Question about the 'friendzone'

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25 Sep 2016, 12:01 pm

That's an extra assumption. I wasn't talking about the case when someone deceives the other person. And, even in that case, the evil lies in the deceit, not in wanting just sex.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Sep 2016, 12:10 pm

What's the story of the fluid dumpsters? What else dumpster is there?

Tim_Tex
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25 Sep 2016, 12:46 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

What's the story of the fluid dumpsters? What else dumpster is there?

Solid dumpsters. Very fitting, since I have more or less given up on relationships because of all the mierda del toro involved.

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Last edited by Tim_Tex on 25 Sep 2016, 12:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Peacesells
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25 Sep 2016, 12:50 pm

Spiderpig wrote:

That's an extra assumption. I wasn't talking about the case when someone deceives the other person. And, even in that case, the evil lies in the deceit, not in wanting just sex.

It is what she was talking about I guess, perhaps my comment was more on topic than yours.

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25 Sep 2016, 3:36 pm

You guess, but I'm going by what she said. She criticized harshly guys who want only sex, without specifying anything else, and I replied to that.

sly279
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25 Sep 2016, 3:57 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

sly279 wrote:

Isn't it funny boo, how most the people who have problem with the friend zone are female?

Even some women will say it exists and they themselves got friend zoned. It's usually attractive women who say it doesn't exist and they'll the ones most likely to do it.

What a bunch of stupid and inaccurate assumptions.

Says the super attractive woman.
It's not an assumption it's a observation
Most of the people I've seen say it doesn't exist are attractive women.

And I've also seen some women even here in friendZone threads say they felt friendzoned. I've only seen few guys say it isn't real.

I've made no assumptions, just because you disagree doesn't mean you can slander me and say I'm making assumptions.

Why are you so against it? Have guys claimed you've friend zoned them and so your upset about it?

The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Sep 2016, 4:24 pm

Quote:

"friend zone" is more a term used when you're pissed off that they only want to be friends. Friends is not a bad thing it all, it's a hell of a lot more respect than you'd get being someone's cum dumpster, they don't even talk to you unless they want to get laid.

You are confusing between the "Nice Guy Tm" and friendzone.

The "Nice Guy Tm" is the guy who does the reaction you are describing above.

Being in the friendzone simply refers to the case when the person you like will never see you more than just friends, basically due to the lack of sexual attraction toward you. Not always there's a piss off reaction to that.

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25 Sep 2016, 7:20 pm

Spiderpig wrote:

Sounds like the female equivalent of "only useful for whatever I euphemistically call 'friendship', whose one clear defining property is that it excludes sex". Men have as much of a right to be upset by it as you do to be upset for being considered "only useful for sex", and to decide women who put them in that category aren't worth their time, either. Especially considering you have to spend a lot more time when you need to approach potential partners than when you can just filter among those who approach you.

Are you saying someone's friendship is worse than being used for sex? Clearly they see you as a likeable person? Worth talking to?

Spiderpig wrote:

Neither is sex, or is it? Anything can be a bad thing if you don't want it, no matter how much those starved of it envy you and may feel insulted by how little you value it.

Yes, it is a bad thing to be only wanted for sex. "Friends" is slightly better than "a flesh light that isn't worth talking to".

Spiderpig wrote:

If you feel like his "cum dumpster", why are you having sex with him in the first place? I think it's supposed to be enjoyed by both parties.

I am not any more. I have ditched these people, like you should ditch someone your trying to date if you don't actually want to be friends with them.

Spiderpig wrote:

Anyway, unless you're raped, which is a different story, I don't think being a tear dumpster is much more respectful than being a cum dumpster.

Ditch them and move on. Stop trying and getting annoyed that they don't like you.

Spiderpig wrote:

They don't even talk to you unless there's something preventing them from enjoying the company of a guy they actually find attractive. Then they have better things to do than spend time with you; for example, having sex with said guy.

That doesn't make any sense.

