I can't stop offending people

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It doesn't happen just here, it's happened on any forum I have gone to. I say things or post things about myself or can use I statements and no matter how I change my wording, someone still gets offended by it. Occasionally a person will make my post be about them when I wasn't even talking about them and it always pisses me off. I just want to be on here and post without worrying about anyone thinking it will be about them or that I am insulting them when I am talking about myself or making anyone feeling threatened. I know this is the internet and I am sure this happens to everyone so I try and not take it personally because I have seen it happen to others on other forums as well like at Babycenter which was very common there so that was why I quit going there because I didn't feel safe there and I felt I couldn't post anything without someone getting offended. But then I hate that person forever and see them as the enemy because of a misunderstanding. Also another thing that upsets me is when a person acts like they are the only ones in the world so they make my post be about them thinking I am talking about them. Well if they have done something like that to me and I mention it in my post, then maybe I am talking about them but yet they seem to forget there are other people out in the world and they are not the only ones who have done it so why make it personal?

And if anyone is wondering, this is about a recent incident that happened here with another user here a couple days ago and that person had left this forum again. While I did feel bad for unintentionally making her upset even though I never had anything against her or thought anything of her, I couldn't say anything to her because she would have just seen it as gas lighting and me playing innocent and being in denial and she was already upset so i didn't want to trigger her more so I just sat back and waited for her to calm down. But I am not sorry for what I wrote, I am only sorry for that she got upset. But I am not only talking about this, I am also talking about from over the years I have been posting here and elsewhere where someone will occasionally make a post to me and it doesn't make sense or they try and pick a fight with me or take what I say out of context or make my post be about them or read it wrong and misinterpret it or just simply get offended or falsely accuse me of something. So that was why I responded to her the way I did because I had gotten upset and I didn't like how I was misinterpreted and then she couldn't dish it out when I responded the way I did. It's happened before in the past but not with her but with some other users online and not just here.


I know this is the internet and no matter how we word things or what we say about ourselves, someone will always get offended and we can't do anything about it. So we just have to live with it and move on and not let it upset us. Just because one person feels a certain way about me doesn't mean everyone else feels that way so I must not get anxiety about it and start worrying about how misunderstood I am and how bad my social skills are and how sucky my communication skills must be and wondering how many other people must I be upsetting if some person got upset with me. I also have to remember some people have their own problems so it's not always something I did wrong when they react the way they do to me. Though on Reddit I wrote how I feel like I am a slow learner because I fit the characteristics of it but the only reason why it doesn't fit is because my IQ tested too high in 5th grade, someone else responded saying how I just made them feel bad about themselves and then told me it's not me, it's just them so nothing personal. That made me feel better because that person told me I didn't do anything wrong, my post just triggered their emotions is all so I didn't get upset about it. But that still made me feel how I can't even write about how I feel about myself or my own feelings without anyone getting offended or insulted by it.

But damn it, I wish I can make posts without anyone thinking my posts are about them or thinking I am being passive aggressive or taking what I say out of context or reading into things that are not there or thinking I have some agenda in my posts. This has happened to me before six years go. Then I figured years later I was just being gaslighted by that person because I was doubting myself and my communication and social skills because I come off wrong. Then it would be confusing when I got told by another user here my social skills were fine and stuff because this didn't explain the misunderstandings. Then I thought I was gaslighted. But I don't know anymore.

What people think is their own business and unless you're attacking them directly, they shouldn't be letting it get to them anyway. But if they do, don't let it get you down. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own insecurities.
Something I try to do before posting anything is to think of any and all reactions people might have and post a sort of disclaimer before anyone tries to twist my words. But then again, I have no control over how someone wants to interpret what I say, so I try not to let it bother me.

No matter what you say,
somebody will take offense.

Best to focus on people who build each other up in encouragement
rather than on people who only bring others down.

