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Tufted Titmouse
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11 Sep 2016, 9:40 pm

Ok, I'm friends with a girl I like (but I don't think she knows or realized). We used to hang out a lot together and chat on Facebook and do funny things. Recently, I contacted her again but she barely replies, and sometimes she doesn't even reply even though she reads my messages. She moved out so I can't see her in person right now.

Someone says when people do this it's because they're not interested and don't want to talk to you. I don't understand friends who suddenly stop talking to you or ignore you, especially when nothing happened like no fights or anything like that. It drives me insane. Why can't people be straightforward? Why can't they be like "hey I feel like our friendship changed and it's not going anywhere" or "I don't feel like talking". People say they don't do this cause they don't want to hurt feelings, but isn't it worse to just ignore someone? In my opinion, being ignored hurts more.

I don't understand why a friend would suddenly ignore you like you don't even exist anymore.

I feel frustrated. People say I get obsessed with women I like and might come across as creepy, but I never said anything creepy to her.



the_phoenix
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11 Sep 2016, 10:17 pm

There are many reasons why people don't want to be friends, and not all of them have to do with you. You say she's moved? Well, for some people, once they move, they drop their old friends and make new ones in the new place they live. And yeah, that kind of thing seems pretty shallow to me.

Or she doesn't like you the same way you like her, it's not mutual? That could be for any number of reasons. Who knows? Sometimes people's personalities just clash. The thing is, once a girl doesn't want to be contacted, it's time to move on.

You do say that "people" tell you that you come across as creepy? Maybe you could ask one of these friends what they mean, so you can change, improve your social skills for the better?

Here's hoping you'll meet someone better.



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Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Age: 27
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13 Sep 2016, 7:53 pm

I will try asking friends, but they are too biased and don't see anything wrong with me. I feel like they're either very biased and blind to facts or not fully honest.

Yes she's moved out, but I don't know her friends here so I can't ask them how she acts with them. We just had a short chat conversation. Maybe she doesn't like using chat that much anymore and prefers going out? Still, we can't meet now because she's far away.

I don't like this way of thinking but the stupid social norms make some girls (most, according to my experience) want guys to contact them or ask them out first. Not true for friends though. We're not dating so there would be no reason to be like that.

Unfortunately, I tend to get obsessed with girls I find attractive. It won't stop easily.



nurseangela
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13 Sep 2016, 8:08 pm

I don't understand people who do that either. I have had both Aspie and NT friends do it. For me, I think the Aspie friend coming out and telling me the truth hurt the worst. These days, if the friendship means anything to me, I just come out and ask them why they aren't talking to me anymore. If they don't answer that, then it's over.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Fanatic Heretic
Tufted Titmouse
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15 Sep 2016, 4:33 pm

nurseangela wrote:
I don't understand people who do that either. I have had both Aspie and NT friends do it. For me, I think the Aspie friend coming out and telling me the truth hurt the worst. These days, if the friendship means anything to me, I just come out and ask them why they aren't talking to me anymore. If they don't answer that, then it's over.


I don't know if it's an autism thing, but I'd rather be honest and straightforward than play games and just ignore people.
Sure, the truth can hurt, but being ignored and avoided without even knowing why is cruel and makes no sense and when someone does this, you can't really improve and fix things because you don't even know why they're doing this to you!

At least, if I tell a friend they're being annoying they have a chance to improve themselves and be better friends. If I just ignore them, I won't give them a chance.
I only ignore people who really bother me, not friends who did nothing so bad to deserve my complete indifference.

I find most NTs shallow.