How to find a Girlfriend

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What else can i do?

It may seem like a flippant answer, but the best think you can probably do is enjoy your life and be happy. You will meet and attract people and be able to select the best partner for yourself. If you view dating as a system or game, I think you will only end up disappointed (either with or without a relationship). If all we had to do was figure out the right formula to attract someone, none of us would be on here confused and looking for advice. Online dating can certainly work--try it if that's what you want to do. You will probably be happier joining groups and going out to do things you like. That way finding someone is a bonus, not an objective. You will be happy for already doing what you like, and a relationship will be something extra. Knowing what you want in a partner helps, too. Focusing on that rather than the more general "relationship" may be helpful.

An active life usually includes working, perhaps school or training, recreational activities, social activities, maybe volunteering.

No one can tell you exactly what to do, as no one is in a position to know what is possible or what you are capable of doing. So basically come up with goals and get your ball rolling and keep it rolling.

It takes far longer than 8 hours to see any improvement on those sites. Typically if I send a message, it will be at least 12 hours before I hear back at a minimum, if I hear back at all. It took me almost 5 years of using them on and off before I found anything worthwhile from them, and some people never find anything on them. They're good for some people and not as good for others, and while they worked for me, they aren't for everyone. Have you considered joining an autism support group in your area?

Your profile is still super-short, and I would recommend expanding more. Why do you want to visit Africa to see the lions? How did you become interested in animal care? What are your goals in life (aside from finding happiness, which is pretty much everyone's goal)? Where are some of your top travel destinations? What are your favorite movies and why? How long have you lived in your current city? Providing more information like that helps to show people who you are, and gives them a basis to connect with you. You don't want a novel, but you want a 2-3 paragraph summary that basically describes the core of who you are.

Also, I highly agree with HighLlama's response above. The happier and more active that you are in your own life, the easier it will be to find somebody (and the easier it is to deal with not finding somebody).

I'll try.

First though, let me say, I dislike these online dating sites for a few reasons, and so I don't think you should rely heavily on them to find a mate.

1. There are elements of a person that only come across in person. Someone might find you unattractive from a photo, but attractive in person, and these dating sights are not capable of relaying such elements.

2. They cause people to forgo what they will take, and be happy with, by giving the illusion that the mate of their dreams is within their reach. For example, if give someone a form to fill out, detailing what kind of car they want, and what they can afford isn't a factor, most people will pick something pricey, that would be out of their reach in real life. If you limit them to what they can afford, they might reject all of their choices. But if you tell them to go to the dealer and buy a car, they will be presented with what they can afford, and test drive one, and chances are, will find one they like enough to buy, and be happy with it.

3. As most people still meet their mates offline, the dating sites have a high proportion of very picky people, and very undesirable people, and these two demographics are usually completely incompatible.

That all being said, you're not ugly, but you should make an effort to lose a little bit of weight. You say you are an adventurer, but you are wearing a polo shirt and standing in a dining room. Maybe your photos should reflect a little more of your adventurer side.

As already suggested by people like The_Face_of_Boo, the first and foremost thing you need in order to get a girlfriend is to be worthy of it. This should be anything but easy. Never forget men used to be required to go to war and fight to the death many times before they remotely had any business approaching a woman other than a prostitute, thus ensuring the weak among them were promptly weeded out and never came even close to having a chance.

As ruthless as sexual selection may be today in the developed world, it was immensely more brutal at any other time in history, and still is in poorer places. Anyone coming from such environments, man or woman alike, would be very disgusted by any expectation of having it so easy. Can you imagine a Viking or a Spartan reading this thread? The least unpleasant reäction you could expect from them would be to chop off your head with a mighty blow of their ax or sword. Alternatively, they could draw out your agony for a while, to make a bit more clearly the point that they have exactly zero respect for you.

I'm sure there were Autistic Spartans or Vikings who would have benefited from good advice.

I would take out the sentence about having autism. Most will immediately think that you are lower functioning than you are or that you are very disabled and wouldn't want to do regular things on a date. Save that for a need to know basis.

Also, I would use a different photo. That one looks stiff and nervous. Maybe take several and find a more relaxed looking one. Turn your head slightly so you aren't staring straight into the camera like it's a drivers license photo or a mugshot. Maybe take the photo outside or somewhere other than where it looks like you are sitting at your computer. Just because it's computer dating doesn't mean it has to look like it's computer dating.

