to the things I say. 99% of the time people respond in a completely opposite way to what I meant. They want me to use clear language without giving me time to figure out what they mean with "clear language".

Am I losing my mind? Somebody please tell me I'm not and some good reasons.

They tell me I'm gonna get over it. When people say that, what I hear is "I didn't hear you saying you've been like this your entire life, so I'm gonna assume you need attention and give you a quickfix".

Am I losing my mind?

Still peaceful,
Dante.



Last edited by Dreadful Dante on 28 Jun 2016, 5:47 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Kuraudo777
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28 Jun 2016, 4:29 pm

^You're not losing your mind at all. You seem saner than a lot of people out there, and I can relate to a fair bit of what you're saying. :) Feel free to PM me if you'd ever like to chat.


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Dreadful Dante
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28 Jun 2016, 5:10 pm

Kuraudo777 wrote:
^You're not losing your mind at all. You seem saner than a lot of people out there, and I can relate to a fair bit of what you're saying. :) Feel free to PM me if you'd ever like to chat.


Thanks, man. I appreciate it.



kraftiekortie
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28 Jun 2016, 5:13 pm

You're not going to "get over" your autism.

But you will adapt with your autism better as you get older.



EmmaHyde
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28 Jun 2016, 5:15 pm

Dante,

I totally understand what you are going through, especially the self harm thing. Please know that you are not alone and that no one truly wishes to go through any of the things that you've listed. (I know I didn't). Know that it's not the "right person" that will change you or seeing the world or whatever they are suggesting. It is the way your brain is made up, it's part of you.

And no you aren't losing your mind, especially with the quick fix thing at the end. So many people have lost their compassion for others and do not care how others feel anymore. Hang in there buddy, you can do it and feel free to PM if you ever need to rant.

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Lover of comics, tv, movies, video games, fuzzy blankets, animals, writing, crafting, and tumblr. I'm trying to figure out what is going on in my brain at the moment.
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Self-Identifying Aspie working towards getting an official diagnosis
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 175 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 59 of 200
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League_Girl
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28 Jun 2016, 5:45 pm

No you are not losing your mind. I got the same thing like "that happens to all kids" "they do that to everyone" "They're just second graders" "You're normal" but yet I was having pills shoved down my throat in the 4th grade so that is a good way of convincing a child they're normal, not. But also other things I was told turned out to be true because I was told by my mother in my first relationship that I needed to be with the right guy when I told her how my anxiety gets in the way and my ex keeps causing it. In high school I kept being told things would get better when I leave high school and I was convinced my problems would keep following me because I thought I would keep on running into people who won't be nice to me.

Now I am with a great guy (he isn't normal either :wink: ) and there is no change in my behavior and I haven't faced any bullying or meanness from people since high school. I did feel then my problems were being trivialized. I had always known I was different from other kids since early childhood and I wasn't stupid to buy the bullshit I was normal when I was 10, 11, or 12. If I was so normal, I wouldn't be an easy target you know and I would be likable by other kids and they wouldn't think of me as weird and rude or mean or selfish and my own friends wouldn't reject me and the school wouldn't treat me different. I was told this was all normal but it happened to me all the time. No wonder I had depression and low self esteem. I had to fight to prove my view wasn't distorted so my mom asked to have me be videotaped in class and she saw I was not exaggerating and there really were other kid rules and League Girl rules. But I have read how special needs people and kids are more likely to be abused.

I can't say if things will get better now that you are an adult because people are more mature now and will be too busy with their own lives to give you a hard time but you will still run into jerks once in a while. That is my experience.

Also I don't even bother to talk about my issues because I know I will get "it's stressful for everyone" "everyone has problems" "That is normal teen stuff" "yeah it's hard being a parent." It's like gaslighting except it's not intentional. People really don't know. Even my own mother has trivialized my teen issues I had like how all teens feel abandoned by their families feeling like they don't listen or care about them. Yes I am sure lot of teens feel that way but I know for me it was more than that. I sometimes think my mother likes to normalize me and I am sure her intentions behind it are good but then it makes me feel I am trying to be special and then I wonder what if she is right and I am wrong.


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I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


Dreadful Dante
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28 Jun 2016, 6:26 pm

One thing I'm wrong about is when I said no one seems to understand me. You guys do. Kraftie, you reassured me. Thanks.

I haven't been officially diagnosed (I can't find specialists or professionals with experience with Asperger's in adults, but I will), but I do believe I could profit very much from it.

