Confrontation

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The reason I am bringing this up is that I recently had a confrontation with a work colleague and I clamped up and was practically unable to speak. When I did try to speak, I stuttered and didn't really know what to say.

How does one overcome this? Is it common among autistic people. I've always been like that. Was a big problem when I was young where I was bullied constantly due to not sticking up for myself and it makes me very easy manipulated now as I'm unable to stick up for myself.

I am VERY familiar with this.

Ive come to understand that I personally have a latent reaction to these situations.

In other words, i cant consciously respond immediately to it, but rather have it all figured out later.

I didn't "overcome" it. Since i am still the same to this day. But rather i learned to avoid acting upon it immediately in error. And making myself look a fool.

Being calm & diplomatic is often the best way to deal with confrontation. But if you're not afforded that opportunity, then a fleeing response is always going to be better than attempting to "fight" it.

Marie Dubuque has a good YouTube video on dealing with confrontation, however, I hesitate to post a link because her video deals with general situations, and you're talking about the workplace ... where you have to be more careful what you say. She does have some excellent tips in the video that could apply, but it really depends on the circumstances.

Without getting too detailed or personal, can you describe a little bit about what the confrontation was about? As in, did they ask you to take on a task that was unrealistic? Or was the person simply a bully?

I fear confrontation. I think it's due to self-esteem issues. When I am being confrontated, I have an urge to cry. I really can't help myself. The tears come before I can stop it, and when I go off to cry I feel better afterwards. It's so easy for everyone to say "oh just ignore it" but I really can't help being sensitive. It might be to do with my anxiety disorder.

I could try to explain how it feels. The confrontation was to do with a work issue. I'm a manager and something didn't go to well. As a manager, I have to take the brunt of the anger from upper management. I work in finance so things can get pretty hostile. Something didn't go too well and the company lost money. We had a meeting and there was a lot of raised voices etc which I took the brunt of. I couldn't let the team take it as technically it was my decision but it didn't go as planned. But I went into panic mode. I was sweating...my heart rate was very high...I felt faint...almost to tears...I didn't know what to say. I knew I had to say something but whenever I spoke, I stuttered like crazy. In the end, I just stood there panicking...said sorry...and walked out...

It can get pretty bad sometimes. This is a bad company to work for as they pretty much abuse their managers. Shouting at them....swearing at them etc. Then they visit the pub afterwards and they're like nothing ever happened...they're your best mate in the world..

I don't get it...why throw all that verbal abuse at someone and expect them to forget it when you're in the pub afterwards.

I've always been like that. When I was young, I used to bullied constantly and would just stand there taking it...which made it worse as I never fought back...too scared to...pretty much the same now...I'm terrified of confrontation. I'm also very nervous about saying No to people. I'm a walk over and a lot of people take advantage as they can somehow see it...

anyway...I'm rambling...back to Elite Dangerous

When dealing with upper management, it's always best to remain calm and professional ... the workplace is certainly not the place to get into a fight with a boss ... there are too many bosses that know this all too well, and who will abuse those working under them. And they will do this to both NTs as well as those with autism.

There are times when the right thing to do is stand up for yourself. Reading what you wrote, you were doing your best to take responsibility with integrity ... you treat your employees with respect, well done. Upper management could learn something from you. My humble opinion is that in this case, about the best you could do is simply relay the facts of the situation, about things not going as planned ... and then follow up with how you can remedy that and improve going forward in future.

Given what you describe, you are a decent person. What can help you is, I think, learning to deal with stress so that when your bosses gang up on you and start accusing you of things in a nasty way, that you can remember you are a valuable human being worthy of respect.

And you've given me an idea of which video to recommend for you. Here it is, below, I hope it helps:



And I also believe in the power of prayer, so I will pray for you and your situation, that things improve. Please know that you have my moral support.

For some reason, I always defer to my elders. It's working out OK now as I just take it quietly then go stew about it when they can't see me.

But when I get older. If I'm ever older than people doing this, it's not going to work. To me, age is the rank. This is why I have so far declined any kind of promotion into supervisory roles. I'm the youngest person there. I could never supervise older people.

If I'm ever older than the people doing this, I simply won't stand for it. I'll argue back, likely very angrily, and scare them away.