Help Me I'm Jewish!! ! (no, *really*.)

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Hi, I'm new; I've just posted a long intro in the intro thread, you might want to read that for more background on me.

I have this Big Issue. I'm wondering I might be the only one here with a similar problem, but maybe not.

I'm an Aspie (well duh).
I'm also an Orthodox Jew, and I have no intentions of quitting the lifestyle (or whatever it is, I think 'lifestyle' sounds stupid, but it's not just a religion) because it gives me stability in my life and I really like it!

So here are two things that both severely constrain my chances at marriage, and I can't get rid of either, and moreover I have no desire to. Now, I am told that the world is full of nerdy Jewish males, so this shouldn't be a problem. BUT WHERE ARE THEY?!?!

I have tried shidduchim, ie. arranged matches (well it's our way of getting married, we don't have long-term physical relationships without marriage) and they were disasters. Apparently, either the guy thinks I'm a freak, or I think he's a freak! Without exceptions.

So my questions are:
* where are those Jewish Aspie males? (My community has very few males my age to begin with, so it's no surprise I can't find any there, but there must be some on the internet! Where should I look? I try to convince myself I've made the first step by posting this here, but... that doesn't seem too much, does it.)
* how do I get them to talk to me after I've found them? I'm afraid I come across as "pushy" wherever I go.
* what should I do?! (yay for broad questions)

Even if you're not Jewish, you can give me ideas on how to come across as less pushy, or whether I indeed come across as pushy online (I know I do IRL, people are telling me that) especially if you're a guy! Or you can ask me about Judaism. I can rant about it for pages and pages. Judaism does not proselytize, so I won't do that either, but wherever I go there always seem to be people with Jewish-related questions they've never dared anyone to ask.... and they usually ask me. So go ahead, I've already been asked everything from making a Golem to human sacrifices. (No, we don't perform human sacrifices. But some people seriously believe this, and I've met some of them.)

In case you're a Jewish Aspie male (there is a probability of this happening, is there?)
- let's correspond, I'm not in a hurry to get married OMG TOMORROW (though it would be nice in the long term), and I'm also fine with making friends!
I'm not overly sectarian, but I want to have a kosher kitchen at home! I think my favorite denominations are Orthodox and Reform, because I think these are the most consistent. But any denomination is fine, secular is also 100% fine as long as you don't think all religious Jews are freaks (in my native country most Jews are like that... SIGH).

I have this mental image of a nice nerdy Jewish guy with whom I can play Nintendo, discuss the brain and assorted weirdness, and go to shul with. I'm interested in math and CS but I'm not extraordinarily knowledgeable about either, so if you're looking for someone who'll listen to your math and CS related rants, I'm all here. The same goes for Linux. (BTW in the summer when I'll finally have time, I want to ditch Windows entirely, I don't want to wait till Vista becomes mandatory. I've used Linux before - on my previous laptop I used Linux exclusively - but I've never tried to get rid of Windows completely. Are there nice Linux topics here? There are so many threads here, I get this feeling of missing out on whole heaps of stuff. Does this wear off eventually, or does this develop into a full-fledged addiction?)

I should stop now, ask away! Comment! Do stuff! I think this is my hugest problem in my life right now (I'm living in a heavily Jewish area, I'll leave in two months and no relationship in sight. My family told me if I won't be able to marry here, I won't be able to marry at all... and I guess they were right, and I find this *very* depressing) so if you can contribute even a teeny tiny bit to solving it, I'll be forever grateful!!

There is a nerdy jewish guy at my school, He is "NT". Rember aspies think like you, where not the NT that see you a pushy. Find out the stasitc for some one to be nerdy, find the statisic of jewish males. Add them to gather then the statistic of aspies, ad that to geather. Thats where they all are ;p.


If you manage to find one, just do what you would want done to you(Sounds Christian).

You should rent the apartment I'm moving out of. I live in a nice Jewish neighbourhood, mostly Orthodox. Me, I'm Irish Catholic, but I've lived in Jewish places so long that it feels like home. Well, it is. I'm moving a few blocks away.

So you could marry the guy on the 2nd floor. He's Orthodox and desperately seeking a mother for his children. I'm serious! But I don't know if he moved, I haven't seen him in a while.

This isn't far fetched, it's true. Would there be a similar situation where you are? Do you live in a city with a large Orthodox population?

My current boyfriend(4 years,yeah me),is Jewish and I met him on line looking for a "friend".I said I was interested in a Jewish guy.I am not Jewish but have a life long obsession with "Jewish looks"(hope that doesnt offend),I know all Jewish people look different,I just wanted one that looked like Spock or Dustin Hoffman with the humor of Larry David, Woody Allen.,Lenny Bruce.

His family is not in the least religious,he is a buddhist(of sorts).The reason I am blathering on about it is that I think he maybe AS.....He says that the traits that he has read about AS are true for many Jewish people.... Do you think there is any validity in this?If it is, it would seem that you had an edge with Jewish males.
He does have several male Jewish friends who are socially awkward or avoidant and have obsessive interests and some OCD traits.That may have more to do with "birds of a feather" then being Jewish.

I have no advice as to meeting someone.It was a complete fluck that I met him on-line.I think it did help that I stated exactly what I liked,who I was(good and bad)and that I was to old to change,so if they didnt like it,dont bother responding.