One thing that worked great for my acne when I was young and works wonders for my kids acne is toothpaste. Get plain, old fashioned, regular Crest toothpaste without the gel or whitening or tarter prevention or whatever else new additions they have now. Just the stuff you can get for a dollar, and dab it on the zits and then wash it off after about 30 minutes. Yes, it burns but try to leave it on for the whole 30 mins. It works great and clears it up within days.

WHile I didn't notice that you seemed that bad out of shape, do remember that while you want a girl to like you for who you are and you like her for who she is, appearance is important and both parties do have to make an effort to be more attractive. Girls go to a good bit of trouble usually anyway so we look better to guys, so it's not too much to ask for a guy to put forth an effort to be more attractive so girls will be attracted to him. If someone isn't willing to put forth an effort to improve themselves to attract a potential mate, then they most likely won't be willing to put for an effort in the relationship so that the other person is happy dating them. Would you want to date a girl who didn't bother too much about her appearance or her body and just showered and put on clean clothes and said "There, thats me and it's good enough"? If so, then maybe there is a girl like that out there who doesn't expect anything much from you either, as she's obviously not putting forth much of an effort and hopefully you can run into her on the site.

Also, I would find a way to step up your membership and pay for it so you will have access to more people. I would imagine that girls see whether or not you paid for your membership and just write off those who didn't buy a membership as just guys who aren't really looking for dates and just made a profile for fun or something. Or maybe as guys who just made a profile to find hookups for booty calls or something. It can't be all that much and if you don't work you can probably find a way to do something around the house for money from your parents to pay for it. Cut the grass for them or do the housework for a week or offer to do some extra chores or wash the car or something. Find out what they need you to do for the 40 bucks or so and do it.

Try putting some references to popular things in your profile. Mention what bands you like or what movies. Use longer sentences and add some detail. You aren't sending a telegram, you can write more than the bare basics. Ask a question in your profile, near the end, so it gives the girl something to say when responding to your ad. Something along the lines of "I'd love to travel to Africa one day and see the lions. Where would you like to go? I'd love to hear what your dream trip is." That is a conversation starter and it gives you both a jumping off point.

I don't particularly think that shirt shows you at your best, maybe wear a button down shirt, one with vertical stripes in dark jewel tones on white or ecru, not pastels. I think your coloring would work better with darker jewel tones or muted shades and not brights, primary colors, or pastels. Thats just my personal preference, I like them better than the polo type shirts, and it's amazing how much difference the right colors can make to flatter someones overall appearance.

These are just my personal opinions and I am a good bit older, 52, and have been married almost 30 years, but when I was younger I dated a whole lot, and while it was way before computer dating (or even computers) the ideas are still basically the same. Presenting yourself in the best way possible to give the best first impression and to trigger her interest in getting to know you. You have to come across as attractive and interesting and seem like someone she would like to get to know. And physical attraction is important. Unless you meet someone in a chat room or some type of text only medium, you need to catch her eye before you can catch her interest. That pretty much stays the same no matter how you meet. I mainly met the guys I dated through friends or hanging out and they would come around with another friend to see someone else in the group. Or I have met guys while I was at work, or guys I ran into several times at a bar or a restaurant or something like that at a place I went to fairly often. I've met guys when I hung out at the park with some friends in this big group of folks who came and went a lot and the group was constantly changing and all anybody did was just sit around at this park across from a pizza place on Southside at night and listen to music from somebody's car stereo who cranked it up. I've met guys at concerts or big street parties they used to have back then. I've met guys at places I never didn't go to looking to meet a guy. You can meet a date anywhere really. I met my husband at the job I had at the time. I was a cashier at a convenience store/gas station. He came in after work to buy gas, cigarettes and beer and I thought he was hot and told the other girl I was working with that evening and she told him. Embarrassed the hell out of me for a second when she told him, but he thought I was good looking too and he hung around and chatted for a minute and he started hanging around and chatting every day when he came in after work and we started hanging out together and the rest, as they say, is history. So, you can meet somebody anywhere. It's just a matter of smiling, and then starting a conversation with someone if they smile back. It's hard to do if you're shy and thats something I used to have a problem with but had to force myself out of it. It's not always that simple but if you can get past shyness and lose the fear of talking to strangers and learn small talk and flirting it's a huge help. I've even approached guys and asked them out, with wonderful results.

