It is possible to simply not have what women want?

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Outrider
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12 Jul 2017, 7:12 pm

imhere wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
it is a matter of wavelength, we all resonate at our own frequency and other frequencies tend to be discordant when combined with ours, just not compatible. the aspie frequency is far away from both other aspie frequencies as well as NT frequencies so it is a numbers game, there aren't very many other people whose frequencies match ours. that is why so many of us are alone and not desired.


And then there's the Aspie who rejects the affections of a woman who loves him dearly and would do anything for him. And she has no idea why. They are riding the same wavelength too.
http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=348128


I see this haappen a lot too. An NT woman codly and rudely dumped by an aspie male for no reason or she made him upset once so he never wants to speak to her again.

I hate it when this happens.

So many lonely aspies here who just want someone to love yet apparently there's a brigade of aspies who go around breaking kind womens hearts.

How come its them ending up in all the relationships instead of the people who would be grateful and work hard to stay with instead of these aspies who chicken out the first sign there's a problem?



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12 Jul 2017, 9:50 pm

Outrider wrote:
imhere wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
it is a matter of wavelength, we all resonate at our own frequency and other frequencies tend to be discordant when combined with ours, just not compatible. the aspie frequency is far away from both other aspie frequencies as well as NT frequencies so it is a numbers game, there aren't very many other people whose frequencies match ours. that is why so many of us are alone and not desired.


And then there's the Aspie who rejects the affections of a woman who loves him dearly and would do anything for him. And she has no idea why. They are riding the same wavelength too.
http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=348128


I see this haappen a lot too. An NT woman codly and rudely dumped by an aspie male for no reason or she made him upset once so he never wants to speak to her again. I hate it when this happens. So many lonely aspies here who just want someone to love yet apparently there's a brigade of aspies who go around breaking kind womens hearts.
How come its them ending up in all the relationships instead of the people who would be grateful and work hard to stay with instead of these aspies who chicken out the first sign there's a problem?

seems a lot of us aspies are just not cut out [don't have the right stuff] to handle relationships with all their vicissitudes.



imhere
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12 Jul 2017, 9:57 pm

auntblabby wrote:

seems a lot of us aspies are just not cut out [don't have the right stuff] to handle relationships with all their vicissitudes.



He's amazing. I'm just a fool to think he'd have me.



auntblabby
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12 Jul 2017, 9:58 pm

imhere wrote:
auntblabby wrote:

seems a lot of us aspies are just not cut out [don't have the right stuff] to handle relationships with all their vicissitudes.



He's amazing. I'm just a fool to think he'd have me.

did you let him know of your opinion of him?



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12 Jul 2017, 10:00 pm

Oh yea. You can read the story of recent events in the previously linked post.



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12 Jul 2017, 10:07 pm

i'm sorry this happened to you. I can tell you from my perspective, that i'd bet good money that he behaved as he did, for at least this reason [among others], he was deathly fearful that he'd disappoint you in some key masculine/relational way, so he subconsciously "predisastered things" to ward off that possibility of an ignominious failure on his part, a failure he could not live with, so a failure to connect for him was likely less a bad thing than the only alternative he could imagine.



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12 Jul 2017, 10:10 pm

i'm sorry too, imhere. i had not seen your follow up posts. it's a shame. i hope you are ok.



imhere
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12 Jul 2017, 10:24 pm

auntblabby wrote:
i'm sorry this happened to you. I can tell you from my perspective, that i'd bet good money that he behaved as he did, for at least this reason [among others], he was deathly fearful that he'd disappoint you in some key masculine/relational way, so he subconsciously "predisastered things" to ward off that possibility of an ignominious failure on his part, a failure he could not live with, so a failure to connect for him was likely less a bad thing than the only alternative he could imagine.



In 100 different ways he knows how highly I think of him. He could never disappoint me, and I'm pretty sure he knows that too. But I also thought that he thought of me as his safe place. So unless I was wrong about that, then I'm a mere annoyance to him, and I've been a fool. But if there's something there, even the remotest possibility of it, I just can't walk away. That kind of connection should never ever ever be dismissed for any reason. None. It's too much of a miracle to not grab it. It's rare and it doesn't happen often, and to let it go without exploration is a tragedy. It's the stuff life's greatest memories are made of. That's why I can't let go.