I agree with this. I hate it when people post those stupid motivational quotes on Facebook. I always feel that the people posting them do it out of self righteousness. I block the accounts that generate the quotes and don't start an argument with the friend that reposted it. The quotes usually tap into an insecurity I have and makes me angry, but I have a responsibility to not make it into an issue.

Possibly the people who turn your words into an issue don't have an issue with what you were saying. It's just that they have something going on internally and what you wrote resonates with them personally and they want to talk about it. It maybe hurts them a lot inside and they want to shout about it and argue about it.

That's not about you. It may be best to ignore people like that and not respond to their posts.

I sometimes don't because I don't have the mental energy to defend myself and not in the mood and also because I am too speechless to know what to say to them because their post made no sense to what I wrote and how it fits with what I wrote.



Yeah that makes sense. Maybe I am the one being too personal and having the issue here.


Thanks to the other two who have responded so far.

I would say there are just some people who get bored when things are going well, so they seek to "rock the boat" a bit.

I have actually been told this by a few people I know.

Hi Lg. I did realise I had also taken something personally that I shouldn't. It was my own insecurity. I did try to explain that can happen, to another, but not very well. I also often get taken the wrong way, like you feel you are, and, yes I'm often referring to myself not the other person. In fact often the offense is over something I can't possibly know. So I figured it happens to other people too. In the end I could be driven back into silence, but am attempting to let you know there's no fault to be found. Misunderstandings happen. I am not a side taker. I am just aware via what happens to myself what probably happens to many others. I'm on wp to learn coping strategies and enjoy a form of communication with people I share some experiences with. I also enjoy hearing their ideas and views. I do want to be supportive, but not at the expense of another. I could just listen in and never comment, but I'm here. So are you. I value and respect that. If there's a problem with anything I personally post I prefer that people tell me directly. Otherwise how do I know? Likewise I will always try to step back and consider before replying. If I made it worse by commenting, I sincerely didn't mean to. Be true to yourself. Misunderstandings happen.

I agree that no matter what you say someone will lash out, misunderstand, attack you because of something you say. It is extremely frustrating, but the fact of the matter is you can't please everyone and there are a lot of emotionally immature people out there nowadays that take everything personally or selectively read and respond to what they want. I've seen it so many times. There are a ton of programs and stuff to help kids stop bullying, yet it's done constantly via the internet by adults that are supposed to be mature enough to recognize a personal attack from a thought or personal problem of another. The level of animosity is unreal anymore.

There are a lot of people who will try and manipulate you into their own agendas or for that of the sake of their own egos, and when you stand up for your self they tend to try even harder to bring you down. You can do nothing offensive yet they may take offensive in that of your being more acknowledged or self confident then they are in something, or if they see a weakness they may use that as a means to try and build up their own egos by brining you down further, think about it and all those bullies in the world, its quite common placed. Just ignore them and move on, if they can not accept or like you for who you are then thats their problem and you can find better and more accepting people to be around. you can not make everyone happy, so do not try.

I don't remember ever being offended by anything you said. Sometime people are just mad at the world and maybe they just decide to take it out on you.

Yes there are a lot of angry people in the world, and if you seem too passive, as most autistics are, they may take that as a weakness and use it against you feeling your not going to try and stand up to them.

Don't worry about it, it's not your problem that other people can't read someone else's opinions on the internetz without flipping out.

The best way to avoid being misunderstood is to be extremely clear in your writing. It might also help to use disclaimers such as "I am not talking about anyone on this forum; it's someone in my work I had a problem with."

I am not gonna lie, League_Girl you have offended me, however this is the exact reason why I was offended. I don't have a personal problem with anyone here really.

I can't see how League Girl could offend anybody.

She tells it like she sees it.

In detail like Herman Melville LOL

But in a good way.

Well it wasn't her, it was just a thread that she created that greatly upset me, its not relevant though cause it doesn't reflect OP. It was totally related to my experiences and there was nothing she did wrong. I did not mean my post to upset her, I meant my post to validate what hurtloam said.