So, it's not as difficult as it sounds, and once you figure out the basics and start working on your own style and such it gets a lot easier. Don't expect big results at first, but keep trying, keep changing and improving and tweaking things until you find what works for you and then keep talking to girls and asking them out until you find one who you really like and who likes you also.

Also, keep in mind that just because she goes out with you on a date doesn't mean she's going to be your girlfriend. A first date is just a first step towards that. Most times you have to go on a lot of first dates to find one you want to date on a longer term basis, and a first date doesn't always mean a second date will follow, so don't feel bad if that happens.

But, to begin with I'd suggest trying those things I mentioned and seeing if they don't help out. But definately look for and find a good site that you can join and also one that you do pay for. It works both ways there for a pay site. Not only does it show to girls that you are serious about finding someone to date and meeting people, and it's not just a lark or a dare, or a booty call profile, but the girls who pay to join it are also serious about finding someone and you are more likely to fin someone who is looking for dates and checks back at the site to see their messages than you would be if she's just somebody who joined up some free site and put a profile there. You get what you pay for and using the free features or a free site kind of gives the message that either internet dating isn't something you are taking seriously, or that you don't think the girls you will meet on there are worth paying for the chance to get to know. It makes you seem unsure of the whole thing and like you are just half assing it. I've heard people here talk about OKCupid, and I've seen EHarmony advertised on TV a lot. I have heard of POF but haven't seen a commercial for it or anything. There are tons of sites so I'd look around at some of them and see what they have to offer and all and then sign up.

Good luck and let me know if any of my suggestions help you, and you want any more advice feel free to ask me for it. I'm always happy to give out advice, and I'm usually pretty good at solving other people's problems although I suck at solving my own many times.

I like your perspective.

Spartan society placed very high expectations on bravery, conformity, and discipline. Who knows how they treated children who could not conform. I imagine there were beatings though I also imagine that there was a good deal of mentoring as well. Maybe too many beatings and not enough mentoring though, as the size of their citizen population did dwindle and their society did disintegrate.

There are numerous guys that are anything but worthy but still have a girlfriend. And numerous guys that are worthy but without one. Worthiness has little to do with it.

Many brave warriors just died or remained alone. The less brave men staying behind got laid a lot more (in the not-raping way). And if the warriors lived now they'd feel very lonely and alienated. They'd feel little respect with all the pacifist sentiments around. And availability is an issue here too, army (and policemen's) wives know about it.

During the Vietnam war, the guys staying behind got laid like rabbits while soldiers just got traumatised in a strange country. Honor? Worthiness? Justice? Everybody getting what they deserve?

Forget about it. We live in chaos.

There are no absolute truths and there are no clear dating rules beyond the most basic ones like personal hygiene, good conversation habits etcetera. Don't expect anything, regardless of what you do.

Do you really think that all the men that have a girlfriend first decided to spend their life on their worthiness before they ever approached that woman? She just liked him for some reasons. Worthiness can only be measured in a much later and more critical stadium. The guys that have the most success with women are the generally the least trustworthy for a solid relationship. They're just good at smooth talking and looking reasonably handsome. The stuff on the outside is what yields success, what's on the inside can only be found out later and we don't live in very patient times.

So, worthiness has got nothing to do with it whatsoever. Work on yourself because of it's own merits, not because women dig it.

Personally, I wouldn't be attracted to you. I am an average to somewhat above average woman.

You could do way better in the looks departement. To me right now you don't look fit and healthy. You might not be overweight, but you could certainly get in shape because you look a bit dumply. Also, ditch the glasses or het a better haircut. Best Both. This makes your face so round. Lastly, your clothing style is not bad but rather boring and bland. Go for something groovier.

LOL.....I haven't seen or heard the word "groovy" used in that context since the 1970s.

Note: Same guy in all 3.


Note 2: Don't believe those who tell you that POF/Okc is different than Tinder.

I don't think your profile is so good. First, you should avoid mentioning autism. Second, you should avoid repeating yourself, and also make sure everything is spelled correctly. Third, you probably should omit wanting to go to Africa to see lions (too odd). Forth, you should go deeper into things, like about animals that seems to be important to you, and which can trigger a girls interest.

Walking is free. Gamify it. Download Google fit app and set goals. See how many steps you can take in a day. Play pokemon go. It's a free app. There are loads of exercise videos on YouTube. That's free and you can do it at home.