Why is attraction so nonsensical

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Jacoby
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30 Mar 2017, 11:35 am

hurtloam wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
I dunno, it only really seems nonsensical from the female point of view and I think that is simply because a lot of women don't know what they really want and aren't totally honest with themselves with what they actually find attractive. What is attractive to a guy I think is pretty straight forward and not akin to finding a needle in a haystack at all but it seems like what OP wants is literal love at first sight from the perfect person. What do you want out of a relationship, what do you find attractive, what are the must haves and must nots? I think if you can answer these questions honestly then it wouldn't seem so nonsensical in my opinion.


Lol. Do you even read my posts. I don't believe in love at first sight and I mentioned further up about how people can grow on you.


I read things in a haze sometimes, my point was mostly that attraction is pretty simple for guys but I guess the question being asked is why doesn't attraction correlate with long term compatibility which I think can just be for some people not being honest with oneself about what they find attractive or knowing what they want they want out of a relationship. I get the impression that women find guys far less attractive than the other way around in general so I think the question is hard for me to grasp from that vantage point, I think there is a lot of unrealistic expectations all around and too much of a commodified "what can you do for me now" mindset when it in comes to relationships. That's what I get out of the negative connotation 'settling' seems to carry, the idea that you can get more out of the equation and win more in the relationship. Also, I don't think not believing in love at first sight doesn't mean that isn't something someone still might subconsciously desires. What do you actually want out of a relationship?

The rigidity we have on the spectrum makes it more difficult to reciprocate and adapt as is needed in a successful relationship, those are the deficits I think I probably should really work and focus on if I were in a relationship. That's how people can grow together as a couple, if you struggle with that then you will probably struggle in your relationship I would imagne. I'm screwed up in other ways so there is work to be done on myself if I am going to be a truly independent person, anxiety is something that I can know is completely irrational but still experience it in the worst mental and physical way so I am kind of a slave to that condition unfortunately but I digress from talking about myself since the point being I get that it's all just easier said than done. What the hell do I know about long-term compatibility anyways? Probably the wrong guy to ask... :oops:



Sweetleaf
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30 Mar 2017, 3:01 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You need to try the casino once, just for the sake of fun.


I have been once, not particularly my kind of fun and only went because a friend paid for me to...the free drinks were nice I suppose. Either way I wouldn't compare looking for a relationship to slot machines.


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hurtloam
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30 Mar 2017, 3:16 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sweetleaf used online dating.


What's your point? Attraction isn't just physical.


My point that her slot machine had way more '7s' than the one hurtloam is relying on.


I don't really know what that means...what 'slot machine'?...Also I've never had a number system for rating attractiveness, that sort of thing has always seemed sort of silly to me.


The slot machine gives out a jackpot payment if you are lucky enough to get a row of 7s
Image

I thought it was quite a clever illustration taking my use of the term jackpot and extending the analogy.



hurtloam
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30 Mar 2017, 3:25 pm

Jacoby wrote:
I read things in a haze sometimes, my point was mostly that attraction is pretty simple for guys but I guess the question being asked is why doesn't attraction correlate with long term compatibility which I think can just be for some people not being honest with oneself about what they find attractive or knowing what they want they want out of a relationship. I get the impression that women find guys far less attractive than the other way around in general so I think the question is hard for me to grasp from that vantage point, I think there is a lot of unrealistic expectations all around and too much of a commodified "what can you do for me now" mindset when it in comes to relationships. That's what I get out of the negative connotation 'settling' seems to carry, the idea that you can get more out of the equation and win more in the relationship. Also, I don't think not believing in love at first sight doesn't mean that isn't something someone still might subconsciously desires. What do you actually want out of a relationship?

The rigidity we have on the spectrum makes it more difficult to reciprocate and adapt as is needed in a successful relationship, those are the deficits I think I probably should really work and focus on if I were in a relationship. That's how people can grow together as a couple, if you struggle with that then you will probably struggle in your relationship I would imagne. I'm screwed up in other ways so there is work to be done on myself if I am going to be a truly independent person, anxiety is something that I can know is completely irrational but still experience it in the worst mental and physical way so I am kind of a slave to that condition unfortunately but I digress from talking about myself since the point being I get that it's all just easier said than done. What the hell do I know about long-term compatibility anyways? Probably the wrong guy to ask... :oops:


Oh, I think I know what you're getting at. Do I want something to just fall into my lap that requires no effort? I wonder if I do. I wonder if that is the problem.

Here's an irony. I have a friend who tells me that the right person will just come along and I'll know that he likes me and I won't have to go to as much effort as I have been. Funny thing is, I reckon men think I don't make enough effort. But then I freeze up and I don't know what they want from me and I don't know what to do

Others have been saying they lose interest and the attraction fades if the lass doesn't seem to like them back, so that explains why I've had enthusiastic interest which has suddenly disappeared. I don't think I behave the way the average woman does or I don't behave they way they expect me to. So it ends before it begins and I'm still trying to decide whether I like they guy, but he's totally lost interest by the time I decide I do.



Sweetleaf
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30 Mar 2017, 3:52 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sweetleaf used online dating.


What's your point? Attraction isn't just physical.


My point that her slot machine had way more '7s' than the one hurtloam is relying on.


I don't really know what that means...what 'slot machine'?...Also I've never had a number system for rating attractiveness, that sort of thing has always seemed sort of silly to me.


The slot machine gives out a jackpot payment if you are lucky enough to get a row of 7s
Image

I thought it was quite a clever illustration taking my use of the term jackpot and extending the analogy.


lol I thought it meant like when people rate attraction from 1-10, I suppose that makes a little more sense...I can take things far too literally.


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rdos
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30 Mar 2017, 4:06 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Others have been saying they lose interest and the attraction fades if the lass doesn't seem to like them back, so that explains why I've had enthusiastic interest which has suddenly disappeared. I don't think I behave the way the average woman does or I don't behave they way they expect me to. So it ends before it begins and I'm still trying to decide whether I like they guy, but he's totally lost interest by the time I decide I do.


That's just poor persistence from them. Some ND guys don't suffer from that...



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Mar 2017, 12:56 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sweetleaf used online dating.


What's your point? Attraction isn't just physical.


My point that her slot machine had way more '7s' than the one hurtloam is relying on.


I don't really know what that means...what 'slot machine'?...Also I've never had a number system for rating attractiveness, that sort of thing has always seemed sort of silly to me.


The slot machine gives out a jackpot payment if you are lucky enough to get a row of 7s
Image

I thought it was quite a clever illustration taking my use of the term jackpot and extending the analogy.


lol I thought it meant like when people rate attraction from 1-10, I suppose that makes a little more sense...I can take things far too literally.


This what I thought of when you first replied:

Image



Sweetleaf
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31 Mar 2017, 4:19 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:

lol I thought it meant like when people rate attraction from 1-10, I suppose that makes a little more sense...I can take things far too literally.


This what I thought of when you first replied:

Image


lol, I suppose that is a fairly accurate visual representation.


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