Asked a girl to Starbucks, told she was married

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MagicKnight
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26 Jan 2017, 12:56 pm

Alliekit wrote:
Um why would she think that about you from that response. My thought process would be "he clearly wants somethings else so mevermind"


You're completely right to assume that and your thoughts are very honest on this, but from my experience I can't see the reason why *all* the unmarried women I've met under similar circumstances just happened to be waiting for their husbands, boyfriends, fiancees, distant cousins, accountants, unicorns from seventh dimension, <insert excuse here>. All of them. There was but one exception if I recall correctly.

Not to mention this: a girl tells me "no thanks" because she's married. A friend of mine tries the same move five minutes later and picks up the girl.

I must be a darn disgusting man to talk to and look at, eh? :lol:



MagicKnight
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26 Jan 2017, 1:01 pm

AngelRho wrote:
whether she's lying or not, what do you even care what she thinks or what she has to say? No, that's not the kind of psycho I want to be involved with.


Hi.

Totally agree and that's the whole point for me. "Goodbye, have a nice life". End of. She's not obliged to walk hand in hand with me because I thought it'd be awesome. In fact from what she acts like, it wouldn't!

AngelRho wrote:
Wrt alliekit, I hate that you have to put up with garbage like that. Guys like that ruin it for the rest us.


Oh wait, hope you're not saying I'm garbage are you?



TheSpectrum
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26 Jan 2017, 1:06 pm

No, MK, they're just saying they're married.
It's far less awkward :)


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Sweetleaf
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26 Jan 2017, 1:08 pm

MagicKnight wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Also, why are you so convinced she isn't actually married more often than not when people say they are in a relationship they are in a relationship...and people should respect that.


Hi.

Yes people should respect that, totally. I don't mean one should yell at the woman "heeelll no way you flipping liar of a cooooww cut the crap and dieeee". There's no need for aggro. I just mean they're lying most of the time in situations like that.

Sweetleaf wrote:
It is pretty annoying when you tell someone you're already in a relationship and they refuse to believe you and act angry/irritated


It's pure annoying, aye. Know why? Because when people become aware that we know they're lying, it's embarrassingly unbearable to them.

But again... showing them that we know isn't strictly required. In fact doing that could be extremely impolite. My response to situations like that is: "married... okay, see you around, have a nice day".


What makes you think women are usually lying in situations like that? I challenge that assertion and say usually they are probably being honest.

Also I am saying its annoying when you are dating someone or in a LTR, and you let someone trying to ask you out romantically know that you're already in a relationship and they get pissed off at you because they assume you're lying. I am talking about when the person is being honest they are in a relationship...



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26 Jan 2017, 1:21 pm

Outrider wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
MagicKnight wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Also, why are you so convinced she isn't actually married more often than not when people say they are in a relationship they are in a relationship...and people should respect that.


Hi.

Yes people should respect that, totally. I don't mean one should yell at the woman "heeelll no way you flipping liar of a cooooww cut the crap and dieeee". There's no need for aggro. I just mean they're lying most of the time in situations like that.

Sweetleaf wrote:
It is pretty annoying when you tell someone you're already in a relationship and they refuse to believe you and act angry/irritated


It's pure annoying, aye. Know why? Because when people become aware that we know they're lying, it's embarrassingly unbearable to them.

But again... showing them that we know isn't strictly required. In fact doing that could be extremely impolite. My response to situations like that is: "married... okay, see you around, have a nice day".


Um no its annoying because some of us are actually in a relationship and being accused of being liars is annoying :roll:


I think it's rude of them to do that, but I will point out it is true many women will say this to deter a man from speaking to her anymore if she's not interested, which I think is perfectly okay to do as long as she says it after he asked her out and not as soon as he tries talking to her (at a bar this is ok imo or if you're in a hurry or the man is being creepy/rude/aggressive but saying "I have a boyfriend" to a guy if he just says "Hello, how are you?" for example at day time at a cafe or something seems a bit unnecessary to me. Not rude or cruel, but sort of jumping to conclusions, so to speak.

Lol, I remember a youtube video of Andrew Hails approaching women and as soon as they said they have a boyfriend, he'd ask 'What's his name?'.

I might try and pull that trick just for the lulz, and if they hesitate to respond or can't think quickly on the spot, playfully tease them "Ahhh, you hesitated a bit there." then kindly say "I still think you do have one, but even if you don't I respect your wishes, and I'll leave you be." then do just that.

Would you consider this a perfectly fine thing for a guy to do if he approaches you outside of a bar situation?


