Aspie BF won't reveal to me his age (NT F)

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Tacohello
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10 Apr 2017, 1:21 am

My Aspie BF and I (NT Female) have been dating for over a year. I have a lot of questions about him but perhaps one of the biggest mysteries to me is how he refuses to disclose his age to me. He won't even disclose his Chinese Calendar animal to me. I know how old he is because I found out from his friend. I am 32 while he is 42. It doesn't really bother me and I don't really see it as suspicious or anything. As for his birthday, that we've celebrated. He just won't tell me the year. Whenever age comes up, sometimes he just smiles or would ignore me. I don't pry though and don't push him to give it away.

I just want to know, do any Aspies here conceal their age? If yes, what do you think are the possible reasons?

TL;DR: Aspie BF won't disclose age to me. Dating for over a year. I know his age though.



Last edited by Tacohello on 10 Apr 2017, 5:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

RandomFox
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10 Apr 2017, 1:31 am

Tacohello wrote:

I just want to know, do any Aspies here conceal their age?


I'm a bit the other way, sometimes I include my age in conversations when it's really not necessary to mention that. One of my co-workers never disclosed his age though and he's got some Aspie traits. We wanted to add him to our birthday calendar and he refused to give us even the day, like 13th September, but with no year. When asked why he said "I just like being a bit mysterious about my age".



Chronos
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10 Apr 2017, 1:48 am

Tacohello wrote:
My Aspie BF and I (NT Female) have been dating for over a year. I have a lot of questions about him but perhaps one of the biggest mystery to me is how he refuses to disclose his age to me. He won't even disclose his Chinese Calendar animal to me. I know how old he is because I found out from his friend. I am 32 while he is 42. It doesn't really bother me and I don't really see it as suspicious or anything. As for his birthday, that we've celebrated. He just won't tell me the year. Whenever age comes up, sometimes he just smiles or would ignore me. I don't pry though and don't push him to give it away.

I just want to know, do any Aspies here conceal their age? If yes, what do you think are the possible reasons?

TL;DR: Aspie BF won't disclose age to me. Dating for over a year. I know his age though.


Failure to divulge one's age is not associated with AS. This is likely an individual thing. He is probably just insecure.



liminal
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10 Apr 2017, 2:28 am

I'm also gonna have to guess insecurity.

Maybe he doesn't want you to think that he is too old for you.


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Raleigh
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10 Apr 2017, 4:14 am

Maybe he feels that his age doesn't define his identity - that it's completely
unimportant.

Maybe he doesn't feel his biological age suits his physical appearance or mental age.

Maybe he does it to annoy you.


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rdos
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10 Apr 2017, 5:13 am

I think one factor might be that he doesn't feel his biological age is the same as his mental age. The age difference between you might be another, especially if he feels younger than his biological age.

I typically will joke about my age, like multiplying it with .55, or say that I will get one year younger at my birthday rather than older. I do feel that my mental age is .55 x my biological age. :wink:



whatamievendoing
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10 Apr 2017, 6:58 am

liminal wrote:
I'm also gonna have to guess insecurity.

Maybe he doesn't want you to think that he is too old for you.


I'm going to guess this as well. What baffles me, though, is that there's only a 10-year age difference between the two, and yet the guy refuses to tell her his age. You'd think that with all the couples with close to or more than 20 years of age difference, that'd be the least of either one of their concerns.


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Aspie1
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10 Apr 2017, 7:32 am

rdos wrote:
I think one factor might be that he doesn't feel his biological age is the same as his mental age. The age difference between you might be another, especially if he feels younger than his biological age.
Yup. I'm the same way. I'm 33, but I feel more like 25. (Which supports the theory of aspies' mental age being 2/3 of chronological age and/or stalling out at mid-20's.) I see everybody my age around me settling down, and turning into boring old men and women in the process, despite not even being 40. I made a vow to myself to never get married, and even started researching clinics where I can get a vasectomy.

About a year ago, I became friends with a girl who's 22 (turning 23 next month). While she's got her flaws, she's one of the most fun friends I've met in nearly a decade. We get each other, but are just friends. (Although we've gotten mistaken for a couple a few times.) Me because I'm terrified of relationships, and her because of her own reasons. Age rarely comes up; it's an elephant in the room of sorts, and gets mentioned mainly as part of humor.