So you see, OP? It's not always about being Aspie. Or, maybe you might be pushing away women in this same way as my Aspie is. Or maybe not recognizing a situation that presents itself to you. I don't know.



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12 Jul 2017, 10:29 pm

I suppose a good number of us lonely aspies, when we finally meet our makers and have our life review, when god replays the various situations we were in with potential mates, and we finally get to see what the others were really thinking of us, a lot of us will be devastated to find out what incompetent and dense fools we were. it will likely be all clear to us then, terminally too late. makes me wonder why i'm hangin' on, oft-times.



imhere
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12 Jul 2017, 10:39 pm

auntblabby wrote:
I suppose a good number of us lonely aspies, when we finally meet our makers and have our life review, when god replays the various situations we were in with potential mates, and we finally get to see what the others were really thinking of us, a lot of us will be devastated to find out what incompetent and dense fools we were. it will likely be all clear to us then, terminally too late. makes me wonder why i'm hangin' on, oft-times.



What seems like foolish behavior to one person would be the biggest display of affection and love to another. It's all about how the person on the receiving end feels about the person on the giving end. But I don't think anyone, Aspie or NT, should stop showing their "fool" within, otherwise we miss those opportunities. But in my case, it might be time to stop acting like the fool because I let it out for a while now and I'm thinking that he just saw the fool and not the love within--meaning he didn't share it. But you should not give up. No one should ever give up hope. Love is real. I know it is. One day I hope I'm blessed enough to find it again. Wish that was with my Aspie though, even if only for a little while. Also, I do believe that so long as WE can love, we are LOVABLE (whether you can be good at showing it or not as an Aspie). Keep loving. It will find you back someday.



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12 Jul 2017, 10:44 pm

imhere wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I suppose a good number of us lonely aspies, when we finally meet our makers and have our life review, when god replays the various situations we were in with potential mates, and we finally get to see what the others were really thinking of us, a lot of us will be devastated to find out what incompetent and dense fools we were. it will likely be all clear to us then, terminally too late. makes me wonder why i'm hangin' on, oft-times.

What seems like foolish behavior to one person would be the biggest display of affection and love to another. It's all about how the person on the receiving end feels about the person on the giving end. But I don't think anyone, Aspie or NT, should stop showing their "fool" within, otherwise we miss those opportunities. But in my case, it might be time to stop acting like the fool because I let it out for a while now and I'm thinking that he just saw the fool and not the love within--meaning he didn't share it. But you should not give up. No one should ever give up hope. Love is real. I know it is. One day I hope I'm blessed enough to find it again. Wish that was with my Aspie though, even if only for a little while. Also, I do believe that so long as WE can love, we are LOVABLE (whether you can be good at showing it or not as an Aspie). Keep loving. It will find you back someday.

that is a beautiful thought. :flower:



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12 Jul 2017, 10:46 pm

Let the love flow. You can't get it if you don't give it. Only thing in the universe that you have more of the more you give it away.



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12 Jul 2017, 10:54 pm

my problem is that the folks i'm interested in generally put out "GO AWAY!" vibes that even I can't ignore or fail to see. I have been told in the past when I was more attractive, that there were people who were interested in me but their signals were so subtle that I had no hope of getting a clue.



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12 Jul 2017, 11:58 pm

auntblabby wrote:
my problem is that the folks i'm interested in generally put out "GO AWAY!" vibes that even I can't ignore or fail to see. I have been told in the past when I was more attractive, that there were people who were interested in me but their signals were so subtle that I had no hope of getting a clue.


I guess we can't expect those with the innate ability to avoid a lifetime of "Go away weirdo." "You're strange." spending countless hours trying to figure out what that nasty look was for or wondering what someone meant when they said X to understand what it's like to be us. I was shocked when I came across a study that estimated how often humans deceive one another throughout the day on average. I hide under my rock as much as possible to avoid humans, it's just safer that way.


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13 Jul 2017, 12:09 am

a safe existence under a rock or in the bushes out in the sticks has its charms, rather like the autistic "Holland" meme.
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13 Jul 2017, 4:46 am

TheSpectrum wrote:
Moccu wrote:
Some dudes leave a lot to be desired, so probably.

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...Ouch.


She probably got a break up on that day.