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Jamesy
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14 Jul 2016, 12:55 pm

In school/college as a teenager when hanging out with my peers I felt like I could blend in much more easily..... Now as a 26 year old man I stand out much more as being different amongst my friends and on occasions my aspergers has caused me a lot of misunderstandings and also brought up when going out socially.

Why do you think it's harder to blend in as you reach adulthood?



kraftiekortie
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15 Jul 2016, 6:52 pm

If an adult places his/herself in wrong milieus, the adult will not fit in.

I'll never fit in within a bar sort of situation--so I don't go into bars. Instead, I go see movies.

You might not fit in within a video game-playing milieu; the solution is not to enter into that milieu in the first place.

As an adult, you have the right to do things for your pleasure, as long as you don't harm anybody else in the process.



SharonB
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16 Jul 2019, 6:56 pm

Perhaps before you found folks more like you (or otherwise inclusive) - school size small or large? And now you can't find folks in your current community? I was without friends in my new hometown until -ironically- a life hardship brought me into contact with LOTS of people (multiple support groups) and I found those folks that I "clicked" with. So in part might you need a larger sample size?



shortfatbalduglyman
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16 Jul 2019, 7:28 pm

Masking fatigue

The straw that broke the camel's back

The last straw

The older you get the more, time has elapsed since your most recent friend

This is especially the case, for unemployed autistics



Summer_Twilight
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17 Jul 2019, 7:18 am

I have always been an outsider though I seem to fit in for a while but then people catch on and then I am left out. Like what Kraftie said, I don't go to bars that often, I go to movies. I also like to going to things like museums and walking around parks.



shortfatbalduglyman
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17 Jul 2019, 12:46 pm

Never could fit in before



Mountain Goat
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17 Jul 2019, 1:10 pm

I found in school and collage I found I was always different. Fitting in wasn't an option but being different was easy, so the only aay I could fit in was by being somewhat different, and where I had to "Fit in", I was most excellent in masking. This really came into its own during collage where I was masking all the time. However when the masking was discovered, that was when I had the whole class pick on me. I was absolutely petrified.
The events really effected me, for many, many years, where when I went into town, I was on very high alert. I would think (And I still have issues like this) that everyone could suddenly switch and suddenly try to take me on... I would try not to be anywhere that I aas not next to an escape route of some kind, so if the building I wanted to go in was crowded, I would not go in, or I would stand or sit by the door and boy, I was ready to run for it if the time came.
The problem with being on high alert is that it is tiring, and also takes a long time to wind down afterwards, as ones mind stays on high alert for most of the day. This means that I often found it difficult to get enough sleep.
I often don't even notice that I am on high alert mode. For example, about five or so years ago, my then dentist asked me why I grind my teeth. I realized that I found myself often waking up doing it at night.