Shutdowns/Meltdowns

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What do your shutdowns/meltdowns look like? How to you qualify them?

My meltdowns are usually an explosion that seems angry, but is actually based in a sense of fear and panic.

I feel trapped, confused and overwhelmed, and usually end up shouting. At my worst, I will hit an inanimate object (namely, a door, as I'm usually on my way to escape the situation).

Fortunately, these very rarely happen. And, I'm learning to manage them even better by using a stress ball when I feel that I'm in a situation that could lead to one. I always felt that they came on without warning, but my husband mentioned that he can tell I'm getting stressed because I flap my hands by my side. So, I'm more aware now that they are not the sudden explosion that I thought they were and I may have time to keep them under control a bit. But, to me, they often still feel like they hit me out of nowhere - like I'm coping one minute, and the next I'm very far past coping.

These tend to occur in situations where I can't work out what to do and feel stressed trying to work it out. I don't tend to have them on my own or around anyone but my husband, and they're generally triggered by him trying to find a good solution for me. He tries to help, but his questions make things worse because they provide even more that I need to think about when my head's already in chaos.

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My shutdowns are like I disconnect from the world. I get extremely tired very suddenly. I feel very heavy. I can barely speak and it takes a lot of effort to do so. I can still hear people talking, but if I'm asked a question I can't even find a way to formulate a simple response because it's like my brain isn't properly connected to my mouth. They're sort of a zombie state.

These are more common with me and happen in a wider range of circumstances. Usually, busy places. Sometimes, at home when there is a task that I need to face and can't work out, but don't have the outside influence of someone trying to help (as that's what can make me feel trapped and push it to a meltdown).

These take a long time to recover from and are difficult, but to me they're far more preferable to a meltdown because I don't risk upsetting anyone else with them.

My husband has learned to identify these now, because he says that I walk in slow motion when I'm in shutdown mode.

At home, I've always controlled these (including long before I knew what they were) by avoiding the situations that cause them. That can make me feel lazy, as it means that I struggle to tackle a lot of basic household tasks and they end up being left to my wonderful husband. Out and about, they're not so easy to control as sometimes I have to be in busy places and I just need to deal with it.

I have never had a meltdown, to my knowledge. Maybe a partial meltdown: a period of intense panic, fear and restlessness for no apparent reason. Stimming helps.

Shutdowns happen to me if I have had to interact constantly over a period of time, when exhibiting at a conference etc. I get very tired, slightly irritable, and don't want to interact with anybody. Even if it's daytime I feel like going to sleep. My shutdowns come on very quickly. Before I will be quite animated, and enjoy my job, but I will suddenly just feel very tired, and want to be alone and at home.