What else do women want out of a relationship?

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K_Kelly
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24 Dec 2016, 12:47 am

1. My issue. I'm feeling more and more like driving is beyond my capability. I may be speculating, but I don't think I'll ever be able to pay attention to what's on the road. I'm afraid of losing control of the vehicle too. How can I convince my parents to let me give it a shot? And what can I do for backup if learning to drive does not work?

How do I convince my mom that I can't rely on public transportation? I'm a bit mad because she is being stubbornly over-optimistic about everything.



RetroGamer87
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24 Dec 2016, 5:21 am

I was never forbidden to drive. I had the opposite problem. I didn't start driving until I was 19 and then my grandfather was shaming me because I didn't start at 16. He told me how my cousin (nearly the same age as me) started at 16 and now my younger cousins are all starting at 16. So I'm the only one in the family (besides my mother) who was older than 16. So according to my family, I'm lazy because I didn't take my test when I was still 16.

Just be glad that you don't live in a family full of perfect overachievers who shame you for not being an overachiever like them.


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hurtloam
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24 Dec 2016, 7:02 am

K_Kelly wrote:
1. My issue. I'm feeling more and more like driving is beyond my capability. I may be speculating, but I don't think I'll ever be able to pay attention to what's on the road. I'm afraid of losing control of the vehicle too. How can I convince my parents to let me give it a shot? And what can I do for backup if learning to drive does not work?

How do I convince my mom that I can't rely on public transportation? I'm a bit mad because she is being stubbornly over-optimistic about everything.


I have a co-worker who can't drive. When we visit clients I have to drive. He is married. You don't need to drive.

When I got my first job I couldn't drive. I had to get up really early and walk to the train station and get the train to the town I worked in and then I had to walk for half an hour to get to the office which was in an industrial estate on the outskirts of town.

When I got a job in another town my Dad was willing to get up earlier and drive me to a different train station out of town which linked to the town I worked in.

I don't know where you are and how bad the public transport is, but the best way to use it is to get up earlier and get the earlier bus just in case the later bus is running late. Public transport sucks, but if you are willing to work with it you can use it as a step up.

When it comes to driving lessons, the first lesson is never out on an open road. It will be in a quiet industrial estate or quiet country road. The first lesson isn't dangerous and if you get an instructor with a dual control car then they can stop the vehicle at any time and keep you safe. They won't know if you can drive until you give it a go.

Offer a compromise, tell them you want to give it a go and get them to talk to the instructor about your progress. The intructor does this every day. He/She will be able to gauge how your progress is going and advise on how realistic it is for you to pass your test.

But even though public transport is inconvenient I don't see that as an adequate excuse. You just have to work with it. Life isn't easy and you don't get things handed to you on a plate.



hurtloam
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24 Dec 2016, 7:11 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Um, yes. You're overlooking a lot of less superficial things. Personality, sense of humour, interest in her, attraction to her, being a good listener, being intelligent, being able to carry a conversation, having some sort of talent/skill she appreciates etc.


This!

Being a good listener means listening to and understanding what the other person is telling you and asking for clarification when you don't understand. It means trying to understand. What it doesn't mean is being quiet and not interacting even though you can hear all the words. Just hearing words isn't true listening.

Being able to carry a conversation is important too (I know because it's my weakness). People, unless they are boring narccissits, want someone they can interact with and enjoy talking to with an equal back and fro.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Dec 2016, 8:05 am

^ and what about the kidneys?



goldfish21
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24 Dec 2016, 1:03 pm

My twin brother doesn't drive. He lives with his girlfriend. He CAN drive, heck, he was a professional materials handler for a while driving very large forklifts in a lumber yard w/ speed and precision - he's ok on private property in a controlled environment.. but on the road he's far too anxious to ever drive. He can't handle the responsibility of operating a car as he worries about the possibility of killing someone if he makes a lethal mistake. I pointed out that I'd rather have that control in my hands than relinquish it to someone else as a passenger - but that still doesn't change his mind any. He did have a learners licence a couple of times and drive a few minutes but really disliked it.

I used to bug him about it a lot simply because when we were fighting it was a hot button issue I could piss him off with. :D I haven't for years now, though, as we've grown up and all that.

It's also ironic that his world is limited to public transit and a few cabs here, but with his career in the travel industry over the last decade he's visited probably more than 2 dozen countries on cruise ships all over the globe. I prefer the freedom a car provides & also have never been really anxious about it.. I haven't been the best driver at times when my ADHD/ASD traits were stronger and screwed me over, though.. but thankfully all I wrecked were cars and never injured myself badly or anyone else at all.

His girlfriend has a car, but they both take the train to work, movies, and restaurants almost always and she just drives it mostly on weekends for family visits. She doesn't particularly like driving, either, especially in the dark and rain.

Heck, my mother's cousin (who I believe has mild ASD traits, very mild compared to his older half brother), is a successful downtown condo realtor and he hasn't owned a car for probably 10 years or more now. He takes his clients on walking tours of neighbourhoods - which works, because MOST people who live in those buildings do not own cars these days anyways. At best they have a car share program membership. Most downtown dwellers don't have cars for one reason: Money. It's extremely difficult to afford rent/mortgage AND a car/parking space, so, there's a generation of city people who never buy cars now.

A lot of REALLY rich folks can't be bothered to spend their time driving. They have drivers and they use their time to conduct business from the back seat.

Cars help a LOT, but they're not essential if you're resourceful and can manage to get around via public transit/taxis. Depending on where you live, this might be perfectly acceptable to your date or significant other. Where I live in the suburbs a car is almost essential (although my sister and her husband who live several blocks away do not drive by choice/anxiety, but it severely limits their transportation options and lengthens their commutes to ridiculous times) so if I didn't have a car dating out here would be a challenge.. especially dating someone in the city as I am now, because my 40 minute drive would become a 2.5h or so transit commute each way. But living in the city much closer to a train station like my brother does it isn't the end of the world not to drive.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ and what about the kidneys?


:lol: Yes, Boo, kidneys, too. :P


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compdude787
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24 Dec 2016, 3:40 pm

hurtloam wrote:
When it comes to driving lessons, the first lesson is never out on an open road. It will be in a quiet industrial estate or quiet country road.


Yeah, the first time I drove was in a really big parking lot that got little use. Then I drove on a road out in the mountains that was little used (it was a paved two lane county road, but it had a gate at one end at the time), and I was a bit nervous prior to doing that. It was pretty easy though. And then I drove on some roads in a cemetery on several different occasions. Then, my parents had me practice driving up a hill on a side street, and then they decided to have me drive the rest of the way home. So yeah, my parents definitely eased me into driving.