A good trend : Men stopped(cold) approaching women for good.

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kraftiekortie
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12 Jul 2016, 5:57 pm

No, Inchinin, I grew up and started talking to girls when I was very young.

You are cherry-picking, and looking for something to criticize. There's better ways to spend one's time.



Chronos
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12 Jul 2016, 11:18 pm

Here are my thoughts on this.

Cold approaching a complete stranger in a random place is probably the method with the highest risk of rejection, and it seems that those who struggle socially are the most relegated to it, due to lack of real life social networks through which they can be introduced to people, and meet friends of friends, and so on.

If a person is terrified of rejection, and responds poorly to it, cold approaching is not a good method for them.

HOWEVER

There are two types of men when it comes to approaching women. Men who look at women and fear being rejected to them, and men who look at women and just have to go over and talk to them. These men have fundamentally different perceptions of the world. The first man focuses on the goal he might not obtain, and the second man focuses on having a good time talking to a woman.

Coming from a background where I've faced a lot of adversity, I don't think men who let the fear of rejection and failure inhibit them to the extend that they avoid the pursuit of what they want would actually make a good partner in life, because life is full of risks and rejections, and there will be times in a relationship where you have to take some risk to secure the well being of yourself, your partner or family. A person is liable to get rejected, or fail at any pursuit in life. A person can get rejected from a good job, or be rejected for a loan, or from a school they hoped to study at, or a program they hoped to participate in. A person can have a thesis rejected, a grant application rejected. A person can be rejected when attempting to rent, or even buy a house, and these days, people even get rejected from kindergartens and preschools in some areas.

I'm not saying you should tough up and go ask some random woman out even though you would be devastated if she said "no", I'm suggesting you change your views of approaching women, or maybe even people in general. If you enter into any social situation with the hope that you will be accepted at the top of your mind...if you approach a person thinking "I hope they accept me!" you are setting yourself up for some rough let downs. If you approach the person thinking "Hey, someone to talk to! I'm going to go say hi and maybe we can have some fun together!" then you are creating a much more casual situation for yourself, because you are not there to be accepted, you are there to have fun with someone, even if it's just a short, enjoyable conversation.

You have to have some nerves about you in life to pursue that which you want, or you will miss out on things you wanted and could have had.

And for the record, even though it's not as socially acceptable, and I have some reservations about it for reasons other than fears of rejection, I've approached more men than men have approached me, and I've been rejected by all of them. It doesn't bother me much as long as they are civil about it, because the way I see it is, if he's not interested in me, we are not compatible, and so I'm not interested in him.



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Jul 2016, 12:49 am

Why you people are assuming that asking out happens with the cold approach?
I don't think this ever happens - cold approach is usually for breaking ice; and getting contact.



Chronos
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13 Jul 2016, 12:54 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why you people are assuming that asking out happens with the cold approach?
I don't think this ever happens - cold approach is usually for breaking ice; and getting contact.


Because the first thing you said in your first post on this thread was "Boycott the cold approach" and that is what I was replying to.



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Jul 2016, 1:14 am

Chronos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why you people are assuming that asking out happens with the cold approach?
I don't think this ever happens - cold approach is usually for breaking ice; and getting contact.


Because the first thing you said in your first post on this thread was "Boycott the cold approach" and that is what I was replying to.


Yes, boycott the cold approach as boycott any kind of initiation of conversation with a stranger woman :P - asking out is not necessarily included.



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Jul 2016, 3:37 am

Translation: To the guy who is observing me silently: you can talk to me normally!

Image



Chronos
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13 Jul 2016, 3:47 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chronos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why you people are assuming that asking out happens with the cold approach?
I don't think this ever happens - cold approach is usually for breaking ice; and getting contact.


Because the first thing you said in your first post on this thread was "Boycott the cold approach" and that is what I was replying to.


Yes, boycott the cold approach as boycott any kind of initiation of conversation with a stranger woman :P - asking out is not necessarily included.


I don't see why women should occupy a special category as far as casual conversations should go. Though I'm not familiar with Lebanese culture.



Ichinin
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13 Jul 2016, 3:52 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
No, Inchinin, I grew up and started talking to girls when I was very young.

You are cherry-picking, and looking for something to criticize. There's better ways to spend one's time.


