Alexithymia

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I've been dating someone I think has Aspergers for a few weeks and this as well as one way conversations are the issues that trouble me most and I don't know how to handle. I otherwise like the guy and have a good time with him, but I am getting annoyed by the extent of absolute one way ness in terms of conversation. Is this something that is worse with the nerves of dating for aspies? I can't understand how he was married for a decade if this is his consistent style. He is not interested in any spoken word that comes out of my mouth or in pretending to be and can't read my face. I know this is a symptom, but I thought people are able to cover this up lol for a time. Any input?
How would I even explain to him if I break it off that it's bc of this problem since he must be unaware of it, I wouldn't want to hurt him. Should I just ignore him and start talking at him the way he talks at me? Any advice is welcome, my friends have no input Thanks

Why do you start a thread with the topic of Alexithymia?

Alexithymia affects 10% of the general population.

Wiki for Alexithymia:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

An online test and forums for Alexithymia:
http://www.alexithymia.us/test-alex.html

I think maybe you should talk to him about it, it is important in relationships to let the other person know how you feel. I mean maybe he isn't aware of it, and pointing it out could help, I mean I know sometimes I have trouble cutting people off or going on and on without giving enough room for others to give input but I am aware of it and I try to listen and wait my turn....but it certainly can be difficult to figure out the right timing without being rude. Though you also have to be a little flexible like if he wanted to try and work on it you have to be patient, like he may still slip up and you don't want to jump on him every time but it still may be good to address it.

If worst comes to worst it simply may not work out...but if its an issue he genuinely doesn't know affects you, he may be willing to work on it if he really cares about you. So I would at least give him a chance to be more aware of it. maybe tell him it feels like he talks over you and doesn't really want to hear what you say, and its bothersome...and request he try and do a little more listening. I mean I don't know what wording to use, but I'd try and talk to him about it before just breaking it off.

Hi, Thanks for the input. I'm working on being more direct about how I'm communicating. I'm naturally a more direct and blunt person, but have learned to suppress it due to regional location. He has stated that he needs to be hit over the head and that I need to tell him exactly what it is I think. I have some trouble with this bc I'm not trying to communicate that I don't accept him, and I wouldn't normally tell someone you need to do this bc I'm not getting what I need from you. It did come up a few days ago and I said I don't think he wants to hear when I talk and that if he asked me 1 question every time we are together and let me talk about it for a couple minutes it would help me. He seemed surprised and said that he didn't realize and was going to work on listening to me. He's also been asking me questions a lot more, which I enjoy and interpret as interest in knowing me.
My issue with being direct on an issue like this is finding where is the line in telling someone what you need and what they can do vs. trying to change someone into something they are not. When dating you are getting to know the person and is it accurate if you encourage them to do behaviors they will not be able to keep up with?

Well you certainly don't want to like change someones personality, if there is too much that is just not compatible sometimes its best for both people to just move on rather than trying to change each other. Also you want to be somewhat gentle about the suggestions...like I think how you handled discussing how it feels like he ignores you or doesn't want to hear you was good. If you had angrily confronted him about it and yelled he probably wouldn't have been very receptive.

But yeah sometimes those of us on the spectrum do sometimes need a little push in the right direction...Like I have come to learn sometimes I can talk over people and go on so much its hard for people to get a word in, so I am trying to work at it...but I don't think that is changing my personality, just trying work on listening which will benefit me and people I talk to. It doesn't seem trying to listen a little more is out of reach for him...now if you expect him to always ask you what your into and initiate conversation about you or your interests that might be expecting too much..but I think it is fair he could work on listening a bit better and being more receptive when you do talk. Of course you might want to consider if there are some topics really boring to him those might not be the best to talk to him about.

I pretty much second Sweetleaf entirely. To be honest the same basic thing is giving me a hard time. Either I can follow something rationally or I start to weigh some hypothetical plausibility that I have no business talking to so & so. My emotions sort of seem to pause unless I have something or preferably someone I'm thinking of. Right now because time by oneself working brings this out it seems, I'm just seeking to leave my life open ended & spending all the time I can with someone I know sees this about me. The one primary downside of doing so is seeing people judge each other over similar things & worrying about problems I may or may not have. I think a lot of people get freaked out by feeling stereotyped etc. & act in a very expository manner (i.e. self-described interests & thoughts, streams of consciousness), in order to avoid appearing shy.

Hi can you explain more about what you mean with this? I would like to better understand.

Now that he is asking me questions here and there, the problem that arises is when I reply something interrups. I talk for a sentence or two and suddenly the pets are doing something requiring attention. Suddenly something else is intensely fascinating or requires a shift in attention. Whatever it is I can't get through just a few sentences and I'm not sure how to handle it. Also he will shift and start giving his own reply to the question and telling me his own stories that pertain to the question. I'm trying not to shrink and be invisible, but it has the effect of making me go mute which I have social anxiety and selectively go very quiet if people don't listen. I haven't figured out how to address this better yet.

In other words I often feel unjustified when I'm considering my emotional response if I can't come up with substantial reasons for others' such feelings. When that happens 9/10 times my own social anxieties dictate that I'm the silent one, like I don't know this stuff anyway so I'll leave it to those who can speak to these things.