Self-conciousness
have you been self-conscious during your childhood? for example i was terrible in self-consciousness when i was small. i used to have talismans in my pockets hoping it helps me through the days. now i am in my late 20's and i have built my self-consciousness over the things i achieved in my life.
Last edited by tomamil on 18 May 2007, 7:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
I have always been terribly self concious... I think I trying to relieve my self of this feeling by trying to fit in better became a kind of obsession of mine. This desire to change myself led to a series of major dissapointments. I am more isolated now (im not at school anymore) so I dont feel so self concious all the time, but occasionally i worry about the way my life is headed and begin to feel self concious about that, even if there is no one around.
I am trying hard to feel better about who I am. It takes time to change thought patterns though, but I feel that I am getting there.
In short yeah you can have AS and feel self concious, I think it is quite common actually.
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"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
I didn't start out w/it, but I learned to become self-conscious as a teenager & it's never gone away. "Self-consciousness" to me means "other-awareness" plus worry: noticing myself & fretting that I will be seen as bad in some way by other people. So I learned to self-censor, but still I do the wrong thing or don't do the right thing, in terms of socially acceptable behavioral responses.
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*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*
About four years ago, I started trying to do more social interaction and stop worrying so much over it. As a result, I have learned more about people. Unfortunately, that also means I have more to worry about now. My truly peaceful state is with my interests, and when I get heavily involved in them, my worry goes away.
With AS, you have to be missing social cues in a relaxed state. With just anxiety, you may not perceive certain social cues while anxious, but you will see them in a relaxed state. So, there may be some overlap between AS and anxiety until you eliminate the anxiety and then think about things more logically.
I have had a lot more anxiety lately, and it has a lot to do with the site I was on and the people there. I was exposed to too many people who had no problem telling me I was doing something wrong. And that "something wrong" was apparently just being myself.
When I hear that repeatedly, I begin to wonder if anything I do is acceptable to anyone. And that DOES lead to a lot of self-consciousness and anxiety. If I am myself, I get in trouble, but I don't know how to be anyone else.
And who of all these people have to live with me? None of them? Do they have to be in my mind at night when I have trouble going to sleep? No. So why would I be so worried about what they think?
When I AM myself, I have a good time sometimes. I like talking to strangers, and sometimes they like talking to me. I had the best time chatting with a clerk at a grocery store, where we started talking about something and pretty soon, she and I were both laughing hysterically, to the point that other people were staring.
Noticed that other people were in the line behind me, and they were smiling.
I said "this is the fun party line!" And they were happy to be in that line, it was like watching a comedy show.
I was not self-conscious at all. It was fun. Some people also had fun. The clerk certainly did. The people in line didn't have that weird look meaning they were upset or impatient (or gassy or in a bad mood or something that has nothing to do with me).
There are a few eccentric, odd, quirky individuals, who are interesting, funny, thought-provoking. I think it's our job to be ourselves to amuse and amaze everyone else. And not be self-conscious at all. Being able to let it out, have a good time, even at the grocery store, and it sets a good example for others.
They can see that the sky doesn't fall if we are friendly or open or ourselves. What would this world be like if we were all friendly, open, ourselves? I don't know, but I'd love to find out.