How to find a Girlfriend

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I left Plenty of Fish because it too challenging. There are too many communication barriers. The life online is not what suppose to be in reality. Online dating is a myth to greatness of myself.

I suffer rejections from time to time. I have been judged by my inspirational desires and achievements that I have earned in my life. I am a presenter, public speaker and advocate for Diversity and Inclusion. People in reality listened to me, but online world doesn't. That the communication tend to be justified.

Now I am member of few groups in my city, twice more than this time last year when I was socially inactive. Now I am active, making positive outcomes and outlooks for many people. I want diversity to be pledged in politics. I want to see people's lives to be fair, healthy, safe and happier. My achievement is to be a leader for that initiative.

I never had a relationship nor a date. I share my experiences of why that is so. It is because I wasn't socially active, but the current generation is not as clear as many previous generations basing on what people want to do with their lives. Majority of my friends have relationships from time to time, many are short term and casual sex. Their ages are between 18 and 24. I am 25, and I see many people who are older than me are mixed of being single and are in long term relationships. Right now I am seeing I am standing in middle of the transition of behaviours.

So in response to the poster/OP on this thread about the dating website. Your profile is brilliant and unique. Being yourself is very important thing. When people try to make changes themselves for others, it is very likely to be unhappy and disruptive. I seen it all. I watched my friends suffer heartbreaks. It not good. I also seen people change their sexuality because they were forced to. It not natural when you are not being yourself.

I met many people who are natural themselves are still single and haven't had any intimacy experiences. Likewise as you, in same situation as I am but I am older than you. It is a good thing that being yourself and don't change the way who you are, its more likely to come a happier life. Women will learn later on. I met few 30 year old women through meetups who are single and settled down. They want naturally happy and confident guys.

Nobody should try and radically change *who* they are, but changing how you come across and how you present yourself is usually something that most people have to do at least a little of. Finding the right style of clothes that looks good on you, or getting in a little better shape, or a better looking hairstyle or even trying to clear up your complexion aren't major changes in who a person is. Also, many people can use some help when writing a paragraph for a dating site because of course they want it to sound good and attract someone so they could be a bit nervous and many times that causes them to write in a way that sounds halting or crowded. That isn't changing who someone is either.

People should do things for self improvement, even if it's not done to attract a partner. It can help you in other aspects of life as well. Learning to communicate better can help in getting complaints and requests taken seriously, it can help in getting a job and making friends. Looking more attractive (as in looking nice vs looking sexy) and more polished than you did can help in getting a job or advancing in one you already have and in meeting people or being invited places. None of this is changing who you are.

When I finally got friends at about 13 they saw something in me that seemed to be hidden underneath my awkwardness, weirdness and even dirtiness because I didn't even know enough to shower every day. They taught me how to dress, to walk, to talk, and also what not to do. That was important because up until then people basically hated me and bullied me horribly and didn't want anything to do with me. They forced me to do some things I didn't want to and was scared to at the time but I'm glad they did. I had to learn them sometimes. Things like talking to boys and standing up for myself. It got easier over time and became second nature. They basically taught me to be normal and NT. Back then nobody knew about AS so I wasn't a "special" kid, I was just a nerd and gross. I didn't change who I was I change how I came across and it changed my life. Without their help I would have ended up living with my mother and a bunch of cats and not know anything about social interaction or relationships, etc. Yeah, I was THAT girl.

So nobody is asking him to be somebody else. They are advising him how to come across better so he can accomplish his goal, getting a gf. I know you said you haven't had one and that's up to you if you feel that doing something like tweaking your profile or working on your appearance is too much of a betrayal of yourself to do to get a gf, but I'm glad I did what I did to meet guys because otherwise I wouldn't be married with four great kids.

How does doing those things translate to changing who he is?

^
I think not understanding the difference between "who" you are and "what" you are is causing a lot of misunderstandings here. Improving hygiene, appearance, manners, self-awareness, having a job etc are part of "what" you are and won't change "who" you are. They are merely tools that will help you meet more people and generally make a better first impression (some might also improve your quality of life too). You're merely increasing your chances for more people to stick around and find out "who" you are.

If the way you come across/present yourself is off-putting or unattractive, they won't be interested in finding out who you are.

Clearing up skin is not a simple issue. I'd just like to point that out for other users. Even when you go to the doctor some times you can't find the right solution. It's depressing. I've been through phases of having cystic acne and you feel ashamed of your own skin and it knocks your confidence and sometimes it feels like there's not much you can do about it.

There's no rhyme or reason for mine. It's sporadic and clears up by the time I've got round to going to the doc. Most of the time I do have clear skin, then i go through a bad phase then it's like I never has a problem again. It's weird


The thing is I can wear makeup, so I can cover it. To a certain extent.

Also, you do think, oh the spots will clear up in a couple of weeks the doc will just be like why are you wasting my time on this. It's hard to believe someone will help for something that seems trifling.

Anyway, I understand the feeling of not knowing what to do about your skin.

Any lurkers please do go see your doc. We're all different and your doc may have a solution for you! But if it's not an easy fix don't despair. It doesn't make you less of a person. Lots of good looking famous people have skin issues we never notice.

Take Kate Winslet. Same problem as me. Hit 30 and developed skin issues. Still got raving reviews for having beautiful skin. She read the magazine articles like Wtf?! Oh well it can't be that bad.

Over washing with harsh products can actually make skin worse btw. Ironically it doesn't make you cleaner, it strips the skin of its natural oils.

If it's anything to anyone with bad skin, I never cared if a potential mate had acne or scars or not.

I had bad skin as a teen too and have have acne off and on since. I'm 52 now and still get zits and have oily skin so that's weird that when wrinkles should be my issue, I'm still dealing with the same thing as high school lol.

Like I told the OP one thing that's helped me and my kids is toothpaste. I don't know why it works but it does. It may not work on everybody but it can't hurt and is worth a shot. Get plain old school crest toothpaste. No gel,no tater or whitening or any of that. Put it on the zits and not like a face mask. Leave it on for a bit and wash it off. Up to 30 mins is fine. It burns but it dries them up in a few days. I hope it helps you, it did me and my kids. I learned it from another girl I went to high school with who used it herself.

I've also heard mashing up aspirin and using it in a mask can help but never tried it. I'm sure there is a recipe for it somewhere online.

Brilliant post, it was like taking the red pill...

Women face the same type of thing. The only thing these things illustrate is that humans are visual creatures who are attracted to certain aesthetic ideals.

I watched a documentary about masculinity yesterday. This highlights quite well of what girls select their boyfriends in their 20s. Usually muscular, alcoholic guys.

^ I think you may mean "athletic" guys.

Although I can see the appeal of alcoholic guys too

Ever heard of Anglo Saxons?

Prop open an empty refrigerator box with a stick. Tie a string to the stick and hide in the bushes and wait for a girlfriend to come along. Oh, I forgot the bait! Put a box of Godiva chocolates (unopened with ribbon intact) under the box. When the girlfriend goes for the chocolates, pull the string and Voila!

i'm older than you and still single as well, and my brother is the same age as you and he has never had a girlfriend either, not even a first date or first kiss yet either.