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Jute
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24 Sep 2016, 8:42 am

Biscuitman wrote:
Anyone else feel they are just wasting their years away?

I have spent the past 15 years hiding away indoors obsessively reading books. Every now and again I daydream about having adventures - cycling LE to JOG, walking up Ben Nevin, canoeing and camping out, Inter railing, running across the width of the country etc and I fear I will live to regret just hiding myself away.


My advice would be don't think about having adventures, don't daydream about them, don't post about them on forums and don't sit in your room regretting never having them, do something about them. Choose the simplest one to achieve first, get out of your room, then go and do it. As an old proverb goes "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Take that first step.


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Autism Social Forum

I am no longer active on this forum, I've quit.


Spiderpig
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24 Sep 2016, 9:02 am

I've wasted most of mine so far. I've made several attempts to stop the waste and always failed. I've spent much too many years this lazy and cowardly way. I can no longer tell when I'm only making a half-assed attempt and when I'm truly overpowered by the whole mess I've let my life sink into. I decided to use this weekend to get my next attempt started, and now I don't feel with the energy to do it.


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auntblabby
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24 Sep 2016, 9:13 am

for some reason, the only time I can make a dent in my pig sty hoard is at 0-dark-thirty just before daybreak, after staying awake all night long. no matter I am ineffectual at finding gainful employment.



Greenleaf
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24 Sep 2016, 9:28 am

Volunteer work sometimes has less of the interview gauntlet problem, and you can make a difference in some way. Sometimes more than paid work does (except for your budget, which is a really valid need of course.)

Also it helps on resumes and can help one learn stuff and build skills. Be sure the people are nice, caring folks, at least some of them.

There are so many needs out there, even if it doesn't lead to paid work, if you love animals, nature, maybe tutor a single kid on math or something. Many tasks won't require much social interaction, as long as you are willing to start with whatever they need done.



Alphawolf
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24 Sep 2016, 9:39 am

It is always difficult to forge a new path. As an autistic individual I had gotten so used to failure I was comfortable with it. Every new failure reaffirmed the message that I was a retard that would never amount to anything. I got the same I'm useless message from every authority figure, peer and most family members all my life. Soon in my own mind just the idea of me fighting to get a job or go to college seemed laughable. I was VERY afraid of going to college because; if I failed it would affirm the unerring correctness of everyone who said I was a useless watse.

I could easily say the road to success starts with the first step and it does but being autistic and overcoming built in barriers to success are much more complex than that. I'm autistic and what really sapped my strength to try was internalized fear and self hate. All those years of NT authority figures and peers not liking me taught me to hate myself due to my autism rlated issues. I would try to do something constructive and productive only to have nagging voices tell me my efforts were doomed before they began.

When I finally did break out of my self imposed cage of autism inspired fear, self hate and doubt their were thousands of GOOD reasons why I would still fail. I had to do something painfully illigical for which logically the my failed outcome was a foregone conclusion yet I continued. I had to push forward into the unknown. I have to find within me the strength to truly go against all the conventional lNT logica that said I was born to fail. Autistic people who fail to try or try weakly have made gods of those NT's who doubt them. I know because; the biggest thing stopping me from achieving success was the often heard NT pronouncements that I was stupid, retarded, defective and born to fail.

I had to blast out of the prison of self doubt, self hate and paralyzing fear that had gripped me before I could honestly try to build a successful life for myself. In some cases autistic people have been so convinced that they are worthless and hopeless in the face of real life job and social challenges that they willingly believe and accept that they do not DESERVE the successful life they struggle for and dream about. There are many and varied ways to sabotage a successful life but they all begin in your own heart.

As autistic people we all live outside the box and NT's are mainly blinded to any resources we have that exist outside the box. I realized that 97% of my life resources lay outside the small narrow minded box that comprise the neurologically typical persons world. How can NT's who see only 3% of my true resources assume they can foretell my future success or lack thereof. That is like suggesting a person can tell what you look like by seeeing your pinky finger alone. You as autistic people are so much more than the average NT has the capacity to see. So little of what makes us autistic is visable and understandable to NT's why should you accept the inaccurate self serving labels of failure they attempt to saddle you with.

