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How do some people get partners so easily?

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Kiprobalhato
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14 Jan 2017, 1:09 am

Thank you all for getting this thread back on track, in a way.


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RetroGamer87
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14 Jan 2017, 1:15 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
The truth is you need to have something more than just being nice or existing to get people interested in you.
Who says I'm nice? :lol:

I'm fit, funny, charming, tall and well paid. I'm many things but I'm not nice :D

How are you social skills? Confidence? Do you show confidence even when you aren't feel confident?

Social skills are important. I mean I was always "attractive" (I'm not my type but I do get compliments a lot and hit on a lot) so I still got attention, but few people wanted to stick around once they realized how awkward and blunt I was. I've gotten way better at being nice and thinking before speaking and like small talk.

I've also become more confident and that seems to help too.
My social skills are generally good except for reading body language, etc. I'm not overly anxious but I still have a little trouble starting conversations with strangers at parties, etc.

Yes I do show confidence. Especially when I don't feel confident. I don't really open up about my fears to people IRL in less I know them quite well.

On dates I try to be extra confident and extra positive.


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lidsmichelle
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14 Jan 2017, 6:51 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
The truth is you need to have something more than just being nice or existing to get people interested in you.
Who says I'm nice? :lol:

I'm fit, funny, charming, tall and well paid. I'm many things but I'm not nice :D

How are you social skills? Confidence? Do you show confidence even when you aren't feel confident?

Social skills are important. I mean I was always "attractive" (I'm not my type but I do get compliments a lot and hit on a lot) so I still got attention, but few people wanted to stick around once they realized how awkward and blunt I was. I've gotten way better at being nice and thinking before speaking and like small talk.

I've also become more confident and that seems to help too.
My social skills are generally good except for reading body language, etc. I'm not overly anxious but I still have a little trouble starting conversations with strangers at parties, etc.

Yes I do show confidence. Especially when I don't feel confident. I don't really open up about my fears to people IRL in less I know them quite well.

On dates I try to be extra confident and extra positive.

If you have trouble reading body language could you possibly be missing body language indicating interest? I honestly can't stress enough how important it is to teach yourself to better understand body language, tone of voice, and how people say things.


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RetroGamer87
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14 Jan 2017, 7:00 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
The truth is you need to have something more than just being nice or existing to get people interested in you.
Who says I'm nice? :lol:

I'm fit, funny, charming, tall and well paid. I'm many things but I'm not nice :D

How are you social skills? Confidence? Do you show confidence even when you aren't feel confident?

Social skills are important. I mean I was always "attractive" (I'm not my type but I do get compliments a lot and hit on a lot) so I still got attention, but few people wanted to stick around once they realized how awkward and blunt I was. I've gotten way better at being nice and thinking before speaking and like small talk.

I've also become more confident and that seems to help too.
My social skills are generally good except for reading body language, etc. I'm not overly anxious but I still have a little trouble starting conversations with strangers at parties, etc.

Yes I do show confidence. Especially when I don't feel confident. I don't really open up about my fears to people IRL in less I know them quite well.

On dates I try to be extra confident and extra positive.

If you have trouble reading body language could you possibly be missing body language indicating interest? I honestly can't stress enough how important it is to teach yourself to better understand body language, tone of voice, and how people say things.
That's entirely possible. Is there some way I can learn?


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WantToHaveALife
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27 Feb 2017, 11:01 pm

they probably had good social-skills upbringing



RetroGamer87
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28 Feb 2017, 2:34 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
they probably had good social-skills upbringing
Possibly. It always confounds me how people can lack booksmarts and still be skilled at winning arguments and picking up girls.


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Sometime World
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28 Feb 2017, 10:19 am

Its strongly linked with being attractive as a guy and being a healthy weight as a woman. An attractive guy would have to be a mute to not be able to get girls, and even as a mute some girl(s) will encourage him to come out of his shell.

Ugly guys and very fat girls will always struggle to form relationships with the people they want. They face more shunning and Social Rejection.


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RetroGamer87
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28 Feb 2017, 4:07 pm

That would explain why the only girl who really wanted me (for a while) was a fat girl. She was slightly desperate for a boyfriend. Are we faited to only date girls who were rejected by mainstream men?

I want a girl who'll love me for me, not because I was the only guy she could get.


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hurtloam
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01 Mar 2017, 1:41 am

Sometime World wrote:
Its strongly linked with being attractive as a guy and being a healthy weight as a woman. An attractive guy would have to be a mute to not be able to get girls, and even as a mute some girl(s) will encourage him to come out of his shell.

Ugly guys and very fat girls will always struggle to form relationships with the people they want. They face more shunning and Social Rejection.


No. Attractive people with bad social skills often tend to be alone as well.



RetroGamer87
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01 Mar 2017, 2:22 am

hurtloam wrote:
Sometime World wrote:
Its strongly linked with being attractive as a guy and being a healthy weight as a woman. An attractive guy would have to be a mute to not be able to get girls, and even as a mute some girl(s) will encourage him to come out of his shell.

Ugly guys and very fat girls will always struggle to form relationships with the people they want. They face more shunning and Social Rejection.


No. Attractive people with bad social skills often tend to be alone as well.


We're doomed! :(


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314pe
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01 Mar 2017, 2:41 am

Of course AS is a major disadvantage, but you're not doomed. You can work on yourself in other fields.



RetroGamer87
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01 Mar 2017, 2:53 am

What does it matter if I get good in other fields yet still have poor social skills?


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314pe
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02 Mar 2017, 2:21 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
What does it matter if I get good in other fields yet still have poor social skills?

Every thing matters. You told us yourself how a better job improved your dating.



RetroGamer87
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03 Mar 2017, 5:28 pm

314pe wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
What does it matter if I get good in other fields yet still have poor social skills?
Every thing matters. You told us yourself how a better job improved your dating.
True.

The job improved rate of replies on dating sites, leading to more dates.

Unfortunately it did not lead to dates from girls I met without using a dating site because even if I have a good job, the requirement for better social skills than I now possess to date girls without using a dating site is unavoidable.


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BTDT
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03 Mar 2017, 5:38 pm

The way you get better social skills is to practice. I got a ton of practice this past weekend at a flower show helping out a club I belong to. Every bit helps! I was even able to make a graceful early exit, escorting another member out to the car with some stuff she couldn't carry. We even parked closed together! Even though it was a big multilevel parking lot!



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03 Mar 2017, 6:13 pm

ya its difficult to not feel sympathy and empathy for the late Elliot Rodger and George Sodini sometimes, even though i would never go as far as to what they did