Well yeah it certainly makes sense to wait till they say their intentions, maybe they are just trying to be friendly or maybe they want to tell me they like whatever metal band shirt I am wearing if they like the band on it. I would certainly wait till after the express intentions and that is what I did the time this happened to me.

Also, I probably wouldn't mind if they joked about hesitation, so long as they aren't being pushy or acting pissed off...basically it was the anger at me and absolute refusal to believe I wasn't available that bothered me, it was certainly a bit creepy.



MagicKnight
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26 Jan 2017, 1:47 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
What makes you think women are usually lying in situations like that? I challenge that assertion and say usually they are probably being honest.


I'm not "asserting". Those women all revealed the lies by contradicting themselves during the rest of the (brief) conversation or worse, I knew about the girls beforehand and they thought they could get away with a lie because they didn't know that I knew about them.

That's my experience! So you're saying that I've not been spurned all my life, it's all in my head, that they were not lying? This is becoming more like a "let's defend the poor honest girls on Earth and bash the oppressive male"!

That's how all those women now sound to me. They want me to believe their crap and once I don't buy it, they become very frustrated and try to convince me with words like that. "No wait, how can you assume? Are you thinking this straight? How can you be so sure?"

Yes I am pretty sure! Sorry if I can't believe you all but I don't!

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also I am saying its annoying when you are dating someone or in a LTR, and you let someone trying to ask you out romantically know that you're already in a relationship and they get pissed off at you because they assume you're lying. I am talking about when the person is being honest they are in a relationship...


Yes that's absolutely annoying and I agree. I've been there too. There was this girl in my postgrad *who knew* I had a gf and anyway kept on asking me out, at times with most explicit invitations to get laid, to which - believe it or not - I had to say "no" more than once... and at some point she responded to that by angrily throwing objects at my head! How's that to speak of an annoying thing?

I'm not saying people should be rude to one another. I'm saying that women in those situations they lie. I fail to see why there's a problem with my posts here... that's what women do more often than not *at least when it's me*! Sorry!



MagicKnight
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26 Jan 2017, 1:52 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
No, MK, they're just saying they're married.
It's far less awkward :)


I agree, mate.



Sweetleaf
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26 Jan 2017, 2:16 pm

MagicKnight wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
What makes you think women are usually lying in situations like that? I challenge that assertion and say usually they are probably being honest.


I'm not "asserting". Those women all revealed the lies by contradicting themselves during the rest of the (brief) conversation or worse, I knew about the girls beforehand and they thought they could get away with a lie because they didn't know that I knew about them.

That's my experience! So you're saying that I've not been spurned all my life, it's all in my head, that they were not lying? This is becoming more like a "let's defend the poor honest girls on Earth and bash the oppressive male"!

That's how all those women now sound to me. They want me to believe their crap and once I don't buy it, they become very frustrated and try to convince me with words like that. "No wait, how can you assume? Are you thinking this straight? How can you be so sure?"

Yes I am pretty sure! Sorry if I can't believe you all but I don't!

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also I am saying its annoying when you are dating someone or in a LTR, and you let someone trying to ask you out romantically know that you're already in a relationship and they get pissed off at you because they assume you're lying. I am talking about when the person is being honest they are in a relationship...


Yes that's absolutely annoying and I agree. I've been there too. There was this girl in my postgrad *who knew* I had a gf and anyway kept on asking me out, at times with most explicit invitations to get laid, to which - believe it or not - I had to say "no" more than once... and at some point she responded to that by angrily throwing objects at my head! How's that to speak of an annoying thing?

I'm not saying people should be rude to one another. I'm saying that women in those situations they lie. I fail to see why there's a problem with my posts here... that's what women do more often than not *at least when it's me*! Sorry!


I am not saying no one ever lies about having a boyfriend, my point is more it is rude to assume any women who says shes in a relationship is lying. I didn't say all your experiences are in your head, but I still disagree that women are 'usually' lying if they say they already have a boyfriend.

Also I am specifically talking about when dealing with strangers you don't know...not people you are aware of and know enough about to know if they're lying or not though, so do keep that in mind. Also could be that is a more common lie than I was aware....I just recall my frustration with being accused of that when I was in fact being honest and trying to do the right thing by not leading them on.



MagicKnight
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26 Jan 2017, 3:29 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
my point is more it is rude to assume


I understand your point, it's very clear. My point: I don't care if it sounds rude, really sorry if it sounds like that but I don't care. I spent all my life caring not to be rude while others never think twice. I don't give a flip! Most specially to women, I don't care if I sound rude with regards to that particular point! Want to know when women came to me to tell the truth? When they knew that the truth would ruthlessly destroy me. That's my life experience, it's nothing I made up. That's how I see women now.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also I am specifically talking about when dealing with strangers you don't know...


