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MaxwellS
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Joined: 18 Jun 2015
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Posts: 16
Location: Pennsylvania, USA

25 Sep 2016, 1:42 pm

I am a young adult. I suddenly have choices, and can make my own choices. However, this is scary. Making my own choices can indeed be very scary for me.

I live with my mother, and I am lucky to have her. She is an autistic support teacher, and so she has quite a bit understanding of autism, to say the least. I want to continue to live under her roof, and have her make decisions for me. I don't want to make my own choices. I want a say in the decisions made for me, but I am a dependent person by nature, and many decisions I leave up to mom. I don't have a job, as that involves making my own choices to some degree, and some degree of autonomy.

Its like I'm not ready to make my own choices. I don't feel competent enough to make these choices for myself. Its just too overwhelming to be independent.

Can anyone else relate? Is anyone else dependent on caregivers?


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Young adult, male
Openly autistic


Joe90
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Location: South-East England

25 Sep 2016, 2:04 pm

It's ok if you're not ready, and it's ok to have your mum there to guide you through things.

Maybe try to gradually learn how things are done as your mum does them, so that if one day when she's not around any more you will have an idea of how to do things for yourself. And with decision making, perhaps start to discuss things with your mum, and still have her support to help you through things, but maybe ask her some questions about what she thinks is best so that you won't be totally lost later on in life when she gets old.

I know it's a bit scary adjusting to adult life. My mum has always been there for me too, and she still is now, but she hasn't been well this year (cancer problems), so she's unable to do as much as she used to do for me. So now I've had to do things for myself, like make my own appointments, etc. It is rather scary, but to help me along I just had to tell myself that it must be more scary for my mum having cancer.


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Female
Aged 30
On antidepressants
Have ASD, ADHD and anxiety disorder
Empathy score: 61 out of a possible 80. (High)


JakeASD
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25 Sep 2016, 2:31 pm

Though I suspect I am at least 6 years your senior, I can certainly relate to your predicament. Without wanting to imply that a 'Peter Pan complex' is acceptable, I think it's advisable for you to go at your own pace. Even now, at 26, I still ask my parents for advice on certain things, and thankfully they are caring creatures by nature.


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"Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. " - Special Agent Dale Cooper, Twin Peaks


SteelMaiden
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25 Sep 2016, 8:24 pm

I am dependent on my parents and support workers for even simple things like buying food and collecting prescriptions. But then I am preferred nonverbal and I have severe challenging behaviour. And a visual impairment that means I cannot cross the road safely and I cannot see individual items in a shop, as well as other things.

However despite classic autism, I am a uni student. I have a full time 1:1 support worker at uni and a free taxi service. I am on benefits now but I hope to work in the future, even if it is a simple job, I just want to earn money. I am not doing my degree for fame or prestigiousness, I just want to develop myself.

And I believe you can develop yourself. As above, take things step by step. I couldn't even use a washing machine at 20 years old. Now I can wash, iron and remove difficult stains from clothes. And I can buy clothes online too. Before my processing difficulties would have prevented that.

I will never be able to drive and I may need a lot of support for the rest of my life. But I can still develop the little things and the larger things too. And you can too.


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I am a partially verbal classic autistic. I am a pharmacology student with full time support.