To succeed I realized I had to fully embrace that 97% of my autistic resources that exist outside the realm of neurotypical sight, thought and understanding. Not until I learned to fully embrace and love with out reservation my whole autistic self did I most effectively use my full resources to build my successful life. I went from living in a ratty section 8 apartment on SSI and SSDI to living in a luxury condo earning over 6 figures a year. It all started with me learning how to reject what fools assumed as I built on my own home grown autism inspired resources. Oh yeah I am different. At work, in social situations and everywhere else my autism marks me clearly as different. Even as a success some NT's are very afraid of me, some don't know me \ don't like me and others who came to know me love me. I reached success by blazing my own path while making no appologies to those naysayers who said I was doing it all wrong. So long as I don't hurt others I do things the way that works for me and if that scares or upsets the NT's tough! My life does not exist within the narrow physical and social confines of the NT treadmill.



SaveFerris
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24 Sep 2016, 9:51 am

Biscuitman wrote:
Anyone else feel they are just wasting their years away?

I have spent the past 15 years hiding away indoors obsessively reading books. Every now and again I daydream about having adventures - cycling LE to JOG, walking up Ben Nevin, canoeing and camping out, Inter railing, running across the width of the country etc and I fear I will live to regret just hiding myself away.


Sometimes I do but it's usually fleeting and caused by depression and low self esteem. I am recovering from a breakdown so hiding away indoors is perfect for me. I haven't been diagnosed yet but if I do have ASD I know I will feel robbed and will ruminate on the numerous "If only's" and how my life could of been better if I knew my limitations early. I've had numerous breakdown's and all of them could of been prevented if I'd know my limitations instead of trying to fit in to society's so called "norm" box.


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Alphawolf
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24 Sep 2016, 10:11 am

I blew ten years of my life hiding and trust me I regret every minute of it. Maybe I needed to wonder ten years in an autistic wilderness of my own making but it sure feels wasted to me now. I had to learn to love my true autistic self and it was the hardest single task I faced in life.



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24 Sep 2016, 11:31 am

This also depends I believe on a difference in perception of the value of social norm.
I have a sibling who is as normal as I am a freak - born normal, hit every developmental milestone down to the nanosecond or before, athlete, debating captain, prefect in high school, popular and good looking, sexually straight and developed interest in boys appropriately, moved out at the right age, lost virginity at the acceptable age, got married at the right age, travelled at the right age, went to university and worked an acceptable job, then had kids and settled down in suburbia to raise a family at just the right age.
And I consider this a wasted life.
Because it's a cliche. It's not this person's life, it's the prescription of a life. There has been nothing outstanding in it. Just dull mundanity from cradle to grave, following the script, never deviating.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm a freak but I consider this hollow, even though I assume this person finds meaning in just following the crowd.
That probably sounds judgemental. But it's almost as if it's too perfect, it's not real and genuine and individual. It's like Stepford, I keep expecting to find a battery compartment.
I think many autistics get pressured into feeling like we're wasting our lives because we are not in many cases like the above. We're off script. And "different" is always derided as "wrong."
I feel like I'm wasting my life if I'm standing still, not getting out of the cave and experiencing life, living it. Which is what I'm doing right now and it drives me crazy. But living this textbook life would not make me feel fulfilled either.


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24 Sep 2016, 6:55 pm

I'm perfectly happy with wasting my life.


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auntblabby
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25 Sep 2016, 2:33 am

there are some folk who bust their buns for decades, in the pursuit of getting to the point where they could start wasting their life in earnest. I was one such. :|



Alphawolf
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25 Sep 2016, 2:55 am

When I grew up an autistic kid in the 1960's a chorus of people from doctors, teachers, professionals, peers and certain family members all agreed that I would grow up to be an abject failure. I was told constantly that due to the moderate to severe nature of my autism that mine would be a wasted life. From my earliest days I made it my life's goal to prove these ignorant MAGGOTS WRONG! I worked hard, everyday to overcome autism related issues that kept me from reaching success. It was slow going and took over 40 years for me to enter the successful phase of my life. A few of those who labeled me a waste had gone to their heavenly rewards BUT enough doubters remained to make my ultimate success sweet revenge. I did not dare fail because; had I done so it would have confirmed every negative stereotype so many had about autistic people in the 1960's. I had so many people tell me growing up, I was retarded, crazy and better off in an institution. I wanted to shut their damn mouth by being far more successful that any of my NT peers. I could not be just basically successful. I wanted to be so successful that my material and financial success exclipsed anything my detractor and peers had done. I managed to reach that goal. Today my success stands head and shoulders above the achievements of all those who mocked me as retard, crazy, loser and worse growing up.

