Are most men struggling to get healthy weight women?

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Sometime World
Snowy Owl
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23 Feb 2017, 7:44 am

Like most HF Asperger men I have a difficult time meeting women as it is, as I have no social circle to meet or be introduced to women. I never made any friends during my latter HS, college and university years due to appearance-based bullying and/or shunning (125lbs, 5'9 and a face of a 14yo boy doesn't sit well for a 21yo man at the time; then sprinkle undiagnosed low level high functioning Aspergers on the top). Thus I adopted the 'lone wolf', "sod the lot of 'um!" persona and had to accept it. So all I ever had to rely on was online dating or meeting women through volunteer work or hobby groups. My work is all-male based Blue Collar, so there is no women at work. Every volunteer work I have undertaken, and every hobby club I have done (martial arts, photography. walking) the healthy weight girls are already taken, or they are retired women over 60, and the only few single women are obese. Obesity is not my thing, I can't help the way I'm wired. I tend to lose all attraction if a woman (of 5'2 > 5'6) tips over the 150lbs mark, or a BMI over 26, 26.5.

I'm now 172lbs, 5'10, with an average appearance. Look younger than my 39 years - somewhat neotenous face, black hair light pale skin. The main thing is I'm a healthy weight (17.5 > 18% bodyfat) and not really ugly in the face/skull... I don't think. I'm not an "ugly bloke" like say Toby Jones but nor am I anyway near the likes of the Jessie Pavelka's or Rav Wilding's of this world.

Anyway, my experiences have been pretty depressing with online dating. My reply rate is probably under 1%. That is for every 100 average women of healthy weights I send a message to, maybe just 1 has the courtesy to reply back (probably more like 1 in 150). This tends to lead to nowhere because I feel they are often rude, standoffish or are just leading me on to bolster their ego. There is no "Game" to win these women over, they aren't pets than be 'tricked' into liking you, they simply have better looking guys holing them up from another browser. I never get messaged from a healthy weight woman, that is they never contact me first. On those rare occasions when a woman does contact me first (about one every 2 months I'm active) they are always very overweight women, i.e. 175lbs+, 200lbs, 250lbs. They dangle me a carrot, but big women/BBW is just not my thing and I don't message them back.

I think I know what is going on in a nutshell. For a start there is perhaps only 18 female profiles per 50 male profiles on most -- if not all-- dating sites. Then we could say that at least half of those 18 females are too overfat for the majority of men like myself, so we have about 8 or 9 healthy weight female profiles created per 50 male profiles created.

So any healthy weight/slim woman with an average face (or even below average face) gets inundated with hundreds of prospective suitors a month in her inbox. Women of healthy weights know they can use their healthy bodies as 'bait' (with seductive full body pics) to lure a male of higher genetic worth than herself (i.e. better looking than her) in outright lieu of ignoring, rejecting or even abusing average men of healthy weights in her own objective league.

So. No single healthy weight women in my real world (they are all taken) and online dating makes me feel like worthless ugly s**t.

Any guys going through the same stuff?


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BTDT
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23 Feb 2017, 7:57 am

Have you approached women taller than you? While most women prefer taller men, the tall ones often make exceptions or go dateless.

Women value different things. While you value appearance, as do most men, that doesn't hold for women. They typical value wealth and income much more than appearance. Especially when it comes to serious relationships.



314pe
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23 Feb 2017, 8:29 am

Sometime World wrote:
So. No single healthy weight women in my real world (they are all taken) and online dating makes me feel like worthless ugly s**t.

You shouldn't feel like that. It probably has nothing to do with your physical attraction and it's just about your social status.



The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Feb 2017, 8:34 am

Try other ethnicity groups, for me , East/South Asians (all of healthy weight) reply/message me first the most; significantly more than Caucasians.

The only Caucasians who ever messaged me first were very overweight ones, yes....there's undeniable correlation in that.
In your country I guess you have such communities.



Sometime World
Snowy Owl
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23 Feb 2017, 11:10 am

BTDT wrote:
Have you approached women taller than you? While most women prefer taller men, the tall ones often make exceptions or go dateless.

Women value different things. While you value appearance, as do most men, that doesn't hold for women. They typical value wealth and income much more than appearance. Especially when it comes to serious relationships.


