Feeling Like I Am Not Real

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I was recently diagnosed with ASD. This is way late in my life and even though I feel like the diagnosis truly explains why my life is the way it is, rings true with my parents memories of my childhood, and is backed by three professionals that somehow I am not credible. I have read and made some posts here but feel like I am intruding in some weird way. I also feel like the long journey in the dark is over, and pulled back the curtain to reveal the actual truth of the wizard of OZ. Does anyone else here feel like this or have felt this way when they were diagnosed late?

i think that's the rule rather than the exception when it comes to late diagnoses. you get used to "that unnamable and invisible thing" being part of yourself, and it's all that you've ever known. and then, one day, it has a name

when you grow up having no idea that you have some type of autism or developmental disorder, you probably end up compensating in ways that you wouldn't otherwise, and you end up developing a different set of chronic issues. so it's hard to compare yourself to people who were diagnosed early

it's clear to me that i have significant sensory integration issues that are never going to be cured, but to be honest i really don't know if i have (or would have ever developed) anything that really looks like asperger's. my hunch is that the answer is no, and i'm leaving it at that. i just know that i don't feel like i live on the same plane of existence as everybody else, and i never did, and almost certainly never will

As an older female you are going to have trouble fitting in with a message board in which most of the participants are younger males. While it is likely that there are just as many females with autism as males, many females are not diagnosed. And there aren't many older aspies because the diagnoses of autism is relatively new--when I was in school they suspected something but couldn't figure it out, so I was returned to the mainstream classroom after a day or two. And once I started getting good grades nobody cared that I was different.

Thank you both for your perspectives on this.
BTDT: I do agree that being older and female may be a barrier to communication with the majority of the people in this forum in some ways. I remember the idea back when I was in school was she can read and write she just needs to try harder and learn to control her temper. I am actually relieved to see others here that are of older generations it reminds me that I am not completely alone.
anagram: I agree with the way that developing the coping skills can shape a person's behavior and become so familiar that it is sometimes hard to accept a diagnosis. I remember actively trying to become less sensitive by exposure to gradual levels of more sound and forcing myself to go out and be in more crowded places. It didn't work and I definitely agree that coming to accept that about yourself is a better way to be.

Definitely I have lots of trouble feeling credible, but about loads of things. The (late) diagnosis at 52 helped a lot of stuff make cognitive/logical sense to me. Explains so much!

However I think I'm very used to my inner experience not being validated by the general way people (neurotypicals) describe their inner experiences in lots of ways. I have trouble verbalizing my feelings too, for ASD-related reasons. It is helping me to see my inner ASD-related stuff described verbally elsewhere now, occasionally, and to finally get to talk about bits of it with people. The female ASD issues are so unknown to so many people though! Trying to educate a medical provider while one is really anxious that they'll find you not credible, and you suspect you're not, is really weird and difficult. I feel like I'm not real sometimes in such situations.

When the topic was first broached, it hit me completely out of the blue, not at all what I expected. I just couldn't really relate to others very well, and I often commit social faux pas. I was only seeing someone because I almost lost my job at work after losing my temper on a continual basis. It's made so much sense, though, and over time I've come to accept it a bit more.

When I was diagnosed at age 55 I also had Depersonalization-Derealization issues. Specifically I was unsure what traits was the real me and what traits or were fake from trying to fit in for decades. I also wonder if there is a natural part of me I have buried so long I can not recognize it.

Everybody is welcome here no matter what there neurology.

I get what you're saying about feeling like you're intruding. I get that too. I think it's because I spent most of my life thinking I was just a random collection of screwups. I never spoke to a doctor about it because I thought I either wouldn't be believed or would end up on medication that would screw me up in other ways. Instead I just adapted to the world as it was, as well as I could. The end result is that I now feel like a weird kind of NT/aspie hybrid with a bit of schizoid thrown in. I don't really fit in anywhere, but at least here I've found people who are dealing with similar issues to the ones I've had to deal with, albeit maybe for different neurological reasons.

Well, you found the right place.

Yeah, that's a good analogy.

They usually stay in PPR and L&D.

I feel this way too.

Hi. I totally relate to this. I am older still and in britain diagnosis etc is almost exclusively for much younger people. Support for adults is very scant. I cannot access any without a diagnosis. I am too old to get a diagnosis. Hence i have come to wp to learn to manage.

It's preferable by far to not realising what my issues spring from.

However, without confirmation of my suspicions, ie an official diagnosis, i do feel like i am intruding.

I have learned to cope, particularly in public. But my core problems are still there.

I totally relate to this issue, and just say 'hi' and welcome.