Girl AS are less likely than guy AS to marry and have kids?

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I read that somewhere. I fear it. I know I want to have kids one day with a guy, (who doesn't have mental disorders, because I have enough).

I'm smart and pretty, but not extraordinary. I'm socially clumsy and freak people out. I wanted to marry a nice guy and have one child, I think being a parent is a whole new dimension to your life and I find it beautiful.

No guys I like have liked me, to my knowledge, I'm not in college yet, but I've never dated.

I think maybe NT women are more forgiving than NT men and/or they can compensate for their AS man's social blunders where NT men expect their women to pick up the slack socially.

(This sounds weak, but I definitely would depend on my partner to some extent socially and executively, men like to feel needed, right? >_<)

If you went to aspie meetups, you would find that most aspie women are in a relationship and most aspie men are alone. If your social skills are below a certain level, you might freak a lot of people out but aspie women are on average less severely autistic than aspie men. Furthermore, the typical neurotypical female mind is the complete opposite of the typical aspie male mind whereas aspie women tend to be somewhat similar to the average neurotypical man psychologically.

If neurodiversity is a spectrum, it would, with some exceptions but nevertheless with a consistent pattern go something like this: aspie men - aspie women - neurotypical men - neurotypical women.

I've seen a lot of people on WP argue that the opposite is true. Personally I've not seen any prove (or really good evidence) that aspie women have greater trouble finding a partner than aspie men or that aspie men have greater trouble finding a partner than aspie women.
Some argue that aspie men have a harder time because men are often expected to be more actively looking for a partner and because job and income arguably affect a man's chance of getting a partner more.
Either way the severity of your aspergers matters a lot.



If you are still in school you are still very young. A lot of girls might have already dated or had a boyfriend at your age but it's not that unusual to not have done so yet. You know what you want, so keep trying.



Not sure about this one. Some people on WP like to argue the opposite about who is more forgiving too. What I've personally seen online both from NTs who have an aspie partner as well as from NTs who have a NT partner is that a lot more women than men write lengthy complaints about their ex or soon to be ex telling the world what an abusive a**hole he is (and often it's true that he is but other times they might be the ones who has the issue). Thus I'd definitely think that there are a lot of women who are not particularly forgiving but that there are a lot unforgiving women doesn't mean there can't also be many who are willing to compensate for their partner's social difficulties. There certainly are more NT women than NT men on WP in a relationship whith an aspie coming here to ask for advice - whatever that means.

If you say you read that somewhere that means you don't remember where, right? 'Cause that article might be quite interesting.

Most of the people I've seen trying to get help with a NT/AS relationship are women with autistic boyfriends. If you think about it this could mean one of two things: either autistic men are in more relationships, or relationships where the man is autistic tend to be the most problematic. I actually suspect that it's the latter.

From my experience as a male, the general instinct that guys tend to have is to try to be the strong one in the relationship like being the go to person for opening stubborn jars because it makes them feel more like they are needed. If a guy has a girlfriend who hides behind him in social situations then it may make him feel like he's her hero in a way. That's my logic anyhow. Also girls are under-diagnosed with autism which is almost certainly messing with the statistics.

I have two beautiful children with a man I was in a relationship with for 7 years. I have since come out as being gay but I had a very solid relationship aside from the sexual aspect being our only issue. I'm going to say that the children rearing is the easier of the two especially when dating NT partners but neither is easy for any person, you'll just have different types of issues and more frequency of issues from stressors and triggers but neither is even close to impossible. I am now completely in love with and engaged to an amazing and loyal NT partner. She knows I have issues, it takes even more work to maintain a healthy relationship with me, more patience and understanding on her part and more communicating my discomforts when I want to shut everything out and hide from me.... but when your heart is filled to overflowing, if you and your partner are committed and you are honest from day 1 about what you need, I believe the bumpy road and times of miscommunication are worth being loved like that. You just have to be comfortable enough to go out of your comfort zone long enough to fix it. Don't bottle or hide anything, take your time to process and then work it out.

Never had any guys I like like me back until I was at university. I'm now engaged and really happy.

Adding to what NorthWind has said I also have not found any reliable evidence that either gender of AS sufferers have better luck.

Being with an NT man has its difficulties as they don't seem to be as emotionally intuitive as NT women.

Also one piece of advise I lived by was "if someone truly likes you they will be nerous and make mistakes" those who are cocky and charming tend to be well practised

Last part could be because women are more likely to discuss problems and tend to see problems as worse than men do.

There is a really interesting paper that discusses similar things if your interested North

It could also mean that NT men in relationships with AS women don't complain on the internet when they have problems in their relationships--maybe they just dump the women and don't bother writing blog or forum posts about it. None of the men I have dated seemed interested in learning about my issues or getting help to learn how to be in a relationship with someone with a developmental disability.



Men who are relied upon by their women in social situations often feel put upon and pressured for it, not helpful and needed. This has been my experience as an AS woman dating NT men. They resent me not being a social butterfly, they resent me not knowing how to navigate social situations with their family and friends, they resent me not taking the lead in social situations and doing things like planning and leading social gatherings like dinner/holiday parties and the like.

