Parents of AS kids: how or when did you know?

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Hello,
I am a parent of a very, very "impulsive" and "unruly" toddler. I can't help but to wonder if his behavior is related to AS or to ADHD, both of which I am diagnosed (Aspergers-ADHD) and his dad is just ADHD.

My little one has "spells" pretty regularly where he gets so absorbed into doing something that when we need to transition into the next activity or event, he has a total meltdown- screaming, scratching, hitting, etc- and the only thing that sometimes curbs the meltdowns is if I say, "Look at me in the eyes- mommy wants to keep doing ____ too, but we have to do ____ right now. (explain what we have to do and why and possibly throw in some exciting detail or reward)."

I'm pretty familiar with ADHD in kids but at this age- there's no way to emphasize that while hyperactive and inattentive behavior is normal- there is an extreme of the two that is not. No one gets it. So, that I have to wait out- but I am wondering for the parents of kids with mild Aspergers, what is the abnormal behavior exhibited by toddlers that is first noticeable?

Hi. I have a 10 year old and 7 year old both who have mild ASD. The signs were different with both of them, but one that was the same at a very young age was meltdowns every time we had to transition.

With my son, the signs at age 3 were this: Meltdowns at transitions, Spinning or rolling on the ground when he was in overwhelming environments, running away from me/out the door/toward a lake/toward a road when overwhelmed, hitting others when overstimulated, difficulty with imaginative play and only parallel play past the point where it was typical, repeating phrases over and over.

With my daughter, signs at age 3 were: Super sensitive to sound, walking on tiptoes, meltdowns with transitions, difficulty with cooperative play. (she was and IS great at imaginitive play, but is very rigid about HOW it's done.), not answering me when I called her name, extreme fear of playgrounds and other "kid friendly" locations, repeating phrases over and over.


What helped us with transitions was making a visual schedule and providing lots of warnings when things were changing.... With my son, I would draw a little story board that gave the basic outline of activities in the morning and in the afternoon. That way if there was something he was looking forward to, he could stop worrying about when it was going to happen becuase he knew we needed to, eat breakfast, have a snack, go to the store, etc first.

i hope that's helpful! Before age 3, the doctors gave me a lot of "wait and see" because even though the behaviors seemed extreme to me when I compared them to their peers, a lot of the stuff they were doing before then could be considered typical at certain stages. What made it clear tha it wasn't typical was that it lasted longer, was more intense and typical parenting interventions didn't work... I did a lot of following my gut with my kids and it turned out the teachers they had in preschool tuned in very quickly to the issues that were going on and really encouraged evaluations.