This lady has some serious issues with Aspies
androbot01
Veteran
Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
Scheimaa
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 9 Aug 2016
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 60
Location: Germany
Did it sound like i don't think people with asperger need that or that they all don't like being hugged and are cold?
sorry if that was the case
I just think that they don't always express their emotions in the same way like other people, and maybe sometimes don't feel it in the same way other people feel it.
so not every one can really understand them.
RetroGamer87
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Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia
It’s all too easy to come to believe we’re asking for too much when involved with an AS partner. We lose sight of our normal human needs (although they are still there). It happens insidiously as the AS person shapes us with their reactions. And when you add to that an army of supposed experts advising us to stop “bothering” our AS partner with our needs and feelings and to cater only to theirs, it’s strong reinforcement.
The expert advice too often given to wives and partners who go in search of help: “Do not have any expectations.” “Do not speak in an emotional manner.” “Be direct and stick to the facts.” “Get your support from others, not your spouse.” “Do not burden him with your issues.” It seems these experts are just as mindblind to us as the AS partner is.
When we seek help only to get more of what’s causing our problems in the first place—invalidation, denial of our normal needs, and disregard—we are DEHUMANIZED. As human beings, we all have innate emotional needs. If these needs aren’t met, our emotional, psychological and physical health will suffer. Having emotional needs does not mean we’re selfish or needy; it means we’re normal. We can not just set these needs aside, nor should we be expected to.
When we are made to feel selfish, needy and guilty for wanting to be loved, valued and treated with respect, and for not being able to give up those needs and expectations, it’s important to be reminded of our truth.
Your emotional needs include:
The need to be acknowledged.
The need to be accepted.
The need to be listened to.
The need to be understood.
The need to be loved.
The need to be appreciated.
The need to be respected.
The need to be valued.
The need to feel worthy.
The need to be trusted.
The need to feel capable and competent.
The need to be supported.
The need to be safe, both physically and emotionally.
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
A bitter woman on a vengeful crusade against everyone who happens to share her ex's diagnosis. Sigh.
Just another example of a NT being jealous of how superior we are
But more seriously, we could argue this night and day but the truth is conflict is unfortunately a significant part of relationships regardless of ASD being involved. The author here just wasted a lot of their time writing a long article in an attempt to prove that she was right in the conflict of her past relationship. But maybe that's why her relationship ended, she couldn't admit that sometimes she might be wrong and had to place a label on her partner to put him down. She made the classic mistake of preferring to be right than happy.
This honestly is making me cry. I can't fathom how people can be so cruel and ignorant. The fact that there are people out there who have this sentiment is a true testament to the inherent malice in humans.
This just reaffirms what I thought from the start. Don't just tell people you have Asperger's, just don't talk to anyone at all. You can't tell anyone you have Asperger's because they don't know what it is, they look it up and see pages like this and believe this crap and they apply the label to you, as stated before. Don't tell them and they find out eventually and break up with you because you're a freak and they didn't want to marry a freak.
If this is the society I seek to find love, hope, and acceptance in, then maybe I truly am on the wrong f*cking planet.
Thank you! You worded what I was trying to say perfectly.
So you wouldn't date someone with herpes? How cruel its not like they can help it
You can choose to not have Herpes. It's a choice you made and you pay the consequences. Autism isn't a choice.
I apologize because I didn't read the whole post but I wanted to say something. It wasn't until my son was diagnosed that I realized that I have Aspergers (brother and an uncle as well). Even when I thought that I was NT with a special needs child (has multiple health problems aside from ASD), I have never hid it. I was told once I shouldn't talk about it in mixed company and I refuse to be like that. She hid from her own son that he was dropped as a newborn and died and was in ICU for two weeks with a traumatic brain injury until he was 22 and he grew up thinking he was dumb his whole life and felt shame and had self esteem issues for thinking he was less of a person. That's just wrong.
My son would not be the bright little red headed boy that beats to his own drum. The difference he grew up in a supportive early development program. He gives hugs, kisses, will initiate eye contact (still working on maintaining), and is expressive voluntarily. He loves rainbows, minions and building towers and will "just want to tell you something" and call you his friend if you give him the time of day. And he loves, loves, LOVES his 3 year old sister. And she has started becoming protective of him. He didn't start out there. He refused to make eye contact for two years, only could accept a hug with his back to my chest until he was 4, only started giving people close to him kisses since he was 5. He's 7 now. He expresses often that he doesn't want to be touched and can tell me when he is mad or sad. He's never known it to be an issue so he has adapted to learning healthy ways to cope with his differences. But he wouldn't be him. He wouldn't get so excited, making strange throat sounds while flapping his hands. People used to look but what I found later was he was the favorite of his teachers and all his special needs service providers have expressed he was their favorite. For 2 years after his services ended, his habilitative interventionist continued to visit from time to time because she loved him. He is an amazing, creative, sneaky, clever, flamboyant little boy. I love my little Aspie and I'm proud and I will shout it from the rooftops if I have to.
That being said, I am undiagnosed but undeniably have Aspergers. My current girlfriend is NT... she knows not only about my ASD, about my son's and fairly certain my daughter is as well.... she knows it's more work but because we communicate (most of the time it's like pulling teeth but we get through it), we are close and have a very deep, very open, and very close emotional and physical connection that I didn't have before I realized I was Autistic. The reason I have that closeness is because she knows what to expect and how to best to give me what I'm needing. It's hard sometimes for both of us but honesty can be rewarding.
Comparing a transmitable disease isn't fair but what if your NT girlfriend had Bipolar or diabetes, or cancer... how could you even give the support she needed? If your not interested in love and it's casual dating then disclosure is not needed but when entering a committed and serious exclusive relationship... yeah, your partner has the right to know because your foolish if you think it won't impact them. If you can't respect a person enough to be open and honest, you shouldn't be dating NT people... but don't ruin it for those of us who love our NT girlfriends for being understanding, loyal and dependable.
The reason it is such a stigma is because not enough people know what ASD is and it's because we don't try as a community as part of our social condition. Prove that you aren't a stereotype and don't live by label. Show them that Aspie's are just as diverse in personality as NT people. Love yourself enough to have respect for yourself and embrace the amazing qualities and skills you posses.
And just a hint: NT people are the same as us with emotional issues, anxiety and are generally f****d up in many different ways.... they are just better at bullshitting their way through it and hiding their emotions. Aspie's spend all their time regulating and analyzing their feels. Different approaches to the same feelings and problems... we just live in the extremes.
I always go with personality and how they make me feel. That was why I dumped my other ex's because they stressed me out and put me into depression and one of them was destroying my self esteem and myself and the other one was making me go deaf and depressed I was zoning out from the real world I would find myself in places and have no memory of why I am there. They both gave me anxiety.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
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