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zeldapsychology
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13 Aug 2016, 11:23 pm

My WP friend just got accepted full time teaching at her University GREAT! But that means even less time to do email! I constantly mention life drama sometimes 5+ emails a day now what? It could be DAYS in-between emails! Her busy grading work etc. New Full Time teaching gig!

And I still have my life drama! I'm a wreck! I can't barely go a DAY without hearing from her! Panic OMG! are you ok! and worry if I don't hear from her most of the day now it WILL BE DAYS!! ! I'm freaking out here!! !

Don't know what I'm going to do!! !! !!

I only have really 2 friends (both WP) her now SUPER BUSY with her Full Time job and a 2nd just stays home plays video games all day. :-(

Sort of wish I had more than these 2 friends! :-(


I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO! Not reaching her for DAYS! :-( I'm a wreck!



BirdInFlight
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13 Aug 2016, 11:33 pm

zelda, I hear what you're saying -- it can feel very distressing when someone you've come to rely on for emotional support cannot be as available as they once were for any reason. But you can get through that. I know you feel right now like it's going to be very upsetting, but I really believe you will be able to handle it better than you might feel like just right now.

Your friend will still be in touch, and even though it might have to be less than usual, try to think of it as quality rather than quantity. I won't lie and say it won't feel like a big adjustment to make, but I think you can do it, and you may even find that as long as you haven't lost your friend's support or time completely, the "reduced schedule" is something you discover you can cope with. I don't know you but I believe people have reserves of handling more than they at first think they can bear to handle. This has been true of myself and I've seen it in others too, so I feel that you too can get through this.

You also have the rest of WP to post too -- we all may not be as close a friend, but there's lots of support here from some kind people who will always try their best. I had a Haven post of my own recently and I was moved by the people who came to give their input. There's lots of support out here if you need to ask for it. :)


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If you have a problem with something I post, something I believe, something I do or say, something in my sig, or something I am stupid enough to share that I'm struggling with and being caused pain by -- TELL ME TO MY FACE so that I can defend myself, instead of see you make a mockery of or a dig about it later.

On the other hand, friends will never need an explanation, and enemies bent on disliking me will never accept one.

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zeldapsychology
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13 Aug 2016, 11:43 pm

BirdInFlight wrote:
zelda, I hear what you're saying -- it can feel very distressing when someone you've come to rely on for emotional support cannot be as available as they once were for any reason. But you can get through that. I know you feel right now like it's going to be very upsetting, but I really believe you will be able to handle it better than you might feel like just right now.

Your friend will still be in touch, and even though it might have to be less than usual, try to think of it as quality rather than quantity. I won't lie and say it won't feel like a big adjustment to make, but I think you can do it, and you may even find that as long as you haven't lost your friend's support or time completely, the "reduced schedule" is something you discover you can cope with. I don't know you but I believe people have reserves of handling more than they at first think they can bear to handle. This has been true of myself and I've seen it in others too, so I feel that you too can get through this.

You also have the rest of WP to post too -- we all may not be as close a friend, but there's lots of support here from some kind people who will always try their best. I had a Haven post of my own recently and I was moved by the people who came to give their input. There's lots of support out here if you need to ask for it. :)


Thank You. I try to exude confidence with self talk (my inner thoughts) mainly based off of strong fictional characters but focusing on that is a drain and I can only fake that for so long. :-(

Knowing her being real busy I guess don't assume the worst and know she's busy for a few days. :-( Just a huge adjustment when as you mention I'm used to getting her support (nearly daily). It's nice our time difference she's up late and by the time I wake up in FL she has replied over night making me feel better and ready to start my day. :-)

I just hope the drama doesn't mount or any health scares for me (I'm dealing with severe numbness for 7 months now) and am seeing a doctor in September for the issue. Not to mention getting upset with family (arguing or some form of drama.) Expecting a nice reply or help as you mention for emotional support when that support could be days. Answers such as "sorry I couldn't get back to you a lot of grading sorry *insert issue happen* (That has been days ago I've done cried and been depressed over it now! I needed you THEN THAT DAY AT LEAST! Not days later! :-(

Huge adjustment I guess and as you said I still have WP itself for help. Perhaps rely on here more I don't know. I wish I could just "support myself" but emotionally I'm very sensitive and unless I fake it I'm a complete wreck inside with life issues! :-(



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13 Aug 2016, 11:43 pm

I am still around if you ever want to talk. We used to be friends on here and we often talked and then we lost contact because you stopped coming on AIM and then you stopped visiting this forum for a while. But I am still around just to let you know.


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BirdInFlight
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14 Aug 2016, 12:01 am

That "support yourself emotionally" stuff -- everyone talks about things like that, and wants to get everyone to do that, but actually that's a very hard road to travel, and even the strongest-seeming person isn't usually doing it all alone. We do have our own reserves, more than we know, but at the same time, behind every person who appears to be perfectly managing to be this flawless example of strength and self-reliance, there is usually at least one person who enables and supports all that "strength" to grow and maintain in the first place, if not a whole truckload of people.

