How many people do you care for?

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Maybe I didn't realize it at the time, but most of my life I've went along with people I didn't really care for because they were "interested" in me. The "interest" on many occasions was in my naivety, and in using me. I always mistook these people for potential matches. Even in friendships, I have had very few where I truly enjoyed the others company.

This has led to confusing matches. And I guess it's sad really, because I just have to take what I can get, and never pursue someone I quite like. All the men on here always complain, but it's not a great situation for the women either, with men always trying to take advantage of you, and being a nice target.

The few friends/relationships I have really enjoyed have all escaped me. I have my kids, and a partner who is pretty good. But I have to say, I miss having deeper connections.

Hmmm. I am that way with friendships, but not with the opposite sex. I was very particular with the opposite sex. Happy to say that the first man I dated ended up being a good match and eventually my husband; we're very similar and both attracted to each other. We differ on religion and politics, and he's more into sci-fi whereas I'm more into sports, but otherwise we're a lot alike.

Friendships, though...no especially close ones. NT women generally are very complicated in the socio-emotional realm and seldom share my more systematic interests, so it's hard for us to relate.

I also experienced pursuing people due to their interest in me, rather than genuine "friendship". I have only had 1 friend at a time and they both lasted for 3-4years. When they ended, I didn't feel that different or that I had lost something as I was just following along with what they did/acted,etc.

I now have a partner and a child. We've been together for nearly 6 years. They are the only people I care about, but I still find that my feelings towards my partner aren't as strong as I believe NT relationships are. I find them interesting, but rarely feel "in-love" with them. This relationship does feel different than my previous friendships though, although I'm not sure why and in what aspects.

Other than my immediate and (most) of my extended family, there are two people out there I have more of a deep connection with, both old friends. One, a wonderful woman with a very kind personality, moved to Germany years ago however and the other is an online presence who is determined to test my patience with his extreme conservative ways. Not having friends or connections might break an otherwise social person, but I am well used to not having anyone, and thus not caring much for anyone on the outside; anonymity breeds indifference.