how to get busy??

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i've been doing it for a month now and now i'm starting to be able to cross the pool without stopping

that is excellent, most folk can't make it that far in one go. you can work on it until you can complete a whole lap, then work from there. I learned how to swim as an adult after a back injury, physical therapist used swimming to help my back strengthen/recover. I was in a pool full of kiddos sticking out like a sore thumb, they learned in hours but it took me 3 months before I finally got the hang of it, i'm sure you're much faster than that.

I did swim from very early childhood until I was 13, but then people start to been extra mean to me and I stop doing every activity I did because I didn't like to go outside :/ so I become fat, and people where even more mean because of that.

I basically know how to swim, but I'm a bit clumsy and I forgot some details, and have no much strength :/ but I hope I'll get better

you can't pay attention to the mean stupid people other than to watch your back around them. "be who you are and say what you feel, because the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter." [dr. seuss said that]. swimming will be your friend, you just gotta stay with it and let it work its magic.

yes, i ain't "busy" either.

but quite frankly, being "busy" is not a moral strength.

some precious lil "people" act like they are so "busy" that they are important. but that does not mean that what they are doing is important, or even justified.

seriously.

maybe they just have big egos.


but I feel happier being busy, if I have too much free time I think bad stuff

how 'bout doing vigorous physical exercise? that is what kept me sane in the army.


i'm too lazy and fat for that
i'm starting with swimming, maybe in the future i'll be able to do more stuff
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get a paying job

get a volunteer job

interact with friends, enemies, acquaintances, strangers

learn a new skill

hobbies

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but yeah i know how you feel.

for a long time now. about 10 years. pretty much, i have felt that i do not wanna do much of anything. besides surfing the internet, gorging, going to the bathroom. not many things i enjoy doing. not many things i am good at doing.

holding grudges, passive aggression. the things i am good @ doing are not suitable for ye ol' resume.

"life" is stupid.

precious lil "people" act so self-important. they are so judgmental. they act like they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. they do not run out of energy talking about anything. everything. it's like "i think, therefore i am". they act like "i talk, therefore i am."

so as usual, i ain't got no precious lil "friends". the ones that i thought i had, dumped me.

or they were just too annoying.

for a long time, nobody has made the mistake of hiring my worthless corpse.

and when they did, it was just jobs like cashier, recordkeeping assistant, actor, burger flipper, communications contractor, data entry clerk. minimum wage type jobs. and then after a couple days they had the nerve to fire me.

some of the volunteer jobs, they were nice. but some were nice until they were not so nice.

and it just does not seem like they were worth the energy it took to interact with them.

got an AA in Accounting from community college

got a BA in cognitive science. 2.19 out of 4 GPA.

can't apply for grad school with that gpa. exception might be the extremely expensive private schools that do not have a gpa quota. but i know i can't keep up academically.

even though, in my defense, plenty of clinical psychologists and licensed clinical social workers that i have interacted with were just as academically stupid as i am.

the previous LCSW acted like i had to believe everything she told me. and she was so vague. "smart", "worthless" "important", "treated badly."

she did not understand me. and she thought she did. she got on my nerves.

but there were a couple psychologists much worse than her.