We all need something, someone, some form of emotional validation or support, some degree of knowing there's someone to lean on. Anyone who says they don't need to turn to anyone because they're strong all by themselves, well, that's usually not really the whole truth they're telling.

We all need to know someone somewhere in our lives is there for us, even in order to more effectively work on our "self support" in itself.

Don't feel bad about needing to turn to anyone, or feel like you should just have all this self supporting superpower all by yourself. Those people you notice seeming to be that way, they always got it from somewhere and not just the capability within themselves -- which we do have too. But it boosts it to get that outside love and care too.


_________________
~ ~ ~

If you have a problem with something I post, something I believe, something I do or say, something in my sig, or something I am stupid enough to share that I'm struggling with and being caused pain by -- TELL ME TO MY FACE so that I can defend myself, instead of see you make a mockery of or a dig about it later.

On the other hand, friends will never need an explanation, and enemies bent on disliking me will never accept one.

ASD Level 1, PTSD. Plus anxiety with panic attacks, mild sub-clinical situational depression -- and a massive case of sheer freakin' BURNOUT.

~ ~ ~


zeldapsychology
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14 Aug 2016, 12:12 am

BirdInFlight wrote:
That "support yourself emotionally" stuff -- everyone talks about things like that, and wants to get everyone to do that, but actually that's a very hard road to travel, and even the strongest-seeming person isn't usually doing it all alone. We do have our own reserves, more than we know, but at the same time, behind every person who appears to be perfectly managing to be this flawless example of strength and self-reliance, there is usually at least one person who enables and supports all that "strength" to grow and maintain in the first place, if not a whole truckload of people.

We all need something, someone, some form of emotional validation or support, some degree of knowing there's someone to lean on. Anyone who says they don't need to turn to anyone because they're strong all by themselves, well, that's usually not really the whole truth they're telling.

We all need to know someone somewhere in our lives is there for us, even in order to more effectively work on our "self support" in itself.

Don't feel bad about needing to turn to anyone, or feel like you should just have all this self supporting superpower all by yourself. Those people you notice seeming to be that way, they always got it from somewhere and not just the capability within themselves -- which we do have too. But it boosts it to get that outside love and care too.


Sadly the whole fiction genre is built on rough tough (girls/guys) who can handle life on there own mainly due to super powers it gives them HUGE confidence in dealing with people and life issues something Aspies (not all) and especially myself seem to lack at times. Those characters are fake for a reason and I know this but it's nice to envision yourself as them for a little while despite them being fake. But in turn that's you being fake which takes a drain on you. :-)

Thanks!! !!



BirdInFlight
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14 Aug 2016, 12:40 am

Fictional characters, especially ones with superpowers, can tend to present such an impressive display of some element that's the best or strongest a person can be, that it can make all of us real people out there sometimes feel pretty inadequate if we start to compare ourselves to that, lol! It's nice to aspire to the admirable qualities of our favorite characters, but it's also good to keep in mind that we are just human and it's very hard to "do it all alone" and handle everything in life perfectly well -- especially on the spectrum -- which can intensify things for some of us -- and that's normal, and human. Everyone has to try and sometimes people don't manage to cope 100% flawlessly -- certainly that's even harder all alone. The best we can do is to do the best we can do, but there's no shame in needing a little help.

And the fact that you've proactively reached out for help even by posting this thread, means your other WP friends and acquaintances are seeing this and can respond, as League Girl indeed has already. These changes to your other friendship look scary now, but I think you will find your way through to adjusting. Sometimes things look worse in prospect at the start, than they turn out to be as things go forward. :heart:


_________________
~ ~ ~

If you have a problem with something I post, something I believe, something I do or say, something in my sig, or something I am stupid enough to share that I'm struggling with and being caused pain by -- TELL ME TO MY FACE so that I can defend myself, instead of see you make a mockery of or a dig about it later.

On the other hand, friends will never need an explanation, and enemies bent on disliking me will never accept one.

ASD Level 1, PTSD. Plus anxiety with panic attacks, mild sub-clinical situational depression -- and a massive case of sheer freakin' BURNOUT.

~ ~ ~


aspieinaz
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14 Aug 2016, 4:44 am

I understand how having just one person who knows and cares about you can make all the difference in the world. Being a former teacher, I can tell you that teaching is not just a 9 to 5 job. I'm sure you know that many teachers take their work home with them like lesson planning and correcting papers. So your emails may get neglected for a bit. It's just the nature of the job. Meanwhile while you are waiting for a response from your teacher friend, you can write to us. You can PM me if you like. I also live in AZ :)


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