I'm talking about that situation as well among all the others. And yes, I see nothing wrong on telling a white lie to dismiss a stranger. So what?

Sweetleaf wrote:
I just recall my frustration with being accused of that when I was in fact being honest and trying to do the right thing by not leading them on.


That must have been really painful and it's in a heartfelt manner that I read that because as I said, I've been in a place like that as well... but sorry to insist: that happens because women resort to the "I am too busy now" and "maybe one day" tropes way too often. Anyway in these cases, a man should politely just leave. Making a fuzz while abusing the colourful words in the old dictionary is nothing we expect from a gentleman. Though there's nothing that could prevent a gentleman to think that the woman is lying.

Since the original poster isn't manifesting I think this thread looks pretty much dead to me and instead of ranting on and on about my bitterness towards past experiences, gathering enemies and people possibly thinking that I'm a stone-age misogynistic straight male ... I'll just pack it. I was about to send one more huge chunk of text but never mind, it was all becoming very tiresome.

Thank you all for your posts. I really, really enjoyed this. I'm just quitting before someone feels seriously offended for nothing. I become very passionate when expressing my points of view at times.



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26 Jan 2017, 4:25 pm

MagicKnight wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
whether she's lying or not, what do you even care what she thinks or what she has to say? No, that's not the kind of psycho I want to be involved with.


Hi.

Totally agree and that's the whole point for me. "Goodbye, have a nice life". End of. She's not obliged to walk hand in hand with me because I thought it'd be awesome. In fact from what she acts like, it wouldn't!

AngelRho wrote:
Wrt alliekit, I hate that you have to put up with garbage like that. Guys like that ruin it for the rest us.


Oh wait, hope you're not saying I'm garbage are you?

Heheh...I hope I'm not talking about you! No, I just mean the particularly brutal and aggressive ones out giving girls grief about their own bruised egos.



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26 Jan 2017, 5:46 pm

AngelRho wrote:
MagicKnight wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
whether she's lying or not, what do you even care what she thinks or what she has to say? No, that's not the kind of psycho I want to be involved with.


Hi.

Totally agree and that's the whole point for me. "Goodbye, have a nice life". End of. She's not obliged to walk hand in hand with me because I thought it'd be awesome. In fact from what she acts like, it wouldn't!

AngelRho wrote:
Wrt alliekit, I hate that you have to put up with garbage like that. Guys like that ruin it for the rest us.


Oh wait, hope you're not saying I'm garbage are you?

Heheh...I hope I'm not talking about you! No, I just mean the particularly brutal and aggressive ones out giving girls grief about their own bruised egos.


It's awful sometimes I mainly have issues with drunk guys to be fair. I had this guy once that jsut would not leave me alone even after I showed him my (at the time) promise ring.

Another guy (before I was in a relationship) would not let go of my hand after I said "I'm not looking for anything and am here with friends" (which was the truth). Like I've said I hate strangers touching me and it really freaked me out, I was proper panicking



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26 Jan 2017, 6:24 pm

Alliekit wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
MagicKnight wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
whether she's lying or not, what do you even care what she thinks or what she has to say? No, that's not the kind of psycho I want to be involved with.


Hi.

Totally agree and that's the whole point for me. "Goodbye, have a nice life". End of. She's not obliged to walk hand in hand with me because I thought it'd be awesome. In fact from what she acts like, it wouldn't!

AngelRho wrote:
Wrt alliekit, I hate that you have to put up with garbage like that. Guys like that ruin it for the rest us.


Oh wait, hope you're not saying I'm garbage are you?

Heheh...I hope I'm not talking about you! No, I just mean the particularly brutal and aggressive ones out giving girls grief about their own bruised egos.


It's awful sometimes I mainly have issues with drunk guys to be fair. I had this guy once that jsut would not leave me alone even after I showed him my (at the time) promise ring.

Another guy (before I was in a relationship) would not let go of my hand after I said "I'm not looking for anything and am here with friends" (which was the truth). Like I've said I hate strangers touching me and it really freaked me out, I was proper panicking

My philosophy is "when in doubt, DON'T." Since I struggle to gauge that in women, I either wait until a later stage of familiarity with someone or until she initiates physical contact.

For guys, one issue is that certain types of relationships are fluid. Maybe she WANTS a NSA one-nighter. And it's that kind of mentality it sounds like you've fought off before. At one point in my dating life I seemed to attract the kinds of girls who were just looking for an excuse to get away from their bfs or fiances. As a rule, it's best to just respect the relationships of others.