Those in my youth who felt autistic people are retarded crazy and worse won't acknowledge my success today. Those who mocked me in childhood for being an autistic loser say nothing today. They stand mute choosing to look past my achievements but, their silence speaks volumes. I know by their mute testimony they know how wrong they were about me in particular and autistic people in general. When you just let go and waste your life you are enhancing the most negative stereotype NT's have about we who live on the spectrum and you do so to your utter shame. I know lots of people will hate me for this post but, I feel so strongly about this that I just don't care. If I am to damned and be kicked off this site better have it done for whatI passionately believe. I stand behind every word I wrote herein and always will no matter what the consequences. BRING IT ON!

Only by doing the best we can as an autistic people do we blow away the negative stereotypes that so many NT's still have in NT society. So many people have a "rainman" focus that pigeon holes autisticm people. Some people think autistic people are good only at a very limited group of jobs. So many autistic people find it so hard to be employed because employers won't give us a chance to work at jobs outside of the autistic stereotyped positions. I was steered toward a job as a mail clerk because; in the words of the trainer we autistic people were supposed to be good at this job. I was terrible at it absolutely horrible. However I was extremely good with computers the one training course they did not want to give me. It would be another 25 years before I would be given a chance to work with computers. When I finally got my chance to work with computers 25 years later my life took off. I became wildly successful and all those who doubted me looked like ripe fools.

I had to fight to enter the computer training classes and I was lucky my Ex-Marine rehab specialist saw my real skill was in computers and we ran with it. My Ex-Marine rehab specialist said let him deal with the issues of people thinking my autism should keep me out of computer training. He told me to focus only on bringing him back good grades. I kept a 4.0 GPA in college so you can't do better than that. LOL! I went to job internships, did extremely well and blew my detractors away. Today when I go out and do things people often say I did not know autistic people could do half the things I do. I hope my efforts make it easier for autistic folk to get jobs outside the stereotyped few. The idea of wasted autistic life hurts my heart deeply. We should all be living lives full as our unique potential allows. Like I say if this posting is marked as wrong, I just don't care it is what I really think!! !!



Eclipse247
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25 Sep 2016, 8:01 am

Alphawolf wrote:
It is always difficult to forge a new path. As an autistic individual I had gotten so used to failure I was comfortable with it. Every new failure reaffirmed the message that I was a retard that would never amount to anything. I got the same I'm useless message from every authority figure, peer and most family members all my life. Soon in my own mind just the idea of me fighting to get a job or go to college seemed laughable. I was VERY afraid of going to college because; if I failed it would affirm the unerring correctness of everyone who said I was a useless watse.

I could easily say the road to success starts with the first step and it does but being autistic and overcoming built in barriers to success are much more complex than that. I'm autistic and what really sapped my strength to try was internalized fear and self hate. All those years of NT authority figures and peers not liking me taught me to hate myself due to my autism rlated issues. I would try to do something constructive and productive only to have nagging voices tell me my efforts were doomed before they began.

When I finally did break out of my self imposed cage of autism inspired fear, self hate and doubt their were thousands of GOOD reasons why I would still fail. I had to do something painfully illigical for which logically the my failed outcome was a foregone conclusion yet I continued. I had to push forward into the unknown. I have to find within me the strength to truly go against all the conventional lNT logica that said I was born to fail. Autistic people who fail to try or try weakly have made gods of those NT's who doubt them. I know because; the biggest thing stopping me from achieving success was the often heard NT pronouncements that I was stupid, retarded, defective and born to fail.

