Afraid of ugly people--semi-rant which might not make sense

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I admit to doing this without any 'pre-cursor' research on the aesthetics of that deeply inflammatory word..

It's been starting to get to me and I would like to act on the leisure to be candid here at age 25. It might very well have to do with my processing of non-verbal communication, lack of experiences which I find favorable and the toxic-ish environments, institutional-ish environments which I've been around, my repulsion and/or semi-fear of white people and some stuff about socialization, kindness,self-kindness which is neurologically meaningful and/or has a 'material implication' to empathy.

Maybe it's much more than not being great at making eye contact but I have an even more difficult time looking at ppl, if I consider them 'unattractive' or 'ugly'. This might connect to pastp ostings I have made like this one viewtopic.php?t=285341 and this one viewtopic.php?t=285744 .

While I'm darn skippy sure of how attractiveness is a subjective assessement, goodness knows how everyone 'yields to' the attitude of 'you are your body'/materialism, one way or another; b/c looks and aesthetics are just as much a part of value theory as ethics and goodness knows how many get screwed over in life on the basis of not 'providing' a pleasant sensory experience or the absence of it, irregardless of how many justified and/or favorable points you bring up while 'screaming in the void' for your voice to be heard. Maybe Darwinianism need not apply for when it comes to how 'being easy on the eyes=popular/ worth being to listened to b/c of assumed valid experience due to appealing looks'.

----------The insulting-ish part which I would like to say rather candidly: in the area of the city in which I live, imo there are many ugly ppl. Middle-aged or such, clothes not particularly appealing, mannerisms which I would rather not take my chances with and/or would find comfortable around, some with valid impairments like being non-typical when it comes to mobility, me weary of pan-handling and possible substance use--a major contrast to the more 'well-to-do' area around a certain university. I was near the area while busing and I think I finally got triggered when I saw a person who's looks I would associate with another area around a bus stop at a pharmacy. The area being one which I associate with all those who actually 'pulled off' being 'successful' with the institution of education/being a student and whom I am jealous.------------

I got screwed over by a teacher who's looks remind me of certain area, who was teaching something as intrinsically uncompromising as math and who I (dare say) regret having given sympathy to, b/c why would I ever expect someone as self-satisfied in how unpleasant and intimidating he was to 'some blank face kids' whilst in the last ~2 years of his career before retiring and passing away not long afterward, >8( would *EVER* change?!, short of being somehow triggered to finally say something which demonstrates vulnerability...whenever I see 'aging working class southern Ontarians', it very well be I'm reminded of him, particularly when it comes to 'scowly faces'. Not to mention, how I think of how this can apply to my dad, me fearing looking like him and the turmoil I have as to what my parents mean.

The part which is important to me is the part which is in between the dashes..that is the part which I would prefer and/or like to be replied to..back to attempting to do homework relevant to a test on Friday, I dare to resume again.

im not sure where i land on the scale of looks, I despise how i look and cant even look into a mirror without feeling ashamed and disgusted. yet ive had a girl get so nervous about talking to me that she starts to hyperventilate, a girl sit next to me and demand to take a picture with me and was really interested in talking to me (i didnt know her, at all....that was literally the first time we met) only for her later to proclaim "MARRY MEEEEE!! !! !" as i went up the stairs to class. oh yes and the girl who stared at me for a solid 5 minutes and then snapped out of it and apologised, kinda wish this attention was from guys as im gay but its appreciated haha, i had 3 girls stop talking at their table and all look at me in sync till i went out of sight, only for them to resume their conversation like nothing happened. so maybe i land on the higher end to other people.


as with all things, looks can be deceiving, just because one person who is considered ugly acts a certain way, does not mean another will act the same as im sure you know. and the same goes with good looking people, can be mean, can be nice or anything inbetween, remember that looks dont dictate behavior, attire might though, as ive found those that dress with chains and typical "ganster" outfits can be very mean and hostile, but those dressed modestly are nice. sometimes modest dressers have been mean, like a guy i thought i was friends with all year suddenly hated me with a passion near the end.....i still to this day dont know why. behavior is a fluid thing i guess.

When I was very young I was turned off by the sight of ugly people, but at a fairly early age, I developed a habit of analyzing their appearance to see if there wasn't at least one thing about their appearance that was at least a little nice. This quickly became a natural mechanism for me, as it was sort of like a game. The best part is that it always works. I always find something nice in even the ugliest person's appearance. Maybe it's their expression, or the way they are dressed, or the way their hair is done, etc., but I am always able to find something to like in the appearance of everyone, including myself, and yes I am rather homely, but I have a nice smile, when I smile, which isn't often. Not much of a smiler. Try my "game." It should help you deal with the negative feelings you have about ugly people. Also, remember, ugly appearance, like skin color, is only skin deep. The person inside has nothing to do with what they look like on the outside.

You could be like Trump--if you are wealthy it is much easier to associate only with beautiful people.

But, now that he is President-elect it is obvious that he is becoming more polite to people he doesn't
like--he has to.

It is the hardest job in the world.

Its rare that someone registers to me as ugly or attractive, it takes something to create an association for me, without that present people just kinda have a set of attributes in the form of shapes, colors, sizes. At some point I wondered if my as could explain this, because I have more of a detachment from the things that are socialized into nts (beauty standards change throughout time and culture), but reading this maybe its just a personal thing, and I can't ascribe it to as. Hm.

I'm not bothered by unattractive people, and like one of the posters above, I'll sometimes search for something nice about their appearance or personality.

I think I'm more turned off by someone who clearly has poor hygiene and manners.

The problem is tv. Tv shows and movies have poisoned the minds of millions of kids.

Beautiful,rich, clean..etc..."Good"

Ugly, poor, dirty clothes...etc "Evil"