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Voynich
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

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Joined: 31 Oct 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 95
Location: UK

22 Dec 2016, 4:55 pm

I could have sworn I saw a thread a couple of weeks ago on the subject of taking an instant dislike to just about everyone, but I can't find it. It had a title about hating people. The search function on Wrong planet doesn't seem to give any advanced options (am I missing something?).
So I'll recreate it. Maybe I imagined it.

Do you find you tend to take a strong dislike to new people in your life, or strangers generally? For particular, common things or maybe no apparent reason. A very strong dislike or mistrust, as if automatically?

I very strongly assume the worst in people. Only a very specific sort of person, who is very rare and especially kind, does not give me a strong feeling of aversion. Like an urge to be very critical. I dislike the majority of people. At the same time, I find it very hard to hate people if they communicate directly with me. I am very bad at showing my dislike for anyone. I can't tell if this is a good thing, or a kind of cowardice. I worry sometimes that this makes me dishonest, but I find basic politeness automatic, and it overrides thoughts I've had about any particular person at another time. I can despise someone “in theory” for any or everything about their manner and character, but as soon as they address me personally, so long as they are civil, I find that feeling fades away – temporarily.
It reminds me directly of a very simple, but accurate aphorism of one of my favourite figures, Giacomo Leopardi:

"No man is ever so completely disillusioned by the world, or has so thoroughly gauged it, or is so irreconcilably disgusted with it, but that, if the world suddenly smiles on him, he will insensibly undergo a partial reconciliation to it.
So no man is in our opinion such a scoundrel but that, if he politely takes off his hat to us, he will appear not such a scoundrel after all. This reflection serves to illustrate the weakness of human nature; not to justify either the world or the scoundrel.
"

One decent word after ages of unpleasantness from someone, and I'm totally disarmed for a little while. It can be frustrating. I suppose it helps avoid causing more unpleasantness.



Exuvian
Veteran
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Joined: 16 Aug 2016
Age: 40
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22 Dec 2016, 7:04 pm

You're lucky! I have the opposite problem. I tend to assume an uncritical favorable attitude towards almost everyone and several times have gotten "burned" for it.

Voynich wrote:
One decent word after ages of unpleasantness from someone, and I'm totally disarmed for a little while. It can be frustrating. I suppose it helps avoid causing more unpleasantness.

I can relate more to this. I can almost never maintain a grudge very long even when double-crossed. It may sound weird, but I wish I could.