Today is Day One (1)

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This is a blog post I made at GRASP. But, it may never see the light of day and it is pertenent to this community and those who know me.

There are three dates that will be with me forever. Not counting children and other things like. The personal dates.


January 16, 1998: Stopped using cocaine and entered rehab on October 28 of that year. Yes, that's two, but they are the cojoined twins of events.


April 14, 2016: Diagnosed with HFA. I still prefer Asperger's because it is so cogent to my failings.


Today, October 18, 2016: My life has abruptly entered a new stage. A very unsettling stage. But it is Day One (1).


Since February 28 of this year, there has been a lot of things going on. Police involvement concerning my wife (I called, before anybody gets weirded out), Dealing with the DA, subsequent divorce (Having to file my own papers and extra costs), dealing with IRA rollovers and getting waivers signed in a contentious situation all while trying to finish a freelance job and school starting up. It was tough, double tough. I was putting in a lot of work while trying to run around and deal with all this.


Everything was finished by October 7. At the school, we had Columbus Day off. So, I literally had something rare for me. A week of nothing to do but keep a doctor's appointment or two. It was crash week.


So, why is today, Day One (1)? Because, my life is in complete disarray. There is no constant but my employment (Little as it is). I have not pressured the wife to remove her things. I don't want that to change just yet. The house is going to hell and back (Yay executive functioning!!), but to change the arrangement of things, and all is too much with all the other changes going on. So, it is on the backburner. But at the same time, if I do not take advantage of this rapid change, a basic 'clean slate', I will isolate even further.


Seemed like I got a lot done above, eh? Well, I go to the DA's office. Then back home at 12:30 and all lights off, computer off (or rendering out part of the job), no TV, just highly suppressed sensory input. I am lucky, I live in a nice basement. It is quiet. And, for NYC, I live in a quiet part, for NYC that is.


So, today I began the new phase of life. I do not do this because of some master plan, but because this is the way life worked out. I am forearmed with knowledge that I did not have before. I have to set new, more positive routines, seeks things that my natural talents can be of use and my failings are not a problem.


It's hard. And as time has gone on and that stress built up, I am having a more difficult time trying to be part of the world. I had to revert to type (Tunnel vision, giving in to that solid focus and just powering through) Although nobody really reached out to communicate with me (no friends...surprise!!) I could not. But, it all got done. But I must get out of 'type' and resume trying to be a part of this world, or find my niche. And, that is where all this new information will come in handy. And, the continued new information.


I am trying to push out of my comfort zone. But it is fighting back. So, just like a person returning to working out, not too much at any given time. And, since I am 'returning' after about 9 weeks of isolation, that was enough for all my natural tendencies to take root and flourish. The weeds of my life. And, with this new and sudden vacuum, I am struggling with organization, prioritization, and, sadly, keeping appointments. I am always running late. That is not me and it drives me crazy. One of my compulsions is to be early so I can always be on time. It's a trick in NYC, but I manage, even if I have to wait 45 minutes for an appointment....it's happened.


But, I strive for progress, not perfection. And, that statement, from me, is one of complete irony. But it is a new thing I am going to try.

Good luck, Sir.

Even amid all the confusion, you're still intact (without feeling so). You probably have some sort of survival instinct.

Yeah, I can go with that. But, no social instincts LOL

But, yeah. At least the people that are treating me for the Asperger's understand how much all this has been unsettling.

And, man, did I crash all last week. My sleep is all messed up. I've reverted back to my natural nocturnal state. And, without the driving forces of a deadline, I'm really all kerflutzed about everything.

But, new beginnings and all.

And, for all the people that think that because I have kids, been married, etc. I must do ok..... well, this is divorce number three. So, I don't think that's an indicator. And for the people who DO have successful relationships, I congratulate you.

Good luck with your new life; not many get the chance to restart with such a clean slate (whether they want to or not).

Make the most of it, good sir

Hope this was day 1 of improvement.

The dissolution of your last relationship doesn't seem to be your fault.

Did she assault you, so you had to call the cops?

Bloody hell, that's dramatic. Remember to be nice to yourself and be patient. Best wishes

It is day one and we shall see how well I navigate the future. I think it has a better chance this time now that I know more about what I am dealing with. First step is to push my butt out the door and start to do things to break these cycles.

She did threaten me. That's true, but I have come to believe she has her problems too. Whatever demons are driving her, it is different now. She's treating me more politely and with respect. That has calmed down.

Thank you. I think the trick will be to do that, but not let it become self indulgent. I am trying to make improvements.