Yes, that paper might be interesting.
That many women have a tendency to perceive problems as worse and discuss them more is very much in line with my personal experience with people irl, so not really surprising but the paper might nonetheless be pretty interesting.

Makes sense. Though I'd still rather someone just dumped me and moved on than someone hated me for the rest of their life telling the world what an awful relationship it was - especially if I didn't do anything out of malice or indifference but we simply weren't compatible.
But yes, I've personally met more women than men with a casual interest in psychology who would be willing to educate themselves about another persons psychological issues and if they are understanding people instead of people with anger issues or victim-complexes this could be beneficial for an aspie/NT relationship. (again, just personal experience not anything I know for a fact)




Probably both cases exist.
None of my parents is diagnosed but I suspect that my mother might be an aspie. My father isn't exactly a social butterfly either and he has some traits that are quite typical for aspies (quite extreme interests for example) but my guess is that he's probably NT. For him what mikeman said definitely is more true than what wilburforce said.
Generally I'd think that a lot of aspies are probably more compatible with introverted NTs than with extroverted NTs because an introverted person mightn't expect them to do that much socializing with basically strangers - but if it's an extroverted person who is helpful and likes to feel needed their extroversion mightn't be a problem for the aspie.

That is interesting because my last 4 NT relationships were with introverted NTs with their own disabilities ranging from anxiety to brain injury. My current girlfriend who is the most compatible match so far has a mood disorder from having PTSD as a child. I find that NT people who have other health issues and/or disabilities tend to accept what they don't understand a little better as well as having a more introverted social comfort level. Don't get me wrong, all relationships I have, have communication issues due to me not picking up on things or unaware of if I have offended someone; but my experience is that extroverted NTs don't seem to be as forgiving on social blunders and more likely to cut ties before getting serious. My extroverted NT relationships lasted no longer than 3 months and never went past dating, but my introverted ones were 7 years, 13 months and currently 5 months and were serious live-in commitments.

I am a 32 year old female Aspie and happily married.

I *did* have a hard time finding dates as a teenager, and I complained to my parents incessantly that I would NEVER find a guy (I wasn't diagnosed until later adulthood). However, when I found a guy that liked me, it all worked out in the end. He appreciates my directness, nerd traits, etc. There are some guys who don't like those things, but he does. Been together for years now, and married officially last month.

It can work. You just might have to be patient. I was 19 when I first met my dear one. And he does not mind taking the social lead and helping me out. He even helps me understand his sarcasm when I don't always get it at first ...

Apologres I meant I have a paper that was talking about similar things that the OP mentioned. But I genuinely thing both genders suffer but in different ways in dating.

Link here:

http://link.springer.com/article/10.100 ... 013-1985-6

I see; sorry I misunderstood this.
Thanks for the link

Unable to purchase that.

Can you summarize the gender-differing ways that Aspies suffer?

It starts with talking about how current methods for helping aspies are male focused as most research has been performed on males. Therefore female aspies may not benefit from it as they have different issues.

Then it discusses the ratio which is between 4:1 so 4 males for every one female aspie to 16:1 16 males for every female aspie.

Thats basically the intro

The main part is as follows:

- Females are less likely to be diagnosed correctly resulting in late life diagnosis
- Females with autism show stronger social skills in childhood and have fewe behavioural issues
- Females tend to mask their social impairments better than male aspies
- During adolescence their social skills are less developed than male aspies (the paper suggests this is due to late diagnosis and the masking of impairment)
- Females aspies are more likely to struggle with same sex friendships due to the complexity and emotional nature of female friendships.
- ASD girls are slower to react and process information that ASD males
- ASD girls are less able to maintain friendships than male counterparts

- Males (NT and Aspie) are more likely to show overt aggression during bullying. Females (NT and Aspie) are more likely to show 'relational agression' (such as gossiping, exclusion, rumours, ignoring, giggling, eye-rolling etc.) which Aspies are less likely to notice. Because of this Aspie females are often bullied in a psychological and less obvious fashion (As females often target females)

- There are higher rates of social isolation and mental health problems (depression, eating disoders, anxiety) among Female Aspies

- Female Aspies feel more isolated because they are less common in a group that is already less common (being autistic is uncommon and being female in the autistic group is uncommon)

- Females aspies were shown to be less interested in fashion

- Its discussed at one point about how Aspies have little discretion about private intimate matters and how girls that are aspies may be more prone to being victims of abuse or exploitation than male aspies (which was backed up by a differen study that estimated between 16-25% of aspies suffer sexual abuse which i found quite suprising) although the paper does mention that male Aspies are at an increased risk compared to both NT genders

- It was discussed that sexual urges are more difficult to control for male aspies



I would like to finish off by saying this paper is about the struggles of aspie females so wont discuss what males struggle more with or females find easier. This paper also in no way suggests male aspies do not suffer just as badly in anyway it just highlights what females find a bit more difficult, there are likely thing males aspies find more difficult than female aspies.