What does a meltdown look like in an adult woman?

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Sofisol612
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28 Jun 2017, 6:35 pm

HoneyB33 wrote:
Your parents didn't tell you? That is so wrong. I'm sorry that's putting such stress on your trust of them.

When I think of how I have learned that I have AS at the age of 27--I think I'm kind of grateful that I didn't know when I was younger (This is 100% my personal opinion, and NO one needs to agree with me.) For me though, I wish I learned around 20. I think learning later in life really helped me to develop more true to myself. And I think if I had known when I was younger, I would have looked at myself as different, and even less. Because I had to fight so much to know that THIS was who I am (without knowing who that exactly was), I didn't feel like I was disabled or whatever. I think with the environment I was in as a child, knowing I had AS BEFORE I had the full adult mind to see it in a good light, I think it would have actually made me feel less than other ppl at the time.

I do wish that I could have learned around 20 though, because without knowing, I ended up seeing myself in some pretty bad light. My anger for example, in my meltdowns! I was so afraid that I was a bad partner or person because of it, but for me I NEED to explode when I need to explode. It's SO healthy for me. I'm learning to not THROW things, thank God. But screaming and punching things is so healthy for me.

I got in a really bad relationship in which the person slowly tried to convince me that I was abusive and basically a terrible person. Without knowing I had AS, it was really hard to have anything to stand on. I kind of self destructed for a few years, and in learning about AS I've slowly been able to take back the truth of who I am.

I think it's wrong what your parents did, and you have every reason to be upset with them. That information is CRAZY important to your wholeness and sanity. I am glad that you're figuring it out now, no thanks to them.


Thank you very much for your answer! I also think that knowing this information is important, so your post validates my feelings. And I'm glad you could find some answers through your diagnosis too.

I understand your point, and I also think that growing up undiagnosed may be better for self-confidence reasons, even though in my case it didn't work very well (my self-esteem is in my opinion lower even than my social skills, which are fairly acceptable by aspie standards). I think my parents did what they thought was the best for me, and I don't blame them for keeping it from me. However, it took me months to be able to trust them again, and I never found the courage to bring up the subject of my diagnosis. Instead, I tried to make them do it. I told my dad about a psychology homework I had to do for college that involved a text on the DSM, hoping, but not really believing, that it would help. And then, suddenly, without any more prompting, my father said "Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified. That is your diagnosis". And he told me all about it. (I think they told my sister I had AS because it was shorter and easier to explain to a child).

From that moment on, things have got better. I'm almost over my depression now, I haven't had any meltdowns for weeks and I'm beginning to trust my parents again. My life is still far from perfect and I'm still on the road of self-acceptance, but now I have more hope.


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Kinme
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02 Aug 2017, 11:33 pm

I had a meltdown about two or three weeks ago. I fell to the floor, sobbing, and felt nutty for a good 10 to 15 minutes. I kept having negative thoughts going through my head, and I wanted to run away from everything (also came with severe anxiety). I wanted to hide away from everybody, basically.



dragonsanddemons
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03 Aug 2017, 10:14 am

Meltdowns can definitely vary from person to person. What you describe certainly sounds like a meltdown. I have crying fits too. My body's reaction to any strong emotion is to cry, and I hate it, because it draws attention to me right when it's hardest for me to speak, and I want to be left alone, not have everyone asking me what's wrong. When I have a meltdown, sometimes I will hit myself, or ram my head into a pillow repeatedly, or lie on my bed/the floor and thrash around for a while (when this happens, any object small enough that I come in contact with will be thrown, as well). But more often, I have shutdowns instead, where I just become mostly oblivious to the outside world, and my brain kind of goes on "autopilot" (as in, I can still walk around, even getting to a place I've been to before - like classes when I was in school - without running into things or anything, but I'll have no recollection of doing so. Otherwise I'm pretty unresponsive when this happens.).


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29 Aug 2017, 2:58 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Meltdowns can definitely vary from person to person. What you describe certainly sounds like a meltdown. I have crying fits too. My body's reaction to any strong emotion is to cry, and I hate it, because it draws attention to me right when it's hardest for me to speak, and I want to be left alone, not have everyone asking me what's wrong.

I've been having exactly the same problem, only not knowing what caused these explosions of crying and as a child I tried to fit them to any acceptable cause... then, over the years, I learned to postpone the meltdowns, even silence them, mechanically acting "properly" and forcing myself not to feel anything at all. You can guess, how it interfered with my mental health :>

Now I just tell people I have a terrible headache and need to be alone in silence. Easy lie, but people understand this and they naturally act the right way.


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RightGalaxy
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18 Sep 2017, 9:11 pm

Sofisol612 wrote:
Hi everyone! My parents only told me last month that I had been diagnosed with Aspergers when I was a child, and have been doing some research on it since then.

The reason why I want to know about the meltdowns is because I've noticed that I'm prone to have uncontrollable "crying fits" when I get stressed or frustrated. Sometimes I stifle a shriek and, if I'm at home, I run to my room and hit a pillow until I get exhausted. Is this how meltdown look like in women? Is this normal?


Yes. Not only is that normal, it's actually rather subtle.



Betbet
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19 Sep 2017, 1:57 pm

I think I had a meltdown today.
I went to a new place for a course that I thought was just an afternoon to be told it's an afternoon a week for 12 weeks!! !
Just that one thing caused me to meltdown. I couldn't function anymore, I was crying uncontrollably and although I was taken out of the room by one of the course leaders she kept on talking to me and I couldn't calm myself down for ages.
I've never had this in front of strangers before, usually if I can't cope I'm at home and I go into my room to calm down.
It was so embarrassing, and I've got to go back for the next 11 weeks (unless I get kicked off the course for being to disruptive by crying again!! !)
I'm really going to have to work out how to get through this.



