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Bald-Accountant
Deinonychus
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14 Dec 2016, 11:19 am

We have this new guy in the office and sometimes it seems like he is trying too hard to fit in and for some reason it bothers me. I am not sure why, maybe part of it is because his social skills are a lot better than mine and he seems to be making friends quicker than I ever could.

That got me thinking, is it OK to dislike someone because they are good at the social stuff?

I like to look at myself for intent, why I do things. Does the intent of someone who is using their social skills matter?

For example lets say someone is very successfully making friends with the boss. I know you cant know someone's intent, especially someone with Aspergers. But sometimes you just get this strong feeling that a lot of the social stuff is not sincere or just routine or habit. I sometimes even dislike people who are reaching out to me if I dont think they are sincere.

Like to hear your thoughts, hope that made sense.



feral botanist
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14 Dec 2016, 11:26 am

Will he get undeserved advancement from insincerity?

And, will you be negatively impacted because of this?



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14 Dec 2016, 12:50 pm

I dont think he would get a promotion, but it is always good to be friendly towards your boss. I suppose if he sticks around long enough it could benefit him in a promotion, but not right away.

She (the boss) loves to tell long stories about her kids. When she sat across from me I would hear her tell the same story multiple times.

I dont think I would be negatively impacted other than some jealousy and regret that I am not better socially.



feral botanist
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14 Dec 2016, 1:44 pm

Insincerity is just part of social organization for Neurotypicals. It is an aspect of how they determine status.

You might as well get mad a fish for swimming and birds for flying.



pontyrogof
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14 Dec 2016, 4:45 pm

feral botanist cleared this issue right up for me! Now I will quit trying to hang out with those who are not natural for me to hang out with and I will quit being disgusted by them. What is status?


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BeaArthur
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15 Dec 2016, 12:12 pm

I think mistrusting someone once their sincerity is in question is one way autistic people can reduce the harm caused by their own naivete.

At the same time, maybe withdrawing isn't the necessary response. Maybe you can assess the person as "insincere towards the boss, but still not a danger to me."


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feral botanist
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15 Dec 2016, 6:46 pm

I run into status issues all the time.

I don't care about it, so I am not assigned much status, but then when I give a scientific opinion and I say it like people need to listen to me. People often feel I am challenging them.

It's at that point, I find my best option is to drown them in related facts and scientific theory. :D