Embarrassing things you used to do that you were unaware of
It's hard to explain why I did rather, seeing images of things playing out in my mind where I would use my hands to somehow illustrate those actions if that makes sense?
I've always "talked " with my hands too. I gather that it was amusing when I was young, but sometimes now I'm embarrassed.
Where to start? I used to pick at the skin of one of the teachers feet when I was 5, until she told me off. I also picked at my head, which made it itchy, walked with a stoop, to avoid looking in people's eyes and refused to wear deoderant because I couldn't stand the smell (which meant people couldn't stand my smell as a teenager!).
I experience a few types of synesthesia, and I learned, through being teased/humiliated by other children, that my responses to some stimuli, were considered 'abnormal'. An example I could give is that, colors provoke olfactory sensations for me, and olfactory sensations provoke certain emotions. I smell colors, and would naturally express how an object, or, simply drawing or painting with particular colors, would smell. If I found a scent particularly pleasing, I would be compelled to share the sensation with others. It was quite confusing to the world around me, however, a normal part of the neurological make-up of my brain. Some other types of synesthesia that have effected other's perceptions of me, are induced by music, which has been a significant part of my life and my being. I lived in shame, and hid significant aspects of my (authentic) self, throughout my childhood, and I developed coping mechanisms, which basically, consisted of hiding the traits that would appear to be exclusive to me.
Another aspect of myself that would cause me to feel embarrassed or ashamed, were facial and vocal tics. They became significant when riding on the school bus, and, I would literally depleat all of my energy, keeping them under wraps, until I'd arrive home, and have massive tic oubursts. Tics became a rarity in my early twenties, and at this juncture I only experience them when over-tired and/ or anxious to a significant degree.
I stutter when low on mental energy or simply unable to come up with words to express myself, and, interestingly, I have never noticed a reaction to it, though, it can cause me to analyze the heck out of how I may appear in a conversation.
I have always jumped up and down, as the result of feeling extreme happiness/exuberance/ excitement, which became a major embarrassment inducing trait in adolescence, due to it's socially unacceptable nature. I only ever receive positive responses to this trait, these days, however.
Chewing the hairs off my hands and arms. I chewed all hair that I could possibly reach, which is to a point somewhere on the upper arm. It looked like I simply didn't have hair on my arms and hands. I also chewed the hairs off my knees and legs where I could reach with my mouth. I did this in public as discreetly as possible, but I know this was not very successful but I could not help doing it. If anything it made me look paranoid and secretive as if involved in some sort of crime. I felt very ashamed of it but completely controlled by it. It stopped when I got a job that involved a lot of physical effort. This distracted me and I realized one day I had stopped chewing my body hair.
More recently I realized I have developed a habit of blowing air out of my nose when I walk past people. If in a crowded place, I will move towards the least busy area because of human body odours. I don't like strong deoderants and perfumes but it is mostly natural body odours. The worst is a bad body odour mingled with deoderant or perfume. Blowing air out of my nostrils helps to get rid of the smell but what I did not realize was that I was doing it all the time and loudly enough for people to notice. After doing that enough times, someone asked me if I didn't like the way they smelled. It was terribly embarrassing and I began self monitoring and realized what I was doing. I am currently in the process of trying to stop the habit.
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On a clear day you can see forever
I probably have all kinds of stims I do subconsciously. The biggest one is probably echolalia and palilalia. I'll repeat things that others or myself have said over and over without realizing it, though I'm generally pretty good at catching myself when I'm doing it.
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My official diagnoses:
.Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
.General Anxiety Disorder
¡Viva el autista!
Not embarrassed but ashamed... I used to take my loved ones for granted, as a kid, teen and even early 20's... I'm ashamed thinking about it now and wish I could do some things different.
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When I was 13-14 I used to make embarrassing things in woodwork ("shop class" in American). I had a spare piece of wood left over so I drilled holes in it, big enough to fit crayons into them, and wrote "Jo's crayon holder" on the wood. The other kids in the class weren't horrible kids, and they had a look at my creation but I could tell they only pretended to admire it, because, really, it was a weird thing for a teenager to make.
Also in woodwork we all had to make a clock each, but I was so lazy, that I just got a square piece of wood, drilled a hole in the middle to put in the mechanisms and the hands (which were already provided by the school), and just drew some poorly-drawn lions straight on to the wood. So obviously I was finished first.
Normally I was very creative and took a lot of time in arty projects, but for some reason I didn't put much effort into my clock, and I wish I had.
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When I was in school part of the syllabus was to make a pen / pencil / crayon holder.
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BirdInFlight
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I too did something to do with my hair in school -- I used to sit in class leaning on my desk with my head bent, stroking my hair over and over. I wasn't aware of doing it until the teacher actually publicly humiliated me for it one day. He stopped what he was saying in the lesson, pointed me out to the whole class and said in a mocking tone: "Oh my beautiful hair, my beautiful hair! I love my hair!" The whole class burst out laughing.
The thing is, I wasn't thinking any such thing while doing this stroking. I don't know why I did it but my best guess now as an adult who can analyze it better, is that it was soothing to me -- it was quite plainly to me now, a stim I was using to self-soothe. I had a truckload of anxieties in school and this was one of many very odd coping skills I was clearly trying to employ.
Another thing I did in school was I developed a response to people's teasing of me that amounted to a "tic" almost. When people would say random things to me that were not nice, I couldn't "think on my feet" fast enough to give them a response, so I used to just roll my eyes and make the "tut" or "tsk" noise. It must have come across as horrible stuck up -- and people did call me stuck up. But I didn't actually intend to give that impression -- I just honestly could not find a way to respond in the case of negative verbal attacks and this was all I found myself defaulting to. I had massive social anxiety in that period of my life and resorted to trying to avoid school altogether even though I was academically okay.
When I was in school part of the syllabus was to make a pen / pencil / crayon holder.
Yes but others would have made pencil pots and things, but apparently crayons were looked upon as something little kids use, and to write on it in bold that's is my crayon holder, it just seems sad.
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lostonearth35
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When I was fifteen I was being interviewed for a newspaper article and I nearly humiliated my parents to death by telling the interviewer that I did the household chores while they went to work. I thought this made me sound like a good and responsible young woman, but to my parents I was making them look like a couple of neglectful slave-drivers. It wasn't until a few weeks later when I said something stupid I didn't mean to again that my mom lectured me for a good half-hour and told me I should know not to say such things at my age.
I also would often talk too loudly in public, especially when I got excited about something, and my parents and other people would tell me to lower my voice. Now they think something's not right when I'm being quiet.
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