ASD Stepson Makes Me Uncomfortable
20 Jul 2016, 11:50 pm
[quote="Aristophanes" I think it's the location and not the act. quote]
From what the OP wrote, Aristophanes' observation appears the core of this to me also. The issue here is not about the fact that teenage boys masturbate, goodness me - teenage boys and masturbation go together like fish and water! Although expressed in different words, what I think the OP is concerned about is a BOUNDARY issue for the OP, arising from the violation of the boundary of the personal space she shares with the boy's Dad.
Boundaries are an important learning curve, particularly during the years from childhood to young adulthood. Perhaps the dialogue here could more helpfully focus on this perspective. I think many young AS men might find it harder at this age to perceive what appropriate boundaries are, and there are books which address this, so it may be that finding one and buying it for him could be a very constructive thing to do, if done in a way that is not recriminatory.
21 Jul 2016, 12:04 am
Should this be reported? Is there a rule against posting someone else's real name? Especially if its telling the internet that they did something that is often socially shamed? He's 18, but he's still in highschool. What if another student is on these boards and puts it together that its him?
Doesn't this fall under wrongplanet's definition of bullying?
Any thoughts? I suppose I could report it anyways and let the moderators work it out. Personally, I really wish this whole thread would go away. I know people have sexual hang-ups, and that its not uncommon for some people to think that sex is dirty or bad, but I don't really want to hear so much about it.
No she obviously used psyodiums (sorry, I don't know the word) so hence the reason why the names were in quotes.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
21 Jul 2016, 12:09 am
But no, this does not hurt me, gross me out, or provide me with a creepy feeling. I don't think sex is dirty or immoral. I understand enough about science to know that after my sheets are cleaned, I do not have to worry about STD's. In fact, everything except Hepatitis C will die quickly after the body fluid dries whether you wash it or not. Sex is private, and in my opinion best experienced between people who love one another, but there is nothing bad about it.
I vaguely remember being grossed out about sex when I was a kid. But I let go of those feelings as I grew up and recognized how normal and natural sex is.
I didn't even know what sex was until I was 12 and I found it disgusting up until the age of 18. I still find other parts of it gross and don't even want to hear or know about it or even read about it and I won't do them either.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
21 Jul 2016, 12:12 am
That's not the same as what we know happened at all. He masturbated in a bedroom or bathroom that didn't belong to him, but was part of his house. That's it. There's no reason to assume his thought process went any further than "here's an empty room, no one's around..." All this stuff about panties and being attracted to his stepmom is coming from peoples' imaginations, and is very likely influenced by the OP's highly offensive statement that she's creeped out. She doesn't sound like she needs any help thinking up horrible stuff about this kid, so I don't know why you guys are feeding her paranoia.
While I agree that he probably was more thinking empty room and not about his step mother, I am not so sure it should be seen as so offensive the O.P said she was creeped out. I mean can she really help it the thought of masturbating going on in there creeped her out? I don't think she was trying to infer autistic people are creepy by default I assume she'd probably have been just as creeped out if the kid was NT. I think she probably posted in an attempt to feel less creeped out about the incident.
I agree with you, Sweetleaf, that she probably posted in an attempt to feel less creeped out and, honestly, I would feel creeped out if somebody (NT or not) was masturbating in my bedroom too. However, the title of the topic is :"ASD Stepson Makes Me Uncomfortable", not: "I Feel Bad For Feeling Creeped Out by My ASD Stepson", or even "Situation with ASD Stepson Makes Me Feel Uncomfortable." The title puts him in the active role of causing her to feel discomfort, it is 'him' doing it, not his actions. So, we see from the title that it goes a bit deeper than just the masturbating incident, otherwise it would have been worded differently. The title suggests that she is creeped out by his whole being. So, I see why other posters feel offended.
I thought she put ASD so we would all know he has an ASD. If she had just put "My stepson makes me uncomfortable" we would have all wondered if her kid is NT or not or on the spectrum or what.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
21 Jul 2016, 12:55 am
OP, have you come across the very respected work of psychologist Tony Attwood? He specialises in Aspergers Syndrome and has produced many informative books, videos, articles and is an internationally respected person in the field. Many of us on WP really like his empathy for AS people as well as the insightful nature of his work.
He will have addressed exactly the concerns and confusions that brought you here, so perhaps have a look at his work:
(this is an introductory link)
http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/
androbot01
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Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 53
Gender: Female
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Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
21 Jul 2016, 4:48 am
I also think that he probably has a crush on you, OP.
Definitely awkward.
That is quite an assumption to make...I am sure the kid is embarrassed enough about getting caught in the act, without having it assumed he has some inappropriate lusting for his step mother. I mean if it was the bedroom in their bed then I could see the suspicion being a bit more reasonable but from the sound of it he did it in the bathroom which is attached to the master bedroom. Maybe it was the furthest bathroom away from his parents at that moment.
Really?
So he is an 18-year old (an adult) and I believe the above quote should be interpreted as that he was in both the bed and the bathroom.
An 18-year old being interested in his stepmom is not that odd.
He definitely crossed a boundary. I can't see how the relationship can ever stop being awkward after an incident like this.
Yes really, we are talking about a teenage male with aspergers things that are 'obvious' to a lot of people, people with aspergers can be a bit oblivious to or unaware of.
I know, I'm autistic.
I'm not sure why you would assume this. The OP only posted a couple of times and the quote above does not indicate bathroom over bed, so I'm not sure why you've concluded this.
I thought the same thing when I read what you wrote:
Going by what the OP said and not what posters have presumed, either of our hypotheses are possible. It is possible that the stepson deliberately went to the bedroom because it is his stepmom's.
02 Aug 2016, 12:06 am
I'm sure I would feel uncomfortable as well. However, I think every single 18 yr old boy masterbates. I find it funny that he admitted what he was doing. I guess that's the aspergers in him. My son is brutally honest, as well. He's only 7 though. We haven't gotten to this stage yet.
_________________
Mother of a 7 year old Autistic boy, or Aspergers. Though I've been told that is an old term, now. Learning everyday how to parent better.
14 Dec 2022, 2:19 am
I’m Glad someone else posted this I have a stepson as well who is nonverbal and special needs.. and he does the same thing as soon as his dad steps out of the room he looks at me and goes to work I HATE IT ! ! I refuse to kiss my husband in front of him .. I feel if he knows how to do this then he should be able to feed his self go to the restroom by his self .. This is a horrible feeling for a women to have .. I don’t like being around him anymore alone .. I don’t care I freak hate it and I told his father he was excited as if his son lost his virginity.. I have since pulled away from my husband also .. maybe this isn’t for me it’s too much
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