Spiderpig wrote:

I suspect there's something more to your story than you've shared here, but the simple fact that a guy is only interested in sex with you doesn't make him evil. At most, it means you have no mutual interest in doing anything with him, so you should both move on. No need to hate each other.

There is more to the story. I am not sharing it on here. I never wanted a "f**k buddy", that sort of set up does nothing for me. I hate these people and for good reason. They aren't worth knowing.

Just like you should get rid of people who use you. If someone only wants to talk to you about how other guys hate her, then get rid of her.

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25 Sep 2016, 7:23 pm

sly279 wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

sly279 wrote:

What a bunch of stupid and inaccurate assumptions.

Guys have claimed I've "friend zoned" them, maybe once or twice. But the difference is I never gave them any indication whatsoever that I wanted to be any more than friends. I don't think it's fair to be labelled as a "friend zoner" for that.

Never made them pay for me or do stuff for me, liked to listen, not just talk. It's just rude to be called that for no reason.

There is one instance in which I "friend zoned" someone in my early 20's, and to be honest, I deserved to be cut off. Guys are not tissues.

I wouldn't call that "friend zoning" I would call it more being needy and expecting people to listen to you.

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25 Sep 2016, 7:35 pm

I have two questions:

Does a lamentation about being rejected by someone you really had your heart set on constitute entitlement/nice guy(tm) behavior?

Is there a non-creepy, non-pervy way to filter out potential partners who might not be sexually compatible with you?

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25 Sep 2016, 7:58 pm

Spiderpig wrote:

You guess, but I'm going by what she said. She criticized harshly guys who want only sex, without specifying anything else, and I replied to that.

When I said "I guess" I was not serious, it was pretty clear from her words that she was talking about that.

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26 Sep 2016, 8:17 am

I feel a little bit that some people let themselves be taken advantage of and friendzoned.

My friend just spent £100 on someones birthday who they hadn't met who is very flirty and has a partner. It's really crazy to me

kraftiekortie
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26 Sep 2016, 9:18 am

Sounds like he spent 100 Pounds on a Pipe Dream.

I've done this, too....I had a faint hope, and I went with it.

anagram
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26 Sep 2016, 9:39 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Are you saying someone's friendship is worse than being used for sex? Clearly they see you as a likeable person? Worth talking to?

some people just want easy attention and validation on demand. and if throwing you under the bus will give them more validation than your unconditional attention, they will do it

@op: if the girl really has made it clear that she has a boyfriend, then even if she encourages the guy's behavior, it's his problem. he can't complain of being deceived when he knows he's not playing by the rules. on the other hand, if she's not open with her boyfriend about it, then it's unfaithfulness, because she's essentially "cultivating a readily available competitor"

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26 Sep 2016, 9:42 am

I tend to think of the friendzone as when one person uses the other for emotional reasons then acts all shocked and claims 'only friends' when called up on it.

It's a fixed game, and all in favour of a certain sex.

Some of us aren't going to play anymore.

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26 Sep 2016, 10:59 am

anagram wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Are you saying someone's friendship is worse than being used for sex? Clearly they see you as a likeable person? Worth talking to?

Agree with all of it.

I tend to view most motives for sex as devaluing one or both partners. One merely exists for the momentary pleasure of the other. One is merely an object to be used, like a Kleenex when you blow your nose. I get it.

A problem you run into is that sex is often expected over the course of a relationship. So when a guy is genuinely interested in a woman as relationship material, it's a kick in the gut if she's been leading him on and suddenly hits him with "nonono...I think we just need to be friends." There's nothing wrong with friendship. But thst needs to be made abundantly clear from the outset. Our culture dictates the thing about sex in a LTR, so once again if you're never going there, it should be made clear from the outset.

There are ways of breaking down the friendzone. Simply figure out ways of occupying more of her time and BE PATIENT. If there really IS a friendzone, which I tend to doubt, it need not be a permanent institution.

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