Yes I have approached taller women and there isn't that many women towering over me. 5ft10 is hardly small.
They see me as a child, probably because of my facial paedomorphism / lack of manly ruggedness. And I find the taller women (5ft7-5ft11) tend to demand their man be noticeably tall (6ft2+). Women who are 6ft I don't see often at all, and when I do they are with some 6ft5+ dude.

And if women valued wealth over appearance (which I think is highly debatable) then why I have seen tall handsome barmen or low paid retail workers who lived with their mom & dad at 22/25/30, spend most of their earnings on entertainment, gambling, drinking out etc, were basically broke all the time, get numerous girlfriends? Attractive ones at that. Some of my blue collar work colleagues don't have a problem with getting healthy weight women and they aren't wealthy men. And then I see several of my sisters male friends (she's 33) with good careers miss out on dating altogether. Many of whom my sister rejected 12/13/14 years ago. They've never had girlfriends :!: . What I see is that more and more quotas at colleges and universities are being filled by women. They get their own careers, make their own money and thus the traditional male role of 'breadwinner' or 'provider' is replaced or relegated to that of gene carrier of women. When a mans role has been relegated to that of gene carrier, his looks become the flagship of his portfolio.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Try other ethnicity groups, for me , East/South Asians (all of healthy weight) reply/message me first the most; significantly more than Caucasians.

The only Caucasians who ever messaged me first were very overweight ones, yes....there's undeniable correlation in that.
In your country I guess you have such communities.


Yes in the UK 62% of women over 18+ are classed as unhealthy BMI, of those 62%, 27% are classed obese.
I swear its like 85% of men competing for 38% of women (the healthy women), so more guys miss out on love or date women who's bodies are too overweight for their usual liking. Simple supply-demand dynamics.

I have indeed tried meeting Asian women online and had some success. I happen to like Japanese, Thai, Viet etc. That's how I lost my virginity at age 27 - to a thai woman who messaged me on some pen friend site. She visited London and that's how I met up with her. But that was 13 years ago, I can't seem to get any interest off them like I used to, probably because my hair is receding. I dunno? But then when I visited Vietnam I got talking to a white American guy in a bar who had moved there. He was from some bumb dead town in Ohio. The guy, a pudgy, bald, ugly dude. I was told to watch him as he was arrested for trying to get in a heated argument with someone at a bar the day earlier. Him and his wife had the same rank as working in a fish processing factory and made the same money.

His wife? A very gorgeous Viet woman. I mean a solid 7/10. Long black hair, 25 (he was 36) and probably 115lbs. And very humble, enjoyable and pleasant to be around. I'm from the UK to the first thing that popped up into my head. :

"In the UK, a girl like that would not give that f*****g guy a chance in hell."


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Sometime World
Snowy Owl
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23 Feb 2017, 11:16 am

314pe wrote:
Sometime World wrote:
So. No single healthy weight women in my real world (they are all taken) and online dating makes me feel like worthless ugly s**t.

You shouldn't feel like that. It probably has nothing to do with your physical attraction and it's just about your social status.



Why am I low status? Just because I have a blue collar job and no friends? I own my own house.

Somebody has to do these types of low paid jobs (factory worker, tree surgeon, brick layer, forklift driver, panel beater, welder) do they not deserve healthy women?

Maybe women can explain. They probably stereotype that all blue collar guys are illiterate, dumb as rocks "show us your legs love, *wolf whistles*" types. I know many educated BC workers, many have degrees.


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Life had kept him waiting, regretting his pain inside. Had to feel underrated, and hated, besides. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvLVSPPLZZY


Last edited by Sometime World on 23 Feb 2017, 11:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

arielhawksquill
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23 Feb 2017, 11:17 am

If The Red Pill forum on Reddit is to be believed, there is incredible competition for non-obese women. And because of the inflated attention from online dating, even the obese ones expect to be able to attract a healthy weight man. If you ascribe to the idea that you ought to realistically stay within your "league" for dating, the unhappy-making truth is that having autism as a man puts you in the same league as being overweight does for a woman.