No, i was making a joke. Clearly lost as usual on these forums...


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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Jul 2016, 6:15 am

Chronos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chronos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why you people are assuming that asking out happens with the cold approach?
I don't think this ever happens - cold approach is usually for breaking ice; and getting contact.


Because the first thing you said in your first post on this thread was "Boycott the cold approach" and that is what I was replying to.


Yes, boycott the cold approach as boycott any kind of initiation of conversation with a stranger woman :P - asking out is not necessarily included.


I don't see why women should occupy a special category as far as casual conversations should go. Though I'm not familiar with Lebanese culture.


This is not a local thing only, it's everywhere, women do often assume that any guy (stranger) initiating conversation with them is trying to check on them, and not for simple socialization or friendship.



kraftiekortie
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13 Jul 2016, 7:04 am

Sorry, Ichinin...my bad!! !!



rdos
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13 Jul 2016, 12:00 pm

Chronos wrote:
There are two types of men when it comes to approaching women. Men who look at women and fear being rejected to them, and men who look at women and just have to go over and talk to them. These men have fundamentally different perceptions of the world. The first man focuses on the goal he might not obtain, and the second man focuses on having a good time talking to a woman.


I don't think that is accurate. I can have a good time talking to a woman provided she is as a friend, and nothing more. I have no fear of rejection in regards to friends or possible friends. I'd even say I have no fear of rejection from potential partners either, because I have a technique that has a very high success rate.

Chronos wrote:
Coming from a background where I've faced a lot of adversity, I don't think men who let the fear of rejection and failure inhibit them to the extend that they avoid the pursuit of what they want would actually make a good partner in life, because life is full of risks and rejections, and there will be times in a relationship where you have to take some risk to secure the well being of yourself, your partner or family. A person is liable to get rejected, or fail at any pursuit in life. A person can get rejected from a good job, or be rejected for a loan, or from a school they hoped to study at, or a program they hoped to participate in. A person can have a thesis rejected, a grant application rejected. A person can be rejected when attempting to rent, or even buy a house, and these days, people even get rejected from kindergartens and preschools in some areas.


Disagree. Romantic rejection cannot be compared to social rejection. Those are completely different things.

Chronos wrote:
I'm not saying you should tough up and go ask some random woman out even though you would be devastated if she said "no", I'm suggesting you change your views of approaching women, or maybe even people in general. If you enter into any social situation with the hope that you will be accepted at the top of your mind...if you approach a person thinking "I hope they accept me!" you are setting yourself up for some rough let downs. If you approach the person thinking "Hey, someone to talk to! I'm going to go say hi and maybe we can have some fun together!" then you are creating a much more casual situation for yourself, because you are not there to be accepted, you are there to have fun with someone, even if it's just a short, enjoyable conversation.


Won't work for people that have trouble approaching and talking to potential partners. It is not the same thing as being shy with strangers.



rdos
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13 Jul 2016, 12:10 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Translation: To the guy who is observing me silently: you can talk to me normally!


She just can't handle it properly if she want to talk instead of observe. Probable NT, so not interesting relationship material. :D

Besides, I once had a girl making sure we couldn't have a conversation, rather forced us to use indirect game-playing communication and observation only.



hurtloam
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13 Jul 2016, 12:44 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why you people are assuming that asking out happens with the cold approach?
I don't think this ever happens - cold approach is usually for breaking ice; and getting contact.


When you say "asking out" what do you mean. I had a guy come up to me when I was walking back to my car after a gig and we had a chat (mostly him telling me about his travels) and then he asked if I wanted to go for a drink... I said no, it was dark and he was a bit weird.



kraftiekortie
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13 Jul 2016, 1:39 pm

You must be some kind of musician, Hurtloam!

Think of it this way: I can't play an instrument.



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14 Jul 2016, 8:27 am

I would cold approach men...


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The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Jul 2016, 8:37 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why you people are assuming that asking out happens with the cold approach?
I don't think this ever happens - cold approach is usually for breaking ice; and getting contact.


When you say "asking out" what do you mean. I had a guy come up to me when I was walking back to my car after a gig and we had a chat (mostly him telling me about his travels) and then he asked if I wanted to go for a drink... I said no, it was dark and he was a bit weird.


Asking out means.... asking out.