Try breathwork.
If hurting people comes in response to a neurotic pattern in your mind, that should help. It sounds like you regret hurting people afterwards, and I consider that a positive sign.
When people have a lot of anger and resentment, they can target safe people with it. I've received plenty of this in my lifetime. I show concern about someone, and get back a face full of all the resentment and hurt they've taken from people like me (tall, male, whatever). I'm safe to unload on, or at least safer than the people who actually hurt them. If this is what's happening with you, you need to work out that psychodrama inside yourself rather than imposing it on other people. Or, at least, set it up so that you both know what you're doing and everyone consents to the role play.
When you think about your allies, be sure you really consider them allies, and not a threat. It makes sense to strengthen allies, and weaken threats, so be sure you have people properly classified in your defensive systems. Defensive systems are great, if programmed correctly.
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"I find that the best way [to increase self-confidence] is to lie to yourself about who you are, what you've done, and where you're going." - Richard Ayoade