Can I learn to make real life friends?

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Starfoxx
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20 Jul 2016, 12:57 pm

I'm capable of communicating well at work. I'm not a homebody and I go out my house and do things every day but I still don't know how to make friends. How can I learn?



EzraS
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21 Jul 2016, 4:17 am

I'd say to start off with Googling how to make friends. There are probably some good YouTube videos on it too. And not just making friends, but trying to understand what gets in your way and learn to work around that.



HighLlama
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21 Jul 2016, 4:56 am

Go out and do things you like which involve a number of people you're comfortable with. I've made friends I see through a walking group.


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auntblabby
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21 Jul 2016, 5:08 am

Starfoxx wrote:
I'm capable of communicating well at work. I'm not a homebody and I go out my house and do things every day but I still don't know how to make friends. How can I learn?

try to find somebody similar to you and be their friend. if they seem receptive at all, volunteer to do things with this person, smile with your eyes when you see this person. proffering a brother aspie your friendship is an act of will.



Starfoxx
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21 Jul 2016, 5:32 am

HighLlama wrote:
Go out and do things you like which involve a number of people you're comfortable with. I've made friends I see through a walking group.

Hmm I've done things like that many times. I've joined lots of groups before and volunteering projects but have never made friends.



auntblabby
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21 Jul 2016, 5:35 am

Starfoxx wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
Go out and do things you like which involve a number of people you're comfortable with. I've made friends I see through a walking group.

Hmm I've done things like that many times. I've joined lots of groups before and volunteering projects but have never made friends.

how many people have you found that you share common interests with besides your volunteering project [such as a major enthusiasm for some kind of entertainment or sport or what have you]?



Starfoxx
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21 Jul 2016, 6:02 am

auntblabby wrote:
Starfoxx wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
Go out and do things you like which involve a number of people you're comfortable with. I've made friends I see through a walking group.

Hmm I've done things like that many times. I've joined lots of groups before and volunteering projects but have never made friends.

how many people have you found that you share common interests with besides your volunteering project [such as a major enthusiasm for some kind of entertainment or sport or what have you]?

Hmm not many in person actually. I used to be in a writing group with college for a while and I started to make friends in that till it got cancelled. As for my other interests I don't know anyone in person who likes the same things



auntblabby
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21 Jul 2016, 6:10 am

Starfoxx wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
Starfoxx wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
Go out and do things you like which involve a number of people you're comfortable with. I've made friends I see through a walking group.

Hmm I've done things like that many times. I've joined lots of groups before and volunteering projects but have never made friends.

how many people have you found that you share common interests with besides your volunteering project [such as a major enthusiasm for some kind of entertainment or sport or what have you]?

Hmm not many in person actually. I used to be in a writing group with college for a while and I started to make friends in that till it got cancelled. As for my other interests I don't know anyone in person who likes the same things

have you tried to find WPers that live within driving distance of you? any local writing groups in your town?



Starfoxx
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21 Jul 2016, 6:29 am

I don't know anyone from this site near me but there probably are. I couldn't meet anyone from here though like that cos it's risky as and I wouldn't know what to talk about. I don't like to tell people things about myself irl and it's not good for them to know too much. Not that I know of, I've tried to ask at the libraries near me if there are anything like book groups but there aren't.



somanyspoons
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21 Jul 2016, 6:49 am

Starfoxx wrote:
I don't know anyone from this site near me but there probably are. I couldn't meet anyone from here though like that cos it's risky as and I wouldn't know what to talk about. I don't like to tell people things about myself irl and it's not good for them to know too much. Not that I know of, I've tried to ask at the libraries near me if there are anything like book groups but there aren't.


Try meetup.com if book groups are your thing. I had to try several groups that were kinda ruff, but eventually, I found one that I like. But I also started a group that did hiking because I wanted to do that. Right now, my book group is going through an exclusive list of sci fi award winners. Its possible that every memeber has aspergers. ;)



Starfoxx
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21 Jul 2016, 7:04 am

somanyspoons wrote:
Starfoxx wrote:
I don't know anyone from this site near me but there probably are. I couldn't meet anyone from here though like that cos it's risky as and I wouldn't know what to talk about. I don't like to tell people things about myself irl and it's not good for them to know too much. Not that I know of, I've tried to ask at the libraries near me if there are anything like book groups but there aren't.


Try meetup.com if book groups are your thing. I had to try several groups that were kinda ruff, but eventually, I found one that I like. But I also started a group that did hiking because I wanted to do that. Right now, my book group is going through an exclusive list of sci fi award winners. Its possible that every memeber has aspergers. ;)


Okay I will take a look at that



auntblabby
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22 Jul 2016, 2:41 am

meetup.com is how I found my square pegs aspie meetup group :alien:



kaspermedmusen
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22 Jul 2016, 3:14 am

The important thing is you need to find the right person(s) to become friends with. Someone you come along with, have fun with and can talk about difficult stuff with.

I have of course had some long-term friendships. I have been friends with two aspies (did not work out too well), another person who was normal but a little bullied by the older piers and a guy from school who was VERY special. But we lost contact as he moved to another city to study engineering while I am left here not studying at university at the moment. All I did was taking a math coarse but I jumped off because I was unhealthy.

Then I met this woman (8 years older than me) from the affective treatment group and we simply just clicked. I can't believe we clicked. She is the most severe case of ADHD I have ever seen, also she has Bipolar 1 and gets injections for mood disturbances. She is by far the most intense person I have ever met and actually she is labeled the most intense woman in my city.

But we really clicked and meet sometimes still in the city and a few times she has visited me. She is good-looking too and all guys are like bees around her but she has told me she enjoys being with me more than the sex-seeking men. Because of her intensity we often only meet for a few hours before she has to leave for something/someone else.

The right person for you might not be a person with Asperger's but it could be anyone. In the psychiatric treatment groups I meet several persons whom are easy to engage with. They are even prone to tell me their life story because they understand I have a tough one too.

So ask your doctor to get group therapy for some of your problems and you will certainly find someone there to become friends with!



kaspermedmusen
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22 Jul 2016, 3:16 am

As you have a job and family and work pretty well my idea is maybe not the best. But there are people out there waiting to be friends with you!