I wish you good luck.Nice nerdy Jewish guys...bliss.(although admittedly neurotic bliss)

and when you find your Nerdish Jewish Boy of your dreams, come and live by me! You seem just like a good friend and neighbor and I would just relish your friendship! Yes, I am Aspie and Yes, I like my space, but that is why we would be such good friends, 'cause we would give each other space.

Well, I have no doubt your 'shout out' will draw some attention, for there are many of the types of guys you seek, right here on WP.

Bon Chance!

Merle

I'm actually atheist, but my parents, brother, and the rest of my family are jewish

I renounced my faith in the idea of god years ago, because I am convinced, he does not really exist.

yooooooooo!! !! ! I love CS!! ! (CS, being conterstrike)

Nintendo rocks!!

I hate shul, though! I hated it ever since I was a child, so pointless. I'm athiest, no shul now.

Have you joined "Aspie Affection".....lots of lonly aspie guys here.Finding someone in your area that has the religious and cultural traits your looking for,dont know about that but it is worth a try.

Yay, lots of replies! Thank you all *bounce*

Gwkyou:

That's so reassuring to hear. I have this habit of saying 'I'm sorry' all the time, my friends say it gets on their nerves. But it's the only way that gets me through my daily interactions with NTs! (The most useful heuristic I've ever learned: slight smile, open your eyes WIDE, and say 'I'm sorry I really didn't mean to...'. It probably only works if you're a small female. Though it amuses me that I've heard people refer me to as "that girl with the huge eyes" when my eyes are rather normal-sized.) But you're right, when I'm among Aspies I don't have to.



Not that much - rabbi Hillel, one of the sages of old, said in response to a question (a guy wanted to learn Judaism FAST) that that was the whole Torah, the rest was just commentary. (He didn't add that we Jews have always been quite big on commentary, though )

Claradoon:

yes, I live in a city with a large Jewish population, and I live in a dorm full of Jews (though I'll move out in two months, sadly). I'm just horrible at getting to know people. 80

krex:



No, not at all. I don't look too Jewish, though. (What I don't like is when people ask, "Are you really really Jewish? You don't look the part!") But I also like Jewish looks



Hmm, I dunno. (Though looking at some of the rabbinical debates I'm inclined to say yes, LOL. There is a specific word that means "nitpicking debate on Jewish law", even! Well, originally it meant just a kind of Talmudic debate, but nowadays it is very often used in this way...)
Jewish culture does value being intellectual, and eccentricity is usually well-tolerated, and if one wants to be Orthodox one has to learn a huge amount of rules related to all aspects of life. So it does have traits that match Aspies well. (And rocking back and forth is normal! Though if you try it on Secular Jews, they will think "oh no, not another Charedi!") But I don't really think there are more Jewish Aspies. I know male Jewish Aspies IRL, but none of them are my age.

I think I'll also try Aspie Affection, thanks!

sinsboldly:



We could start an Aspergia intentional community! Move into a few blocks of flats, scare the neighborhood and send real estate prices in the area plunging. But I'm a really poor organizer

jkrane:

I was thinking of CS as in computer science, maybe my words should carry a disambiguation page like on Wikipedia! I'm horribly clumsy with FPSes because I can't really use the mouse well (I tend to use keyboard combinations most of the time when I'm using the computer for anything... I'm really uncoordinated). The last one I played through (and also played a lot in LAN multiplayer) was Duke Nukem 3D. But I'm now very curious about FPSes on the Wii, with this new control scheme (though I'm not too good with the Wiimote either!). I have a Wii, but it's back with my family, so I can't try right now (even though games are cheaper here, so I will probably stock up on games before I return to my native country).

Just between girls... There is a guy here from Florida...I think his nick has bio-hazard in it(or something similar that my brain just stored under "general bio-hazard stuff)anyway,you can find his picture on the picture thread...he is gorgious,I think but I dont think he is orthodox?He seems very sweet and I think looking for a relationship....if I was 15 years younger,single and lived in FLorida.....I would be in hot pursuit.Just a heads-up.(I hope saying this isn't against some social etiquette thing.)

RadiationHazard

thanks,that the guy.

So you won't quit the religion.. not because you don't believe in it.. but because it gives you stability? Pardon me while I fall off my chair in a fit of laughter. If I'm making an assumption here, forgive me.. but you've given no evidence that you actually BELIEVE any of it.

Perhaps I am misinterpriting your laughter but I dont see anything funny about someone enjoying structure and a sense of identity and community.I think that is why a lot of people come to WP.I think that there are a lot of people who may not have strong "religious" beliefs but still go to church for a sense of community.And I didnt hear her say she didnt have the beliefs(I believe she implied that she did)but that it wasnt the only reason she was involved in the Jewish community.

I'm married to a Jewish aspie man. Well, let me change that. I think he's an aspie, his mom says he's an aspie, he was a very very strange child, but he claims to be NT, although he agrees 100% that I'm an aspie. Anyway, sorry, no help. I met him in college, where I dated several really nerdy Jewish men (and I"m not Jewish. They just flocked to me for some reason.) My dh has 3 brothers, one of whom is very very aspie, although I'm not sure if he knows it. But they're Reform, and not likely to convert. We didn't even circumcize our 3 sons (oh the horror!) But we're also one of the more active families at our synagogue. Go figure.

Oh, and btw, most of the nerdy Jews I knew/know were from the Philadelphia area.

I just wanted to poke my head up and say that geeky jewish women are my ideal. Too bad i'm a catholic