Advice needed for a NT

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There is a fellow who clearly has AS, although I don't know if he knows it, that has caught my attention, and mine his. Our time together is AMAZING because it is very connected after 6 months of investing in progress. Literally, 6 months into it and he can now sit next to me. Conversation isn't an issue at all and never has been. I attribute this to having a father who was AS and I feel comfortable with the cadence of the communication. I learned from the time I was a little girl to be fact based and not emotional.

I would like the relationship to be physical but I truly don't know if that is in the cards. If I touch his arm or his back, he doesn't flinch but he seriously never, never tries to initiate touching me. I am also older, by 16 years, than him, although that doesn't seem to make a difference with anything else in the relationship. I am a very smart, loving, and fun woman and he sees all that. He definitely wants to spend time with me.

I guess what I am struggling is to figure out is if the lack of physical contact is because I am 16 years older or the AS. A final complexity is that I have been in a failing relationship (not marriage) with someone for over 20 years and I would leave him for this AS fellow if not for his (my 20+ year relationship) very bad health situation. His doctor says he could have a heart attack or stroke at any time. I don't want to be cruel.

The other relationship could also be preventing physical advancement, too. I have told my AS fellow 100% the truth about what is going on with the bad situation with my current relationship.

Any advice?

Is he aware that you think of the relationship as romantic in nature and does he think the same? Or does he think of you as just a good friend?

Did you tell him you want to get psychical or romantic? Hints are often not picked up by "aspies"

Clarity. All the crystal clarity you could possibly muster. He may or may not feel the same about you, but unless you make it clear that it's an option, he won't risk such a valuable friendship by suggesting a physical relationship. I also don't think he'd undermine the loyalty implied by your 20 year relationship with the man whose health is failing (out of respect for you). I wish I could help more,. but I'll also say that the being okay with touching is a good sign.

Best of luck!

As others have said, clarity is important, both you being very clear in what you say or ask about, and also you asking for clarity and verification from him too. On the spectrum it's a very common trait to just not pick up on both verbal hints or unspoken ones, and also to omit to convey fully something even though the person may be essentially articulate. On the other hand, just like any neurotypical person without an ASD, he also may simply view it as nothing more than friendship, and it's not aspie traits that are holding him back, just friendly feeling only.

Only he knows if he feels more than friendship for you, and only you can find out by perhaps raising the issue gently and asking him outright if there is any chance of more than a friendship.

Unless everybody concerned is fine with poly, I think it might be healthier to leave your existing partner before getting so strongly emotionally involved with another man, but it looks like that advice is too late. As for the new guy - the Aspie - if you want to know how he feels and what he'd like, just ask him.