Sofisol612
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20 Sep 2017, 6:41 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
Sofisol612 wrote:
Hi everyone! My parents only told me last month that I had been diagnosed with Aspergers when I was a child, and have been doing some research on it since then.

The reason why I want to know about the meltdowns is because I've noticed that I'm prone to have uncontrollable "crying fits" when I get stressed or frustrated. Sometimes I stifle a shriek and, if I'm at home, I run to my room and hit a pillow until I get exhausted. Is this how meltdown look like in women? Is this normal?


Yes. Not only is that normal, it's actually rather subtle.


Well, I know my reactions are not so extreme, but it was happening to me so often that I was starting to worry about it. As a child I used to have violent and out-of-control meltdowns, but now I don't have those anymore.

Also, the very subtlety of my meltdowns also concerned me a bit. I've read that meltdowns are impossible to control, yet I am capable of modifying my behavior a little bit during a meltdown (if I'm in public I usually sit down and cry silently, covering my face and maybe rocking a little, instead of physically acting out as I do at home). That, and the fact that my crying fits are always caused by emotional dysregulation and never by sensory overload, made me wonder if they were indeed meltdowns or something else.


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Lisa.a
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21 Sep 2017, 10:56 am

I have always had crying meltdowns and some angry ones. A lot of times it's triggered by big, unexpected changes that happen with no or little warning.

One time I had a meltdown at work because I showed up to find a wall where there wasn't supposed to be one and they moved my desk. At a different job, I became overwhelmed by the workload and customers I had to stop and go outside and cry because I couldn't handle it. It was embarrassing and awful..

But I've gotten a lot better lately. I still have meltdowns sometimes though.

I've found emotional intelligence has helped me a lot. I now try to control my thoughts so that I think more positively. I try to always be more understanding of others and remind myself that NTs think differently and that they aren't intentionally trying to hurt me or upset me.


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21 Sep 2017, 12:49 pm

For me during meltdowns I scream and can get violent.



hobojungle
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26 Sep 2017, 4:42 pm

My last meltdown was a couple months go in front of my parents & sister. I believed my sister was gossiping too much. I started yelling, swearing, & crying. I was verbally abusive & out of control. My family froze. I felt shame, but I never apologized to my sister. I did express my regret to my parents the next day. I'm a work in progress (as is she).



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14 Oct 2017, 1:40 am

From my experience, a lot of tears, potential snapping at people and just wanting to go home to bed. Inability to think clearly.



icechai
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14 Oct 2017, 4:31 pm

I get highly irritable and may start yelling or throw soft things. Usually I try to get to a quiet place, or go to sleep if possible. I have insomnia, so they are triggered by not getting enough rest, and being stressed out, which is often lol.



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02 Nov 2017, 9:39 pm

Crying. Lots of crying, sometimes even in public...pretty embarrassing!



Retta10Grams
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04 Nov 2017, 7:11 am

Crying; I've only recently noticed that I don't usually cry when I'm sad, although that happens to. I think that most of the time I cry because I've been bottling up stuff and it all pours out when I'm alone and have a day (or afternoon) off from work. I'm starting to embrace it as a form of catharsis.

Anger; I used to get really frustrated, even though I didn't know it was frustration that lead to anger due to the fact that I was frustrated. I used to throw and break things as a sort of physical manifestation of what I was feeling. It mostly happened with my ex-so, when I felt that I wasn't understood. It was either a way of explaining myself, sometimes just uncontrollable frustration. I've learned about delayed emotional processing just recently and it kinda explains when I would start feeling frustrated or anxious about stuff I thought didn't bother me at the time when they happened. I would feel extremely distressed/anxious/angry and would just start slamming the doors or throwing stuff.

Last gigantic meltdown; With my ex-so, around 6 months ago. I don't remember clearly how did it start, but I remember that I was sensing that something was off with me, so I've tried isolating myself in order not to cause any further damage. He tried pulling me out of that, I can only imagine how did it look for him, he was probably getting frustrated as well, while I was shutting myself off. I've hid myself in the closet (I would to that sometimes when I was a kid) and I remember I just wanted to be left alone. He tried "provoking" me, I felt the little Hulk rising plus the tunnel vision and I really didn't want to break anything or cause any damage to someone else, so I started cutting my hand with a kitchen knife and burning my skin with cigarette. I've never done that. He got angry/desperate, he got physical. He left, I've just laid on the bed, face against the wall, in the darkness and was sobbing. I was never into self-mutilation, I'm not self-destructive and I try really hard to be as functioning as possible.

Except for the self-diagnosis, I'm not officialy diagnosed with Aspergers. I know there's a lot of overlap between BPD and ASD, but I honestly, logically, cannot believe that it's just BPD, although there are probably some traits.

Reading about ASD has been helping me a great deal, when I start feeling overworked, I know what's going to happen when I get a day off, so I prepare myself for that. I don't punish myself for feeling like that anymore, I just try going with it and letting it all out in a controlled environment.

It's kinda funny realizing that you didn't know how you actually felt. It's common knowledge that if you act like a little Hulk you're just angry or if you cry you're just sad, so naturally you start feeling like a lesser being for being angry at small stuff. I've been learning to express my frustration as clearly as possible and it's helping quite a bit.

I no longer feel like a bad person when my brain goes a little bad, if that makes any sense.


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loobyloukitty
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05 Nov 2017, 9:00 am

Its anything really. kicking, hitting, screaming, crying, throwing things. I think the difference is but not too sure, you can take yourself away from others around you that might get hurt or not understand your actions. I was able to do this on Monday especially as we were in a busy high street and it could have resulted in me getting in trouble with police.