Nobody Listens To Me

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This afternoon, I was sitting with a group of moms and tried to join their conversation. None of them seemed to know each other, so it wasn't as if I was trying to break into their clique or anything. They started talking about another mom who walked by. They weren't gossiping or anything, just sort of marveling at how she takes care of so many kids. The woman is an aquaintance of mine, so I tried to answer some of their speculations. They completely ignored anything I tried to add to the conversation, even though I was the only one in the group who knew her well enough to answer. They would say something like, "I wonder how many kids she has." I would answer them in what I thought to be a clear voice, being careful to look at one of them, while saying it. None of them acknowledged that I even existed or had said anything. The next Mom, who had only ever seen her pass by, answered the original question (totally ignoring my response), "I don't know. I think she might have ..." I spoke again, repeating what I knew to be the truth, but again, another mom answered that she wondered how many the woman really did have. What the heck!?! Why am I so invisible to these women??? It seriously felt like one of those moments you see in movies where the spirit realizes they're dead and no one can see or hear them. My aquaintance came back from the restroom and sat with me for the rest of the time. I wonder if the women were then thinking that maybe I did have something to say, after all.

I just can't understand it, though. I know I'm an Aspie and all, but what is it exactly that I do that makes NT's treat me as if I'm invisible?

It happens to me all the time, and I have no idea what to do.

They've always been very dismissive of me; one of my least favorite things about them.

Yeah, it happens to me all the time too. This wasn't an isolated incident. Usually, I can fool myself into believing that it's because I'm not part of their clique or that I have nothing important to add to the conversation. This time, though, none of those applied.

I almost wanted to scream, "Shut up and listen to me! Why are you still asking questions when I GAVE you the answers?!?"

Luckily, I'm not clueless enough to do something so drastic.

I feel invisible a lot. I've encountered the exact same situation. I'm starting to give up trying - to just not talk.

I've kind of gotten over getting my feelings hurt by it, after all these years (almost!); but I'd still like to figure out exactly what it is that makes them immediately know that I don't belong. It's almost like a mystery I'd like to solve. Does my voice tremble too much? Did I speak too softly -- too loudly? Did I not emphasize the right words? I know you can't really give me the answers, but it drives me nuts that I'll never really know. I wish a psychologist would do a hidden study with Aspies in these situations and tell us what we did wrong. Sometimes, I even fantasize about going back and asking these types of women why they reacted this way. I'd love to tell them that they can be completely honest with me, not worry about hurting my feelings, just tell me the truth. Of course, I never would.

Aw, Kiki3, I'm right there with you. I don't know what it is. I wish I knew. I don't think I'll ever understand either. People are so strange, and so dismissive, and sometimes I think they're deliberately being mean but I can't think of why they would do that. I really am right there with you. Next time it happens, you can think of me and know you're not alone. *hug*

What do you think you need right now?

Meredith Vieira is on the East Coast, remember that!

It happens to me a lot, both here and the real world.

You thought Regis was better, didn't you?