Should a 29 year old guy be with a 37 year old woman?

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nurseangela
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08 May 2017, 8:10 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
When I started my dating search, I aimed for women 3 years older to 7 years younger only. Why? Because I am 1) A late bloomer who was a kissless virgin at the time and 2) Men in general take longer to mature.

My first relationship was with someone 7 years younger than me. My second was with someone 6 months older and my final one was with someone 6 years older, who I married. She didn't even meet my dating criteria but was sent by eHarmony as a 'flex match'.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
My social values are mostly based around ensuring people don't view me negatively. I got a job so people wouldn't see me as an unemployed loser (it ended up benefiting me in other ways, I'm less restless now that I have something to do). I'm not saying that's the only benefit of having a partner but it's where social values come into it. Low self-esteem has turned me into the male version of Hyacinth Bucket (yes I know that's a bad thing).

Once you run out of Fs to give about what others think of you then you will find success with women. I know it's easier said than done though.


Another successful Eharmony Hunny match! :mrgreen:


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GiantHockeyFan
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08 May 2017, 8:35 am

nurseangela wrote:
Another successful Eharmony Hunny match! :mrgreen:

As much as I slam online dating, I would recommend trying eHarmony. In fact I should also mention that the last woman I dated seriously before Mrs. GHF was in theory a perfect match. We were the same age, same interests, she was polite and well spoken, good looking and in shape she was great with children too. Unfortunately, she wasn't attracted to men and/or was not ready for a relationship and I was. Last I checked she gave up dating for good and bought a house with her best friend but the point is the eHarmony was bang on for the most part..... except for that one small detail. The third time on eHarmony I actually had the problem of getting too many messages and even ignored the person I later ended up marrying because we had few interests in common. Turns out that's a GOOD thing in a relationship.

I did find it interesting that most (80%+) of my matches were either Nurses or Teachers or something very similar. Makes me wonder if it's because those two professions are female dominated or because eHarmony matched me up with those who are caring and compassionate.



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08 May 2017, 3:18 pm

Jacoby wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
8 years difference I don't think is too bad especially almost being 30 yourself

Emmanuel Macron, the 'centrist' candidate in the French election, is married to a woman 25 years older than him that use to be his former high school teacher so 8 really isn't too bad I think.


Old geezers marry younger women all the time. The younger generations always complain how things have changed, then why hasn't this way of thinking? Age shouldn't make a difference if you get along with each other in every other way. Like everyone says - age is just a number.

I'm an example. I don't feel or look my age. I want to still do things because since I've spent most of my life in school, I feel like I really haven't lived and want to do those things with a Hunny. Most of the guys older than me have outlived me by several lifetimes and are probably ready to "peter" out - literally. :mrgreen:


The difference I guess is that older women probably would have a harder time starting a family with their younger partner than vice-versa, I am sure a lot of people don't care about that but it is a consideration as to why an older guy might marry significantly younger. I think it would be hard to be an equal partner with someone way younger/older than you if that's what's most important to you but you can have other priorities too of course.


The drop in women's odds of conceiving after 36 tend to be vastly over stated.

I've heard a lot of bitter guys (the type that didn't get any dates in their teens and early 20's and spend their 30's and 40's online talking about how they only date women under 23), try to use the "older women can't start a family" line as an attack on women in their late 30's (the one's they perceive rejected them in their teens and 20's), but the reality is, while a woman's egg reserve drops off significantly after 36, it's doesn't often matter because, unlike men, where he must release millions of sperm to ensure one gets to the egg, a woman just needs to release one egg, and most pre-menopausal women over 36 still ovulate regularly. If a woman has her first pregnancy at 36, and has a baby every 2-3 years until about 45 (this is about the age healthy women stopped being able to conceive naturally before contraception), then that's still about 3-5 kids, and most people don't want more than 3. They also like to over state the odds of birth defects. It's true the chance of Down's Syndrome rises with maternal age, but it's low to begin with. It just goes from very unlikely, to unlikely, and the odds of other birth defects actually decreases with maternal age, but increases with paternal age.

Anyway, my point is, women in their late 30's and early 40's can often start families with no problems.



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08 May 2017, 3:54 pm

FWIW I didn't say it was impossible just that it's harder. I think most guys that go with significantly younger women probably are doing it because they find them more attractive & like the power they wield over them rather than simply wanting somebody to start a family with while young woman is probably not as attracted to the older man as she is his money. Younger guys are definitely attracted to mature women but most of those women probably don't see them as relationship material the same way a guy who finds younger women attractive might. I dunno, it's just my explanation or rationalization of the double standard.



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08 May 2017, 4:33 pm

If you like them and go well together, I think that's all that matters. The only risk with big age differences is that people tend to be very different outside of personality and interests. No matter how emotionally mature, a 20-year-old won't have a 40-year-old's priorities or life experiences.



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09 May 2017, 5:02 pm

Chronos wrote:
The drop in women's odds of conceiving after 36 tend to be vastly over stated.
Damn it! I was hoping age had made her infertile so I wouldn't have to have kids.


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Sweetleaf
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09 May 2017, 6:53 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
The drop in women's odds of conceiving after 36 tend to be vastly over stated.
Damn it! I was hoping age had made her infertile so I wouldn't have to have kids.


condoms and birth control also work for that....

That said if you're not interested in having kids probably best not to get with a woman who is.


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RetroGamer87
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10 May 2017, 7:00 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
The drop in women's odds of conceiving after 36 tend to be vastly over stated.
Damn it! I was hoping age had made her infertile so I wouldn't have to have kids.


condoms and birth control also work for that....

That said if you're not interested in having kids probably best not to get with a woman who is.


That's the problem. Condoms and birth control don't stop women from wanting kids. I was hoping 37 would be too old to have a maternal instinct.


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friedmacguffins
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10 May 2017, 9:28 am

You're appraising people, physically, but not mentally, so far as I can tell.

There are remarks about teen K-pop singers, and whether she is capable of conception.

How did you know that she wants to start a family, and are you going to be seen as the child. Are you the object of maternal instinct.

After seeing her, I am wondering whether your looks are boyish, by comparison.

When you do the math, there seems to be a lot displacement, in the world -- in other words, when someone is satisfying an instinct or urge, in an unconventional way.



RetroGamer87
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10 May 2017, 9:45 am

friedmacguffins wrote:
How did you know that she wants to start a family
I don't know whether or not she wants to birth a child.


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friedmacguffins
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10 May 2017, 9:50 am

But, people are talking about that, like it's already a given.