I had to blast out of the prison of self doubt, self hate and paralyzing fear that had gripped me before I could honestly try to build a successful life for myself. In some cases autistic people have been so convinced that they are worthless and hopeless in the face of real life job and social challenges that they willingly believe and accept that they do not DESERVE the successful life they struggle for and dream about. There are many and varied ways to sabotage a successful life but they all begin in your own heart.

As autistic people we all live outside the box and NT's are mainly blinded to any resources we have that exist outside the box. I realized that 97% of my life resources lay outside the small narrow minded box that comprise the neurologically typical persons world. How can NT's who see only 3% of my true resources assume they can foretell my future success or lack thereof. That is like suggesting a person can tell what you look like by seeeing your pinky finger alone. You as autistic people are so much more than the average NT has the capacity to see. So little of what makes us autistic is visable and understandable to NT's why should you accept the inaccurate self serving labels of failure they attempt to saddle you with.

To succeed I realized I had to fully embrace that 97% of my autistic resources that exist outside the realm of neurotypical sight, thought and understanding. Not until I learned to fully embrace and love with out reservation my whole autistic self did I most effectively use my full resources to build my successful life. I went from living in a ratty section 8 apartment on SSI and SSDI to living in a luxury condo earning over 6 figures a year. It all started with me learning how to reject what fools assumed as I built on my own home grown autism inspired resources. Oh yeah I am different. At work, in social situations and everywhere else my autism marks me clearly as different. Even as a success some NT's are very afraid of me, some don't know me \ don't like me and others who came to know me love me. I reached success by blazing my own path while making no appologies to those naysayers who said I was doing it all wrong. So long as I don't hurt others I do things the way that works for me and if that scares or upsets the NT's tough! My life does not exist within the narrow physical and social confines of the NT treadmill.



What an inspiring message. This just shows what can happen when you embrace yourself and your autism and put it to work. Will you take the red pill or the blue pill?



Jensen
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25 Sep 2016, 8:18 am

Copied and on my wall as a reminder.
Thanks, Alphawolf :)


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Eclipse247
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25 Sep 2016, 8:55 am

Jensen wrote:
Copied and on my wall as a reminder.
Thanks, Alphawolf :)

That's a great idea. I'm going to do the same!
As an aside, here is a story of the last few minutes. Having read Alphawolf's piece I went to empty the drier. My mind was still contemplating the piece whilst an NT made inane conversation about food which distracted me because I had to think off a suitable response (apart from shut up) causing me to place the laundry incorrectly. The NT then sneered at my mistake leaving me feeling angry and deflated. The point is that as long as you get dragged into the NT world you are likely to loose out unless you are able to front run them in some way. This is where the hyper vigilance is needed which consumes a lot of fuel/energy leaving little for constructive purposes.
I have shown Alphawolf's piece to an NT and they picked it to pieces. Kinda says it all about some NT's imo.



Last edited by Eclipse247 on 25 Sep 2016, 11:36 am, edited 2 times in total.

SaveFerris
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25 Sep 2016, 9:01 am

Alphawolf wrote:
When I grew up an autistic kid in the 1960's ........ I just don't care it is what I really think!! ! !


This says more about your character than the hand you were dealt. Your are clearly a fighter and won't take no as an answer. I used to be a fighter but after each setback I faced it drained a little more of the fight out of me. A couple of months ago I felt like a tired beaten old man until my GF suggested that I might have ASD - The possibility of having ASD has rekindled the fight in me and although it may be too late for me to make something of my life it will definately put a new perspective on my failures which in turn might make life bearable again.


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KanyeWestFan
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25 Sep 2016, 5:42 pm

KanyeWestFan wrote:
I wasted 18 years of my life because I never realize my reality

I am about to be 19 and realizing everything like never kissing a girl or never having a real friendship really mess me up mentally but since I am still young I am determined not to waste my adult life from 20 years old all the way to 50 years old. I am going to try my best to make it count


I finally gotten over the fact I wasted like 50% of my young life but I am still struggling with the idea that I haven't kiss a girl yet because the normal kids my age had their first kiss wen they were like 12 and I am 19 so yeah but seeing me with great positive in that old post is starting to inspire me again lol