Sometime World
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23 Feb 2017, 11:20 am

arielhawksquill wrote:
If The Red Pill forum on Reddit is to be believed, there is incredible competition for non-obese women. And because of the inflated attention from online dating, even the obese ones expect to be able to attract a healthy weight man. If you ascribe to the idea that you ought to realistically stay within your "league" for dating, the unhappy-making truth is that having autism as a man puts you in the same league as being overweight does for a woman.


I don't buy into that healthy weight men of avg looks with autism deserve obese girls.. but yeah it feels the way you put it. It can be dehumanizing.


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Closet Genious
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23 Feb 2017, 11:43 am

Sometime World wrote:
arielhawksquill wrote:
If The Red Pill forum on Reddit is to be believed, there is incredible competition for non-obese women. And because of the inflated attention from online dating, even the obese ones expect to be able to attract a healthy weight man. If you ascribe to the idea that you ought to realistically stay within your "league" for dating, the unhappy-making truth is that having autism as a man puts you in the same league as being overweight does for a woman.


I don't buy into that healthy weight men of avg looks with autism deserve obese girls.. but yeah it feels the way you put it. It can be dehumanizing.


That's pretty silly logic. Just because there are guys out there who are willing to have sex with anything, as long as it's breathes. Does not equate to autistic men having to settle for obese women.



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23 Feb 2017, 12:40 pm

Wow, I might as well pack it up and buy a bunch of cats. At 5' 8" and 165 lbs, I'm too fat for any guy. BTW, I'm only a few pounds overweight, wear a non plus size and have a flat stomach. Hardly the gigantic beast you describe.

Have you ever tried to go out with some of those slightly overweight women (175 is hardly obese)? You may actually meet someone you have a connection with and be happy.



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23 Feb 2017, 12:42 pm

Sometime World wrote:
314pe wrote:
Sometime World wrote:
So. No single healthy weight women in my real world (they are all taken) and online dating makes me feel like worthless ugly s**t.

You shouldn't feel like that. It probably has nothing to do with your physical attraction and it's just about your social status.



Why am I low status? Just because I have a blue collar job and no friends? I own my own house.

Somebody has to do these types of low paid jobs (factory worker, tree surgeon, brick layer, forklift driver, panel beater, welder) do they not deserve healthy women?

Maybe women can explain. They probably stereotype that all blue collar guys are illiterate, dumb as rocks "show us your legs love, *wolf whistles*" types. I know many educated BC workers, many have degrees.


Might be a way of thinking for gold diggers but not - in my experience - for the average woman. As long as the guy is fun to be around, it doesn't matter what he does for a living (as long as it's not barking orders to her to 'get dinner ready / clean the house / bring a drink / ... once she gets home from work, while he's just sitting on the couch playing video games all day - yes I've been here). It's all about making all girl feel comfortable enough to let her guard down and be silly / herself. Granted, that's assuming you're dealing with the right girl...



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23 Feb 2017, 12:48 pm

http://s.telegraph.co.uk/graphics/proje ... n-obesity/
The district that surrounds Whitehaven, Copeland, is England’s flabbiest, with more than three-quarters of residents either overweight or obese.

If that many people are fat, it is statistically impossible for there to be enough healthy weight women for even half the guys who want dates.



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23 Feb 2017, 1:03 pm

So you weigh 172, but a woman who weighs 175 is way too fat for you? Maybe you should make sure you yourself have a perfect body type before you decide women are un-datable if they weight even two more pounds than you.

Also it seems like the thing you value above all else when it comes to women is how much they weigh, or at least you are hyper-focusing on it which probably isn't helping. Lol if I had been such a stickler on weight I wouldn't have the awesome boyfriend I do.


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23 Feb 2017, 1:30 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
That's pretty silly logic. Just because there are guys out there who are willing to have sex with anything, as long as it's breathes. Does not equate to autistic men having to settle for obese women.


Of course, it's not an exact equivalency. A neurotypical woman might be in the same "league" of an autistic man because she has a physical disability, is unemployed, is older, etc. The OP perhaps doesn't realize that having a social disability is in fact a very big deal to the women he wants to date. An NT woman would be "settling" for life with an autistic, whether she's fat or not.



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23 Feb 2017, 1:59 pm

Yes, a lot of women are looking to make a "connection," someone they can relate to on a very personal level. Guys who can do this are often very successful at dating, even though they aren't wealthy, tall, or good looking.