Chicago Tribune Commentary - Autistics can emphasize

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When I was in the fourth grade, I took a handwritten note, sprayed it with my mom's drugstore perfume, dotted it with loopy pink hearts, signed "Love always" with my full name and dropped it in the locker of the kid I had a crush on. Before I went to school that day, my mom asked me if this was what I really wanted to do: "I know how much you care, but this may not be received the way you want it to be."

As this story demonstrates, I am an outwardly emotional person. I may also cry when I see someone crying or absorb everyone's emotions in group settings. All of which probably wouldn't be worth mentioning if not for one fact: I'm also autistic. And public perceptions dictate that autistic and empathetic shouldn't go together.

The popular myth that all autistic people are socially withdrawn and unempathetic  —  like the teenage protagonist in the novel "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" or the undiagnosed but stereotypical representation of the character Sheldon Cooper in "The Big Bang Theory"  —  hurts the entire autistic community.

The truth, unsurprisingly, is that you can be empathetic (even highly so) and autistic. You can be extroverted and autistic. You can be an outgoing people person and autistic. Of course there are autistic folks who are introverted as well but, as the saying goes, "If you met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person." Ascribing generalizations to a diverse group of people only serves to harm us.

Yet because of stereotypes about autism and empathy, I lacked the resources to address these issues. Was it OK to write a love note to a crush? Should I tell people about my crushes in private? Could I ask someone out loud if they wanted to be my friend? Was it OK to declare that someone was my best friend after only a few days together? These weren't things that physicians, occupational therapists, teachers or counselors thought about when it came to dealing with autistic kids, so I felt like I couldn't turn to them for answers  —  and worse still, I wasn't sure if it was OK to grapple with such questions to begin with.