Building a romance upon friendship: thoughts

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whatamievendoing
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04 Nov 2016, 7:30 am

So here's something I've been giving a lot of thought to lately: what is a good basis to build a romantic relationship upon?

Now when I say "basis", I mean the extent to which the people in the relationship are acquainted with each other. Are they colleagues at work? Long-time friends? Mutual acquaintances of a third party? Two strangers who just met each other at the local bar?

Personally, I haven't been in a single relationship yet, although I did come close to having a LDR with someone I met online. I even fell in love with her. Alas, things didn't play out favorably. Either way, by the time we were discussing it, we'd already established a rather close friendship.

Hence, I've been contemplating this, especially my personal preference as to what kind of basis I'd want to build a relationship upon. I've never been the type to feel a connection to just about anyone - while I have had a lot of minor crushes (prior to the case described above), I only felt physical attraction to them at best. Then again, a select few crushes aside, I barely even knew them to begin with.

In any case, I like to think that a friendship, or at the very least a close acquaintanceship - to myself anyway - would be the best basis to build a relationship upon. We'd know each other well, we'd respect each other, we'd appreciate each other. That, to me, is an ideal scenario for starting a romance.

So, any thoughts? What sort of basis would you build a relationship upon? All comments are welcome.


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kraftiekortie
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04 Nov 2016, 7:50 am

This is going to seem simplistic within the context of an Aspie/Autistic Forum!

I believe the most important foundations for a romance are common interests, common life-philosophy, and common background. All three don't have to be present; but I believe at least two of the three must.



whatamievendoing
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04 Nov 2016, 8:25 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
This is going to seem simplistic within the context of an Aspie/Autistic Forum!


Fair enough, but I just figured I'd share some thoughts probably not quite as commonly shared. :tongue:


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kraftiekortie
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04 Nov 2016, 8:47 am

I can dig it. I get where you're coming from.

What region of Finland do you reside in?



whatamievendoing
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04 Nov 2016, 8:48 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I can dig it. I get where you're coming from.

What region of Finland do you reside in?


The eastern part, specifically in Northern Karelia.


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kraftiekortie
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04 Nov 2016, 10:04 am

That's really pretty far north. Are there many Sami (Lapps) where you are?



whatamievendoing
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04 Nov 2016, 11:12 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
That's really pretty far north. Are there many Sami (Lapps) where you are?


No, the Sami are even further up north.


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Sweetleaf
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04 Nov 2016, 12:32 pm

Well I met my boyfriend online and we decided to be in a relationship after a few dates, I wanted to get to know him a bit first before committing to a relationship and also determine if he was just leading me on like some other guys have, or if he was serious about a relationship with me.

It worked out pretty well, so I don't think its necessary to already be friends with or know someone to form a relationship. However I think it is useful to spend some time with them a few times before deciding to take things further and get more intimate(seems any time I met a guy and we ended up having sex the first time we met nothing came of the 'relationship)

I also have never really had a group of long term friends or group to hang out with, so never was in a position to try dating a friend I've known for a while...so not sure how that would play out.



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04 Nov 2016, 4:37 pm

I think it's a good idea to start from either acquaintanceship or casual friendship. That allows you to know someone enough to understand their values, sense of humor, and interests, without getting too committed to someone whose feelings you don't know yet.

Sometimes close friendships turn into relationships, but it's unpredictable and not good to aim for at the risk of hurt feelings when it doesn't happen. Although it's not a bad idea to consider if friends might be a good romantic match, too.

Similar to another poster, I met my boyfriend online (but we live a few hours apart). We were somewhat close friends before we started developing more.



nick007
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05 Nov 2016, 9:03 pm

Me & my 1st girlfriend were online friends awhile before she told me she liked me. I had no desire for a relationship until I had gotten to know her & realized that I liked her. I was desperate for a relationship after that & I met my 2nd girlfriend online & we only chatted briefly before becoming a couple. I also met my current girlfriend online which is my 3rd. She read lots of my post before messaging me & like the 2nd we only chatted briefly before becoming a couple. I think the best basis for me to establish a relationship was meeting online. I'm pretty shy & socially awkward offline & had no luck but bad trying to meet women offline. I would of really liked to have started a relationship offline thou but I wouldn't of really felt comfortable unless we would of knew each other a bit 1st. Everyone I liked offline was an acquaintance or friend. I would of loved to have been set up but I would of wanted to take things very slow at 1st if I was.


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AngelRho
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06 Nov 2016, 7:18 am

A close friendship is an ideal foundation for a romantic LTR. Best friends are the type to remain with you for life, share everything, are trustworthy, and who you can listen to even when the truth is not what you want to hear. There's no difference between a spouse and best friend except maybe physical intimacy and potential for children. Any time you get a man and a woman together over a common cause for a relationship, all you ever do is win.