Help I'm confused on cleaning???

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zeldapsychology
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08 Jan 2017, 7:14 pm

Some days my family cleans OMG! pick up this that this that clean up clean up! Where does this go that go! OMG! all you do is play video games all day OMG! OMG! you sleep til 10 while we work OMG!

Yet some nights (tonight) I'm in a cleaning "mood" and it's OMG! go play a game go relax! Go surf the internet! OMG OMG! go to your room!

Some weekends OMG! mom mopping OMG! did you mop this week! OMG OMG! (some weeks I mop others I don't for reference).

Yet I go play a video game ON MY TIME WHEN I WANT TO!

OMG ALL YOU DID WAS PLAY MARIO ALL DAY! While those days I at least did some laundry or dishes or clean the bathrooms.

So I get into cleaning moods when they I guess just clean normally expect me to clean DAILY! I don't have OCD cleaning is a CHOICE BEHAVIOR! If I CHOOSE to go play my game THAT'S MY CHOICE! If I CHOOSE to clean house THAT'S MY CHOICE!! !! ! :-(

Yet later this week if I choose "hey I'll play a few Mario levels and 1 load of clothes it'll be OMG THE HOUSE IS DIRTY WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY YOU DIDN'T CLEAN!

:-(

So confused on the messaging!



Ashariel
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09 Jan 2017, 1:17 pm

That does sound very confusing!

Maybe ask them to help you write down a cleaning schedule, so everyone agrees on what is a fair and expected amount? That way as long as you do your agreed-upon chores, what you do in your free time is your business.



League_Girl
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10 Jan 2017, 12:54 pm

Cleaning IS a daily thing. It's not an OCD thing. Dishes need to be done everyday and sweeping and vacuuming and taking out the trash if it's full. Sounds like your parents just wants you to contribute to the home. Like if you see the sink is full of dirty dishes, it would be a good idea to just voluntarily do them so the first thing you do is check the dishwasher to see if the dishes in it are clean or dirty. If they are clean, you put them away and put in the dirty ones and if it's full, you put soap in it and turn it on. If you see the counters needs to be wiped, it would be good to wipe them just so your parents will be proud.

Also is it possible to tell your parents what cleaning you have done that day so they know and not assume you did nothing that day? Or you can start making a list of chores you have done and put it where they can see it so they know what you have done that day? Like tell them what you have done in the bathroom or tell them what clothes you have washed and what you did with them like if you ever put them in the dryer or folded them and put them away.

Also people don't just choose to clean, they have to clean because it's part of daily living but I think I know what you mean, you want to clean in your own time frame, not under your parents time frame. You want to clean when you feel it needs to be done like is there enough dirty linen for you to decide it should be done or if there are enough dirty dishes in the sink for them to be washed or if the toilet is dirty enough for you to decide it needs to be cleaned.


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BuyerBeware
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10 Jan 2017, 2:36 pm

Sounds to me like it has to do with what they're doing vs. what you're doing. What they want to have done, when they want it.

Easiest way to live with people is to do what they want, when they want, how they want. It's very disempowering and tends to lead to being apathetic in the absence of specific marching orders, but it reduces friction and you would be amazed at how often they leave you alone if you just do what they want, when and how they want it done.


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arielhawksquill
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11 Jan 2017, 7:10 pm

It sucks that your family yells at you for cleaning around them when they are home. My ex used to get irritable when I'd clean around him--he said it made him feel lazy when he was trying to relax after work. :( Maybe your "cleaning moods" are just badly timed with their relaxation time? In their minds, you have the whole day while they are at work to accomplish those tasks, and would prefer your shared family time to be restful. That's why they shame you for "playing Mario all day" when it's your choice.