Emma, you made feel the warm fuzzies. I feel like smiling and singing The Phantom of the Opera throughout the night right now or dancing to it but my headphones stopped working. You're very loving, sweet and caring. Thank you SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!

This is me before:

https://67.media.tumblr.com/21b259040be ... o1_500.gif

This is me gathering strength:

http://i.imgur.com/WXbDduU.gif

This would be me dancing:

https://a.dilcdn.com/bl/wp-content/uplo ... stitch.gif

League Girl, thank you for sharing you're story and relating to my experiences. I'm happy your doing better now and have someone who can enjoy awkwardness with you!

One thing is bothering, but it has nothing to do with autism (I think):

I'm learning to better express certain feelings, problems and situations through this forum. But the forum is in English and my country doesn't speak English. The language here doesn't have "natural sounding" equivalent translations I could profit from. So for some of them I actually know the name in English but don't have any way to say it in my mother tongue in an appropriate way... I can, but it sounds pedantic, robotic and makes people not understand me well.

I love my first language, but it isn't good AT ALL for describing emotions precisely. I had to say it, the world deserves to know this.

Confused,
Dante.



Kuraudo777
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28 Jun 2016, 6:53 pm

^Don't worry. It is basically impossible for any language to adequately describe emotion, unless you sing.


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A memory is something that has to be consciously recalled, right? That's why sometimes it can be mistaken and a different thing. But it's different from a memory locked deep within your heart. Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel.” Tifa Lockheart, Final Fantasy VII


nurseangela
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28 Jun 2016, 7:37 pm

Hey, it's me, Miss NT. Hey that rhymed! :mrgreen:
Anyway, you are having quite a few problems with the people in your life so I would say you need to get diagnosed. It is that way with anything health-wise or psychological - any condition, no one will believe you without a diagnosis because some think they have some of the same symptoms and sometimes they do. They can't argue with a diagnosis, then the ball is in their court on whether or not they want to try to understand you. The ones that care about you will take the time to learn more about AS. The others aren't worth your time.

The only part I don't like is then you have a diagnosis on your history which I'm not a big fan of when it comes to finding a job and health insurance, etc. I always told my Aspie friend not to put it on his job applications - he was going to school for speech pathology and I think it would be a problem when he went to find a job. Not all people think like that, but I do. My last employer had us sign a paper saying if we had any health problems and that saying so wasn't going to be used against us - of course they said that several times on the paper which was weird. Anyway, "Autism" was on the list and now that they do not have "Aspergers" everyone now has "Autism". But that's up to you. You have to weigh the pros with the cons.


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Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Dreadful Dante
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28 Jun 2016, 8:31 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Hey, it's me, Miss NT. Hey that rhymed! :mrgreen:
Anyway, you are having quite a few problems with the people in your life so I would say you need to get diagnosed. It is that way with anything health-wise or psychological - any condition, no one will believe you without a diagnosis because some think they have some of the same symptoms and sometimes they do. They can't argue with a diagnosis, then the ball is in their court on whether or not they want to try to understand you. The ones that care about you will take the time to learn more about AS. The others aren't worth your time.

The only part I don't like is then you have a diagnosis on your history which I'm not a big fan of when it comes to finding a job and health insurance, etc. I always told my Aspie friend not to put it on his job applications - he was going to school for speech pathology and I think it would be a problem when he went to find a job. Not all people think like that, but I do. My last employer had us sign a paper saying if we had any health problems and that saying so wasn't going to be used against us - of course they said that several times on the paper which was weird. Anyway, "Autism" was on the list and now that they do not have "Aspergers" everyone now has "Autism". But that's up to you. You have to weigh the pros with the cons.


I will always have that in mind! Thanks for bringing that up.



HisShadowX
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29 Jun 2016, 4:44 am

It's a matter of finding a place of stability for you and getting out on your own and building from there.



Dreadful Dante
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29 Jun 2016, 7:24 am

HisShadowX wrote:
It's a matter of finding a place of stability for you and getting out on your own and building from there.


I will!



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29 Jun 2016, 3:11 pm

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Dreadful Dante
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29 Jun 2016, 3:13 pm

Starfoxx wrote:
You should probably end yourself



I should probably end IT myself.

Better now.



Kuraudo777
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29 Jun 2016, 3:14 pm

^Nice kitty. :)


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A memory is something that has to be consciously recalled, right? That's why sometimes it can be mistaken and a different thing. But it's different from a memory locked deep within your heart. Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel.” Tifa Lockheart, Final Fantasy VII