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slw1990
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13 Mar 2017, 3:40 pm

^He said that it wasn't because of that so that makes me even more confused that he would change his mind so quickly. He seemed really serious too because he asked if I was seeing other guys, told me that he stopped looking for other women and it seemed like we could really relate to each other. He seemed so genuine that he was honest even when he didn't want to be. Then it seemed like he acted like a different person when I met him the 2nd time. I really try not to get emotionally invested with guys who I just met, but he seemed so committed.

I don't know if he was trying to be cruel though because he asked if I could forgive him and was encouraging me to keep looking, even when I never said anything about giving up. He even asked if I felt like he misled me and said if he did that he didn't mean to. He said that he sometimes becomes really attracted to women when he first meets them. Then before he talked about a girl who strung him along and I told him about how guys did the same to me and then it feels like that's what he did to me. I just feel so confused and this isn't the first time guys would do this to me.



slw1990
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13 Mar 2017, 9:43 pm

It feels like this always happens whenever I talk to guys I like. They seem interested at first and then they suddenly become distant. I've never even cuddled or kissed anyone. I don't know what to do about it. Maybe it's better to accept that I'll just be alone, but it's so hard.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Mar 2017, 1:25 am

Or you pick the next guy in your inbox - I bet you receive dozens every day on the dating site.
Why not using your privilege?



MaxE
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14 Mar 2017, 7:01 am

slw1990 wrote:
It feels like this always happens whenever I talk to guys I like. They seem interested at first and then they suddenly become distant. I've never even cuddled or kissed anyone. I don't know what to do about it. Maybe it's better to accept that I'll just be alone, but it's so hard.
I would like to offer some observations that may or may not apply to this situation, so I apologize in advance if anybody's feelings are hurt.

@slw1990 I suspect you aren't giving off the right "signals" when you meet somebody to whom you are genuinely attracted. This shouldn't shock anybody, most people on this site have a low EQ and probably you are one of them. Why I mention this is because I think guys subconsciously react to how strongly they feel a woman is attracted to them. I have personally had the experience when somebody I didn't find especially attractive unexpectedly showed they were attracted to me at the physical level, and my whole outlook changed. A woman's physical attractiveness to men is largely judged by physical appearance (like it or not). Male attractiveness is much more ill-defined, can depend on all sorts of factors that can't be assessed by looking at a picture (however provocative). Most men cannot assume that any woman is attracted to them - some at least have probably programmed themselves to lose interest if they don't sense attraction from the other person. I have had a few females inform me that they were physically attracted to me in the extreme, whereas the vast majority have felt no attraction whatsoever. Regarding those who were attracted, I couldn't begin to guess why.

I suspect some women on the spectrum overcome this problem of giving signals by being up front about how they feel, either they'll just tell a guy they're into him or they might make a physical move such as an unexpected kiss at a quiet movement. These ladies probably have prior experience - they have probably been physically affectionate with guys in the past in fact a high percentage have been sexually active. Also they may be willing to run the risk of sometimes getting hurt. So for somebody with no prior relationship experience, I guess this could be very difficult to do if not impossible.

Part of my confusion is, that I don't believe for a woman to confess physical attraction to a guy, that she puts herself in the position of promising to have sex with him if he is interested. But a lot of what I read leads me to think that this is somehow an expectation nowadays. I am hard pressed to believe this. I think a woman should be able to tell a guy she is into him physically while at the same time letting him know she is not ready to go beyond cuddling or making out.

This might be a good argument for Christian dating sites. For someone who identifies as Christian, even if not religious, I just think there would be fewer guys there hoping to take advantage of a lady's physical attraction to them. I'll bet a lot of people who post on Christian dating sites are not really "religious". I have the impression it's actually easier to meet people there, but of course you can't outright lie about being Christian.

So I don't want to give specific advice but I felt I should point this out. Does this jibe with anybody else's experience?


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slw1990
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14 Mar 2017, 3:29 pm

^ I feel like I do show interest though. I initiate contact sometimes, I them questions about themselves, I smile ect.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Or you pick the next guy in your inbox - I bet you receive dozens every day on the dating site.
Why not using your privilege?


I'm not really getting a lot of messages now. I'm talking to and have met others, but it seems like the same thing happens. Either that or I don't feel interested.